‘I am sorry for your loss but his death is a blessing
in disguise.’
“Are you stupid? I KNOW it was a blessing but right
now that is the last thing I want to hear.
Don’t you get it? I knew it would be LONG before you even heard he was
sick! Don’t you think I have wrestled with that more times than you can count?
Do not even DARE tell me that. You have
no right what so ever. If I hear that
statement one more time, regardless who says it, I am going to flip out and it
is not going to be good.”
To cover up the stunned
look of disbelief on my face, I quickly found myself politely saying, “Thank
you” and doing what I could to end that conversation right then and there instead
of saying what was really on my mind. Welcome
to the majority of the way in which conversations started for me this past
week.
To say it was an easy
week, would be a straight up lie. In
reality, it was one of the hardest weeks that I have had in a long time and I
found myself wrestling with the fact that I did not know what to do about it. Just over a week ago, we buried my
uncle.
A few weeks earlier,
during a youth small group discussion on waiting on God, the question was
raised, “What if we are waiting for something bad to happen?” THAT is a
good question. I found myself stumbling
for words so instead of even attempting to ‘sugar coat’ it, I was completely
honest with the grade 10’s before me. I
shared that I was ‘waiting’ for a funeral.
That, short of a miracle, the entire family knew without a doubt a
funeral was in our near future. Needless
to say, this got the groups attention very quickly and I knew that they could
see the turmoil upon my face and within my heart.
The morning of my uncle’s
funeral, I was asked if I would be able to read his obituary. I’ve done a lot of things in my life but
reading my uncle’s obituary was never
on my ‘bucket list’, or any list for that matter. However when my aunt asked me if I could, I
instantly replied “I’d be honoured too”.
The burial itself was small and it took place before the service. Only family and close friends in attendance. However, I know I’ll never be able to get the
look on the grandkids face, out of my mind.
Combine that visual, with the sound of the dirt hitting the casket as my
cousin took the first shovel of dirt to cover his dad’s grave, and I knew that
my eyes would be in a constant state of ‘wet’ for the day. Ironically enough, that morning also happened
to be the first snow fall of the season as large flakes were falling from the
Heavens.
We arrived at the church and
I quickly realized that talking to people was the last thing I wanted to do in
that moment. I found my seat and starred
up at the slide show before me. Before I
knew it, time came to share the obituary.
As I started to speak, I could feel my body shaking and my knees feeling
like they wanted to give way. No I wasn’t
nervous of the 400+ people before me, I’ve spoken in front of large crowds
before. It was the reality of what I was
doing, the reality of the situation before me, that suddenly ‘hit me like a ton
of bricks’. What struck me the most, was
the impact one man had on the many lives before me and I found myself asking, “What
do I want to be remembered for? What
sort of impact am I having right here, right now? What am I doing to further the Kingdom of God
right here and now?” All I know is that God heard my earlier pleads for steady
words.
If I learned anything
through this specific journey, it is that life is so fragile. However, the
ripple effect that one life has, has the ability to rock this world locally and
abroad. Life is so precious and it is
not something to be taken for granted for. In the end, we will be with Him in Eternity
but the time we are given on earth is important. Jesus came to bring us life and He wants us
to live it to fullest.
