Moments like These (Learning to say 'Good-bye')

A few days prior to coming to Zambia, I was asked, “Nikki how can you make leaving home look so easy?”  Truth is, leaving to come to here for 3 months was harder for me than it was leaving for 11 months to go on the World Race.  

On July 1, I found myself at the Zambian Immigration office once again.  Another month has passed and it was time to get our passports renewed.  Another month.  Month two is officially done.  My time here, is becoming less and less.  It is dwindling very quickly.  A lot quicker than I would like it too. 

Not only did July 1 mark Canada Day, but I can now official say, “see you next month” to those at home.  A statement like that, brings many many mixed emotions to my heart and soul.  On one hand, the thought of seeing friends, family and youth brings an excitement into my entire being that I cannot explain.  I am excited to reconnect over a walk in the park.  To share stories and hear how God has been working, over a cup of hot coffee.  What a joy it will be.

On the flip side, the thought of going home also brings about a whole different bout of sadness to my inmost being and I honestly do not know how I am going to say ‘good bye’ to these kids in a few short weeks.  I ‘fear’ how reverse culture shock will ‘hit’ me upon arriving at home.  I know already, that my emotions will get the best of me and so I ask that patience and grace will be extended as I try and share what is going on inside of me.

As if leaving Grace in 2012 wasn’t hard enough, leaving now will be near impossible.  This place truly has become my ‘home away from home’ and I know I’ll be leaving behind an even greater piece of my heart.  Instead of only a few strong connections, I will now be leaving an awesome group of 10 grade 10’s who I have grown to love teaching each day.  Their personalities as diverse one can imagine.  I will miss getting my many hugs every day, from a certain 8 year old, as she leaps into my arms regardless if I am ready to catch her or not.  That act alone speaks to the love and trust that has been built.  Sunday afternoon bible studies with the older dorm girls, has become an intentional time in digging into the Word of God together, as Beloved Daughters.  I’ll miss being called “Auntie Nikki” by over 100+ young voices.  Quiet times of listening, as one opens up about past hurts and pains, praying for the individual beside me, will soon become a memory.  Yet the prayers, won’t ever stop.  Hand in hand with the little ones, walking them to school for another day of learning, is a moment in which has become priceless to me.  Listening to the kids sing praises to God each and every Sunday morning, leaves me in awe of just how Great our God is!

Recently, the comment was made to me, “I don’t know how you can do it.  Pour into so many people like you do and help everyone” Truth is, I cannot help everyone.  However, it is the moments mentioned above, that drives me on each and every day here in Zambia.  It is the anticipation of reconnecting with those at home that drives me on to love those here, harder.  At the same time, it is that anticipation of reconnecting with those at home, that drives me on to love them harder even from afar.  One moment, one life at a time. 

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter where one is in this world.  God calls us to love.  To BE His hands and feet.  For me in this moment, God has called me here to love.  So love I will. 

In Him, I will renew my strength.  I will rise on wings of eagles and soar.  I can run and not grow weary.  Always, when I wait for Him.  I can walk and never faint.  Always, when I wait for You.