don't know what to say

Well, thats not true, there is acutally tons to say...but I dont know how to say it...if that makes sense. No I am not dying or anyhting bad, so relax that parts ok...though in sense I am dying-Spiritually Dying that is. Again I hate the fact that I am even writing that, but its true...I know God is there, I know He is working...but I cant Hear Him...its annoying and I hate waiting...but what else can I do? I am praying, reading through Luke and reading God on Mute but He is still silent...God where are you? How come I can't hear you? I am here, I am waiting, I WANT to serve you...Lord lead me, guide me, reveal yourself to me

Christmas Holidays

I am now on Christmas holidays:D have been all week already which is sweet! but yah home was good till about last week saturday (I got home last friday evening) then it started to get boring...I mean you go from livng in dorm with 30 plus ladies which is always fun and exciting...to just home? where you know the routine and everything? Its a little boring and repetitive yah know? oh well. Its good though, catching up on lots of sleep...though I am around till jan 5 and need some people time (other then famaily) to hang out with!
But tis the season and hope its a blessing to you!

Its about the Cross

Some more lyrics to check out!
Read em, its a good song...made me think...

Verse 1:

It's not just about the manger
Where the baby lay
It's not all about the angels
Who sang for him that day

It's not just about the shepherds
Or the bright and shining star
It's not all about the wisemen
Who travelled from afar

Chorus:
It's about the cross
It's about my sin
It's about how Jesus came to be born once
So that we could be born again

It's about the stone
That was rolled away
So that you and I could have real life someday

It's about the cross
It's about the cross

Verse 2:

It's not just about the presents
Underneath the tree
It's not all about the feeling
That the season brings to me

It's not just about coming home
To be with those you love
It's not all about the beauty
In the snow I'm dreaming of

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:

The beginning of the story is wonderful and great
But it's the ending that can save you and that's why we celebrate

It's about the cross
It's about my sin
It's about how Jesus came to be born once
So that we could be born again

It's about God's love
Nailed to a tree
It's about every drop of blood that flowed from Him when it should have been me

It's about the stone
That was rolled away
So that you and I could have real life someday
So that you and I could have real life someday

It's about the cross
It's about the cross

--
Nikki Friesen

scary moment

Coming back to school this past saturday, we had a scary moment and I am so glad That God reminded me that he protects us!
So we were driving down that high way before the 59, we turned at morris.  SO yah we driving and then apparently the person who I was driving with, thought this on coming car was coming at us (which it might have been) but I dont think it was...anyways so theyis starting to slow down and heading to the shoulder-meanwhile we had just talked about another friend flipping her brothers truck on that same highway in october, so inside I am GOING "oh shit we are going to flip!" then we ended up doing basically a 290 on the road and ending up on the other lane on the other shoulder...if that makes sense....thankfully there was no one coming traffic (other then the intial truck..) and the closest car behind us was quite far behind us.  But yah so the car spun, dust etc and we stopped just like that and the car shut off...it was freaky....but then car started and we continued...I was so paranoid inside each time we passed a vehicale after that...but yah...got back to dorm and then it hit me.  We ran into a friend back at school wlaking in to dorm and I gave her a BIG hug... just glad to be back for more then one reason....
but yah, definately had angels around last night....God was good and I said an extra thanks last night...we think it was God's way of reminding us to trust him...
so yah thats my story...
i am alive, I am fine, the shakes have worn offf and that gals here are great and I love being back surronded by them

THis little experience reminded me to trust GOd and the potential of how bad that accident could have been.  Like really, it felt like we were going to flip and die...and I realized that I am not yet ready to die-at least not that way.  LIke I know where I am going, but it gave me a greater appreciation for life and friends and family and the holiday season.  My friend and I were talking as we continued on and after saying "thanks God" we both thought that maybe it was His way of giving us a nudge to remind us that He is there, watching out for us (though we both agreed he could have done that a different way!)  But yah it made me think, made me glad to be alive.  I got back to dorm and realized how shaken I was and even now, getting back into a car has been a little difficult...like I trust the people I am driving with, however I am realizing I am tending to grab the seat/door side thing a bit harder now-which is not cool because usually driving does not scare me but now there is always this fear.  Prayer for that would be great.  It still might be the shakes, or still to fresh in my mind but i dont like it cause driving has never scared me before.
I know this Christmas, I will hold my loved ones a little closer....
stay safe
--
Nikki Friesen

 
 
 
 

something to think about

Each day-I get a Bible verse through this website thing.  Its ironic how the verses that I get, when I need them the most, come...if that at all made sense.  WEll today was Jer. 29:11 and with it came the weekly wisdom that looks deeper into the situation, usually I dont click for an expanded version on it, but today I did and read through it and this line jumped out at me especially because of the time of school year it is with classes, exams, stresses etc etc.
Read it, pray about it, act on it

It is imperative that you prevent any sort of substitute from becoming first place in your life. Fill your life with the true, living God, not a phony substitute.

Decide to put God first in your life: spend significant, quality, personal time with Him. Put the first, most important thing (God) first place in your life.

Yah this bolded part hit me, cause thats what I am lacking, spending significant, quality, personal time with HIM

Are you?

--
Nikki Friesen

Pictures

T-minus 2 weeks til Christmas holidays and I am SO excited and can not wait for them! It will be great to just get away and have no homework and just relax! ENjoy the few pics from around school this last while

"Run"

Why do you run? Why do I run?  Here are the lyrics to the song "run" by Kutless...
read it, meditate on it, let it speak to you cause its speaking to me... Why do you RUN?

"Run"

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know I
just, just want to be with you.

Looking down from above as you watch TV
Wondering why, oh you're ignoring me
Do you remember, remember when I came to you
And you loved me
And I'm waiting for you
And I'm waiting for you

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh do't you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you...

Whatever happened to the love, the love you had for me
When you first came to me
Don't you know that I died, died so I could be with
you forever.
And I'm waiting for you
And I'm waiting for you

Why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hid oh don't you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you...

Find a place of solitude, and I'll speak to you
As you pray to me
Don't you know I'm waiting here, waiting for you to
read and hear my words
I'm waiting here missing the time the times we shared
oh, please come to me

So, why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know I
just, just want to be with you, to be with you
Hey, why do you run why do you hide oh don't you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you...


--
Nikki Friesen

Exhuasted...Physically and Spiritually

Wow...ever have those moments when you just need to get away and get yourself back together?  I know you have, dont lie.  Dont get me wrong, I love dorm, I really do, however that Christmas break that is 3 weeks is MUCH needed on everyone's part here.  It seems at though people are getting at each others throats and super stressing out over work, homework and just every day life...yah its tough.  Makes sense though, since it is towards the end of the semester. it also doesnt help that its IMPACT weekend this weekend which means Dorm and campus have doubled in population, which is awesome, but it adds to the tiredness and fatique that is around along with the stress that is around as well.  I have definatly noticed that in people who are ususally happy and outgoing, they are just grumpy and just NOT fun to be around these days.

 

But enough about other people, time to analyze me...thats always fun....How am I doing?  you know I really dont know...tired-again both spiritually, and physically (consecuative 2 AM bed times gets to you after a while) and mentally as well.  Again I LOVE dorm and am learning so much but sometimes I wish that God would let my human brain catch up to HIs works and allow me to comprehend what is going on yah know.  Lot of tough questions have been going on, have been being asked as well-such is what is evil, did God create it etc etc-(see last post) so yah theres those questions, then theres other situations going on that require harding thinking and questions.  Then throw the acutally school work into it and yah it all adds up and is insane so really I dont know how I am.  The speaker for Impact today mentioned something about these masks that we put on-these fake masks that "yah everything is good-reading bible lots, praying lots etc etc" when in reality...its the opposite.  God and I-i'd like to say we are close-some days it feels like we are, but truth be told, havent really had a "God' moment for a while..though that too was told yesterday that EVERY moment is a God moment.  I read that I go that line in itself is a joke becuase I KNOW I have had God moments lately-His AMAZING timing has been coming into play and its been quite the ride to be a apart of and riding it.  I dont know...its tough and I dislike not knowing...i have been saying i dont know to a LOT of things lately...
so yah thats it for now...read it think about it, let me know your thoughts preferablly through email as Iacutally cant access blogspot itself here at school.  so yah give me a shout at nfriesen@gmail.com with your thgouths!
and pray for me
Looking for HIS face

--
Nikki Friesen

This passage

This passage has been coming up so often latly for me and I dont know why.  It has come up a few times in class, and I should say in DIFFERENT classes which are not related.  It has come up on sites while searching for other classes, it has come up (more then once) in conversations and talking with people...Yah Its out of Romans 12 and I am not sure how I feel about it...OH and its also the theme for IMPACT this weekend-Romans 12:1-2.  So God...my question for you is...what are you trying to tell me? teach me?
Read it, let me know what you think of it
(The parts in Bold...are the parts I struggle with...and the parts which are bolded and italicized are random thoughts/questions I have of that text)

Romans 12

Living Sacrifices

 1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

 3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his^[b]faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Love

 9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

 14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.Do not be conceited.

 17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. (do we ever fully get the justice we need and deserve if someone has wronged us?  Is God's wrath the legal side of it? or is that just our human way of dealing with things? Will we see God's wrath/revenge then on those?)
 20 On the contrary:
   "If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
      if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
   In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (why is it so much easier to over come evil with evil? how does Justice fit into it all? Why is this SO hard?)

Did God Create Evil?  Did GOd create Hell?  How do those two aspects tie into it all?  again, some random thoughts, but yet at the same time, not so random....theres perpahs and meaning behind these questions...Yah God's making  me think these days, and its acutally kind of scary....
--
Nikki Friesen

Somewhere In the Middle

In your relationship with God...where are you?  Do you know where you stand?  Are you seeking?  Are you right there next to Him and feeling His loving arms wrapped around you?  Are you off in the shadows, not quite sure where you belong?  Are you in the middle? 
God meets you where you are, through the good, bad and ugly, He WILL meet you somewhere in the Middle

"Somewhere In The Middle"-By Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle




--
Nikki Friesen

Countin Down

Here I am, back at school, and basically procrastingating proofreading an assignment...ah well.
Looking at the calendar this past weekend, I realized that a month from now, I will be at home for Christmas break! How crazy awesome is that?  kind of scary as well! Especially considering how much I still have to do...well Ok I guess in reality its not thaaaaaaaat much-just one major paper, 2 solo presentations, one group presentation and small assignment-so really not bad compared to some I think.  But yah its exciting-that said though-prayer for these next 3-4 weeks would be great as they can be pretty hetic and crazy with social life, homework, other commitments and all of that.  Its that famous balancing act that we all do!  But yah such is life
anyways-for those that read this, yah prayer would be great!  Plans for this week, isnt much, getting a presentation ready, coffee each night with friends, Mission X stuff, homework etc etc but oh look at that! Its almost chapel time!
Have a great week!
till next time
In Him

--
Nikki Friesen

--
Nikki Friesen

Dreams

Dreams....
What are your dreams for your life? What are your goal or your plans for your future?
Lately I have been challenged to think about my dreams/goals and I came to a wierd realization today that I acutally dont know what my dreams are.  I know of things that I want to do, but are those dreams? Are those goals?  What happens when those dreams/goals are stripped from us? either by the realization that there is NO way we can accomplish them, or if they get "stolen" from us against our will by someone else?  WHere do we lie then?

 

For myself, I know what I want to do with my life in the sense that I want to do something with kids and travel, but beyond that, I really dont know.  Another thing for me, something which I struggle with when it comes to larger choices, is motivation.  What is my Motivation for doing what I want to do?  I have realized that although it was the BESTt thing for me at the time, my motivations for Eruope where waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay wrong.  Yes I went to a bible school so there was slight motivation there, however deep down, that wasnt the real motivation why I went. I went because I had to PROVE to other people (friends and family as well), that I COULD and WOULD do it.  However not only that, I think the main reason I went was to prove to MYSELF that I could and WOULD do it.  I dont know maybe those were good motivations, but maybe not.  Bring it even closer to home now-practicum...what are my motivations for really wanting to go to Belize?  I dont think they are right and I think that that is why God isnt opening up that door at this point yet...still praying.

But yah thats my challenge for those who read this:  First-DISCOVER what your dreams are-no matter what age you are-God says "ask and you shall recieve, seek and the doors will open"  so are you asking? are you seeking those dreams?  Forget what other people say about not being able to do it, GO FOR IT.  GOd will totally get you through if thats what HE wants for your life.

Check your motivations- is it, "what I  want?" or what "God" wants? CHeck em, question them, ask other people

DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS BECAUSE SOMEONE SAYS YOU CANT DO IT!  THey are YOUR dreams!  Your GOD GIVING dreams, dont EVER let go
Looking to HIM

--
Nikki Friesen

Trust

What is trust?
Who do you trust?  Why do you trust them?
Are we to nieve to trust?
How does one regain trust when it has been lost?  Is it possible?
Do we ever fully trust anybody?

 

These are just a few thoughts which have been going through my head lately.  What is trust and how does it play into my life?  We trust everyday of our life-wheter we are aware of it or not.  We trust that the car next to us on the highway will not ram us.  We trust that people will stop at the stop sign.  We trust that when we see snow outside, the snow will feeel cold, We trust our feet to walk the way they are supopse to;one in front of each other, we trust that when we flick on the light switch, the light will go on.  But do we trust ourselves and other people?  I want to be a trust worthy person, but how does one go about doing that/being that?  If our hearts were broken, how long does it take for that trust to come back and heal? does it ever? What does the bible say about trust? What does Jesus say about trust?  we are suppose to trust our lives with Him-He is the maker of all things, the Creator-so then why is He sometimes the hardest one to trust?  We know HE wants whats best for us, yet we are often least trusting of Him and his ways.  We know He wants whats best for us and that he loves us, so one would think, that he would be the easiest to trust-but again, why does it always feel like we are having to trust him with the "big decisions" in life?  Does it ever come naturally?

What spiked this thought?  a few things in my head, a conversation here and there, school, practicum, life in general.  TRUST what does it really mean-to you and the person "trusting"?

In Him
--
Nikki Friesen

MX 2 NORTH

MISSION X 2!  I AM SO STOKED FOR IT!  FOllowing this is a quick run down!
So here it is, here is my run down
I am so excited already for it!
We are going to a reserve called...Oxford House...but get this-this is one of the TWO FLY IN communities!  Yeppers thats right, so I get an 8 hour car ride up to Thompson (like everyone else) PLUS a plane ride! (Small charter flight thing:D)  not sure how long that is, but yah, excited!!! 
So Here is the team:
WE are a 4 person team (restricted to numbers because of the fly in-most we can fit in the plane)  the team consits of 2 guy and 2 gals
Someone else and I are heading up this team-what they did this year was pick certain people out of our 2nd year class and I was included on that list (go figure, SBC is seeing leadership qualities in me...)  which I am stoked about, but along with that, a little nervous as well...so yah extra prayer as well in that sense of leadership and how to lead and guide the team in the pre work, while we are there, and after.  Ministry is about taking leadership I guess and I have often thought myself as more of a "follower" so to speak, but if I am gonna do this, I am all in!  Its exciting...God is preparing us all for something big and this is a small step in that direction!
Yah so there yah go! 
any questions feel free to fire them my way!
Thanks guys!

Yah it will be hard, stretching, but also I am really really really looking forward to it!  God is good, He knows what He is doing and He is totally working and moving already!  I ask that you would join me in praying for this mission trip-both as you read this and as you think about it on and off till then!  Thanks!

God Bless

Morning!

Well Here I am, I am back at school for another two weeks fo classes, friends and yeps, you guessed it-homework!  This past week off went by way to quick, yet at the same time, it felt like it took forever!  Whats even harder to believe is that I remember going out for ice cream with a few friends last year at the end of August and mentioning to them how nervous I was about coming to SBC, yet how come fall break last year (again end of October) it would be all good...Well that was a year a go and its crazy to think of how fast time has gone!  HOw much I have done since then, and how Much I Have learned! Makes me wonder where I will be next year this time and what I would have all experienced!

 

This past thursday- I got to go to a Steve Bell concert in the area.  WOw is that guy good on his guitar!  Talent for sure-however he said something during that timeh has sort of stuck out...although I cant remember it...go figure...but part of the reason why I think it stuck out is because it had to do with something I had experienced earlier in the day.  I went into work, just to chat with a few people (my boss included) as well as to drop off cookies.  So I went right around break time at work (which I knew) and I passed someone walking out and we chatted a bit and I offered him a cookie and he asked me "why do you do that?"  I was like do what?  He said, "Bring cookies here, like why"  not accusing me of anything, but he was genuienly confused of why I would bring cookies especially since I currently dont work there.  THe question caught me off gaurd, but my reply was this, "Why not?"  and he looked at me, smiled and said, "ok fair enough"

"Why NOt?"  I know how much they like getting food there (especially cookies) so why not make someone's day and bring them cookies?  NOt sure where I am going with this, as I am also procrastinating doing homework once agian (wow I am good at that!)  but maybe next time, you too will catch someone with a random act of kindness-something that maybe small to you, but will make the other person stop and think about it...may

--
Nikki Friesen

Song for the day

Sang this song today in church today, it is slowly becoming a favorite of mine-also in part of how its done and all. Its a great reminder of God's grace and power and love as well. Food for the thought...I love the line about "Lifting us up on wings like eagle" what great imagery and power.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

Last Post

No, this is not the last post as in I am done blogging, cause I am not, but the last post called testing was just that, a test to see if it works to email myself to update my blog while I am at school since the site itself we can not access, and apparently it works, so for those that still read it..I hope to update it more often with pics and storeis and thoughts while I am acutally at school now instead of just the weekends I come home! Leave a comment or something so I know who reads it

test

Testing!

--
What Would Jesus Do?

Content

Learning to be content...why is that always so hard?
I love SBC and am so very happy that I chose to do another year there cause it has been awesome and totally rewarding and all that good stuff, but at the same time...I ache for something new...something exciting and adventerous! Which is wierd considering how interverted I am, yet how I love new experiences once I am on them...but thats a whole nother issue for another time.
I guess some of it has to do with knowing different places that friends are going/have been.
Heres the thing though...I know next summer (like summer 09) I will be doing something international...I have to for my practicum at school so its not like I know I wont be traveling soon, cause I wil be...its just the waiting and figuring the stuff out that sucks and is hard.
There are so many options out there as far as service goes-both locally and internationally...I did some lookng the other day and yah its overwhelming. A professor of mine gave me this advice when looking...he said to "first look at the ministry itself...then look at geographical location of it" WIth this in mind, I was searching....its kind of funny, well ironic that the places that came up were either latin america, africa (uganda/s. Africa etc) China and India..all places that when I look at them, honestly scare me. Like I LOVE to travel as you most know...but could I do something like that alone? (well not alone, but you know what I mean) I guess this is when we turn to prayer hardcore...and continue in believing in a Faith, in a GOD who is very alive, present and moving throughout the WOrld today...and in the mean time, learning and remembering how to be content with where we are right here and now...

Happy Thanksgiving

Its that time of year again, no Not Christmas (at least not yet!) but also a good Holiday..Thanksgiving!
A time to remember to be thankful for what you have. I could go on about all the things I am thankful for...and the list is very long. But what I am most thankful for (even though this may sound cliche to a point) is for a God who loves me for me. A God who I can talk to (and sometime-like yesterday-scream at) and yet He is still there. I am thankful that although I may not get all the theology and way things are done when it comes to being a believer in CHrist, I take comfort in knowing that again, He loves me and has an amazing plan for my life.
I am thankful for the cross, the ultimate sacrifice and the Freedom we have through that and because of that.
Thank you God...
(oh yah, just a few random pics from this year so far)

Whirlwind ride

Wow what a ride it has been these last two weeks. THere should be warning labels or something when one accepts CHrist..actaully no cause that would scare people off-or make them think again. Does that make sense?
I was recently asked by a friend that, if its ok to feel scared? Scared about what? About anything, about what the future holds, about the past, present, certain situations.
These last two weeks at school have been quite a ride. Homework wise it has not been bad, at least not yet (and am surprised not that far behind considering it has felt like I have done nothing) but mentally its been quite exhausting. One thing that I am learning lots and lots is the importance of friends and honesty and lifting each other through the tough times. I am realzing that when it comes to friends, if they are in pain or struggling or something, I have to be able to do something, I CAN NOT sit back and not do anything-its just not me and I am getting a crash course on it.

Today I spent over an hour out on the farm just talking, and a little shouting, to God. So many questions and thoughts and all-it was good, I think for Both of us. We dont always see eye to eye (which is good) so to be able to be outside in the cool, away from people, gave me a time to think, reflect, pray and cry. Try it I recommend it-it helps

We are all getting a crash course on learning what it means to be a unifed body of Believers. God calls us to bear one another burdens yes some days it might be tough, and hard, But God is ulitmatley in control, we need to Lift up our Burdens together to Him and Let Him Carry us through the Pain.
On that note, Pray for me as I walk along side people and their hurt. PRay for the students as we cope with diffeerent stresses that come before us. Pray for the profs and facutly who are there to help us through. Pray for the community at SBC, that we learn to grow and trust each other
GOd is good, even through the bad

So Many thoughts

Wow-what an intense week.
School is going great. Classes are good-hard in some ways-stretching and challenging the way I am thinking in some areas-which is good-its making me aware. THis last weekend was Red Rock and like last year it was lots of fun, great memories and at the same time, heart breaking and unity and kionionia-unity. One thing that i think most people think of when they think "bible college" students, is not how perfect their lives are, but since it is a bible school, it must be shelter and life must be pretty good (I mean come on, if you are at a bible school it must be), but I learnt/realized this past week that it is anything but that. Sometimes being in Bible school is tougher then universtity for that reason-people think life is good, when it could be quite the opposite. Does that make sense?
I came into this year challenge by a friend to yes focus on school work (the acedemic part of it), but to reach out to friends (first years in particular) and to focus on relationships. So that is what I have been doing. It was been totally rewarding thus far and I will continue to do it. That said, it is a lot to handle mentally and all. So for those who read-pray for me.
Another thing is balance-where does that balance come in with new friends, old friends, home, acedemics etc etc. I am also realizing that it is a lot hard this year and I think it has to do in part with being open and sharing right off the hop with friends. Its draining it really is. SO prayer for that as well, for balance.
Oh this thing called life is an interesting ride...I am sure everyone can relate to some extent. I guess this is where Giving it all to God comes in...
yah its been a great week,hard week, rewarding week. God is making me grow, He is stretching me in ways which I never knew I could be stretched, but I thank Him for that.

2 weeks done!

HEre I am on my first weekend at home since school. Where do I start? SChool has been great, been a lot of fun re connecting with friends and all of that. Classes are awesome. Learning lots and being challenged already. I am in Interpersonal Processes (looking at personality types), Christian Ethics (should be really mentally challenging but awesome) Theology, Cultural Anthropology, and Mission theology and stragety. There have already been trials, but living in community there, reminds me the importance of it-the support that is there. Yah its awesome, liking it lots and lots already. Tomorrow is an early morning-a friends wedding which I am excited for, it just means an early morning but it will be good. Yah I should be doing homework, but an evening off is good!

Leave tomorrow!

Well, as the heading suggests, I leave tomorrow morning! Woot! Can't wait! Wow though, I dont recall taking as much stuff last year as I am taking tomorrow! Guess this year I know what to bring and all so that just makes it more. I know I came home last year with way more stuff then I originally took! Whoa, I can't wait though, little nervous now, wierd I know, mayeb its the whole idea of change again and a new routine. Yah thats it-change
yah well its good for us all. Camping this weekend was really good, good food, fun, friends, converstations, the works:D
short post, as I am off to bed!

Last update

So either tomorrow night or Friday morning I am taking off to camping on more time with the family till sunday then gathering sunday evening. Whew, this was a crazy week with work and all, yeppers it was, but it was good! crazy though the thought of heading back to school already, and how fast those few months went! Last night I had two awesome phone calls from to amazing friends. One from Leah which was awesome-it was great just to reconnect and talk. It was awesome
The second was from Shelby (friend from EUrope)-
I was reminded again how fortunate I am with the friends I have! They are truely a blessing!
Yah so last update for now, seeing how I dont have access at school to blogging and all, will try to update every so often when I get home or through wireless at McDonald's.! until then Take care!

I've Been Told...

I've Been Told...

I've Been told that 2 comes after 1 and 1+1 is 2.

As a young Kid I was told that once you grow up-you wanna been small again...
THough some days, this is very true, other days I wish I were older....Well still some days I just want time to stop cause I am having too much fun (I guess this is where the contentness comes in)

I've Been told that Life doesnt get easier as you get older, in fact some say harder...though this maybe true, I think life is what you make of it/how you deal with things which occur in your life.

I've been told that maintaining friendships (especially distant relationships) is difficult and require more work- This too, I have come is find is true, however personally I find it easier keeping in contact with friends who are farther away physically, then friends who live near by (this may have to do with a few other factors which I do not care to go into now)

I've Been told that the 3-4th weeks of camp (if you do all summer) are the most difficult. This I will take their word for as I have never experienced a full summer of camp (those which have, is this true?)

I've been told that the second year of school (any sschool potentially, but in my case, second year at SBC) is the most difficult. With that point, it will lead me into a short entry which may have a part two (if I rememember...)

REasons which apparently second year is hardest is because (hopefully) after a stellar first year, you come back sort of expecting it to be the same as when you left, but you forget that the third years are gone and there is a new batch of first years. Buildings change (which will be a case this year with the dorms) so that will be different. New routine of classes. Familiar, old faces, yet faces that may look different then they did four months a go.
I stoked cause a fairly good portion of my class is heading back for year two, however 4 months have passed, things happend, people change, we learn we grow...it will be interesting to see how we have/havent changed. We, as a class, step more into a leadership role of leading the first years (and to some degree the third years) we MIss those who are not back (whether they graduated earlier or are on some other path)
I know for myself, I am excited to return, to catch up. But at the same time, little nervous. I miss last years third years already and the dynamics they brought as a class. How have my friends changed? how have I changed? I know its only 4 months, but still that can be a long, drastic time for some...
Just a few thoughts...

ANother New toy and two more weeks:D

Ok remind me next time I see a camera store, to just avoid it! All I wanted was a new camera bag (which I got-sweet lowpro one) however I also walked out (paid of course) with a new lens! It was just to cheap to pass by....plus a really good discussion with the sales guy...it was sweet:D But yes, this lens is more of a macro/sports lens-a lot more centerd focus-it has no zoom to it (who need tha twith the other lens I got!) Yah time to buckle down and read those manuals and really dig into the camera and learn

So yah, tomorrow marks two more weeks of work:D Yah I am stoked about that, but before that is over, many more hours will be put in! (this whole summer, minus the days I had off, I have only worked 2, 8 hour days! The rest of been 9-10 hour days)
But that allowed me to get that lens so thats good. Work overall has been good-very tring some days just cause of a few people who work there, but all in all, its been good:D

I am so stoked for school though! Just to re connect with friends, meet new people and learn more about God (get some of those questions answerd). Its crazy how fast summer has gone, I remember leaving that last day of school, waiting to go home so bad, but yet not becuase that meant itw as 4 months till I saw them al again, well here its 3 and a half months later and we are working on heading back! Crazy how fast time has gone!
Just a few highlites from the summer
SBC get together in June-just reconnect one more time:D
Camping in july and august (with no injuries so far:D)
Turtle Mountian Bible Camp!!! SUch an awesome time! Great people, Great staff, awesome fun and one amazing GOD!! cant wait to go back!
Another major high was also earlier on in may, during may long, when I headed to Ontario to meet up with friends from Europe. Just an awesome time to reconnect and remind me the importance of friends everywhere. I will always remember that time!
That said, heres to Summer 2008- a summer of its highs and lows, falling but also learning to stand strong, the answers and guidence it provided as well as the questions and concerns it brought up-always learning and growing!

HOwever-heres to a new school year- a new year to connect with old friends, make new friends, follow God, build each other up, learn, grow, tumble, fall and keep striving till the very end!

NEW LENS

Check it out! MY BRAND NEW NIKKOR 70-300 MM LENS! ITS HUGE! Its awesome! I am in love with it! Yah it totally made working all that Over time worth it! Yah I am excited. I am excited for school for the pics there, and this and that yah I am just excited
oh also two more week sleft of work! woot! Thats it for now!

What is this world coming to?

What is this world coming to...I mean seriously. I am pretty sure most everyone has heard about the murder and beheading that took place last week wednesday on a Grey hound bus bound for Winnipeg... I am sure this question has popped into lots of peoples heads this last week, but "why? Why God?" Why was it so "random" and so grewsome? Its like an episode of Criminal Minds...only real and waaaaay to close to home for comfort...Besides all the Political mess that will now come out of this, what Posesses somebody to do that to another human being? Mentally there or not...I dont understand it.
Mom and I were talking about it (as lots of people are) and she said too, "I know we arent suppose to ask or wonder, but why would God allow it?" God is a God who is Just, who is Righteous, good and Loving, He is our Father, the GREAT I AM, why would He allow this? Instead of responding to her question, I commented back with, "It make me wonder if God ever regrets promising not to send another flood over the entire earth (see Genesis. If its as bad as it is now, how bad was it back in Biblical times that God would wipe out man kind then, and not now? "
Was it a different kind of sin? More sexual instead of Violent? or were things so bad that we couldnt dream up ideas even close to what was going on then? I dont know-its makes me really wonder.
Last post I posted about God's Protection over TMBC, but where was GOd's hand over this 22 year old? over the bus?
THey say everyting happens for a reason
but it still leaves me the question, "WHy God Why?

All Praises to the Great I AM

Well I did it
Yet another two weeks have come and gone and as I type this, I am at home and my time at Turtle Mountain Bible camp (TMBC) has passed, but the memories will last. How do I sum up my last two weeks in a blog that wont take lots of hours to read? Yah I know I didnt update it much while I was gone...no time and didnt want to waste teh time I had with kids on here.
But yah all in all it was an amazing experience-one which I hope to experience again, whether its at the same camp or else where. Now I am in the process of trying to process it all...seeing how its sort of difficult to do that there since you are always moving and going and all. Lets just say if you want to hear more after you've read this post, give me a call or email or something, cuase I will just highlight a few things on here
What I Learnt/reminded of
1. God loves me (and you) so much that He sent Jesus to die for our sins so that we may have a relationship with him, regardless of past sins/mistakes
2. God is totally working, even through campers/people when we dont think He is
3. God is a God who protects us- this point he proved again and again with keeeping the camp safe from a tornado 2 miles down to the south of us, and another one 10-15minutes away. Praise God we were totally fine, no damage or anything
4. God is always there
5. Prayer works-it really does and it totally pays to start the day off in prayer
6. Relationships are so very important (especially a relationship with God) but with people as well. We all crave relationships
7. There is beauty all around-take time to soak it in-its a gift from God
8.Even though we may not have the answers to life questions, God does and he will work through us

Yah just a few things I've learnt (along with a small taste of pics). Those weeks, i felt nervous, scared, incapable of the task, excited, thrilled, stoked, rejuvenated, lost, basically everything a person could feel.
In closing (this post anyways) I have been asked, would I go back...my answer is simple...YES

Week one done

hey
so its the weekend and I am at someone from camps house so Ihave a bit more time(this keyboard is wierd though) wow tho, camp-here I thought I came to teach, instead I learnt so very much as well!my cabin was great, though a few behavioural issues with a few campers, not cool, but all it allit was awesome! My cabin leaderwith me was awesome, actaullyfromkleefeld and knows matt-wierd. Asnyways yah. God was totallyawesome this week, like normal. He protectedteh campfrom what could have been two severe storms that included tornados, we wereuntouched. Praise God. I gotto know some of thegirls really well and just listening tothem,digging into the wordandasking those tough questions...makes meexcited onmore then one level:D Makes me excited to learn more again come school! maybe to put abitmoreeffort into some papers aswell.... so yah
I will be cabinleaderswith a girlwho has beenmto the camp before (though havent metheras she is only coming tomorrow) and a DNT (disciple in training) I metthem this last week. As far as skills go-I will be doing arts andcrafts (mightlearnto croche!) sports and games and get this, canoeing! hehehehe finalgetto go on thelake! woot! This lastweekk I did crafts and creation-itwas good:D
yah campisgoing good,enjoying it lots! Thanks for praying and keeppraying! It is very important and I willfillyou in ondetails when I gethome!

At Camp

So yah I am at camp-Going on day 3.5ish (sunday didnt really count!) But this will be short as I dont have a lot of time. But yah it was brand new when I got here and my gut was like" ok take me home mom and dad!" Very overwhelmed at first, but happy to say that that feeling is gone. campers are great. I have a cabin of 10 girls, ages 12-14 and so far its pretty good. Major prayer request is for wisdom with the questions. Really hard and really tough, God is totally taking it though. he is working and Moving! Its awesome!
Prayer request: health=some sickness going around between leaders and campers
saftey= the other day we had pea size hail, however, 2 miles south (no joke) and about 10 minutes away, two tornados touched down, some damage, butwe are totally safe and good! Praise God!
team Unity-hard to step in when everyone knows everyone! Pray for me as I adjust still and get to know other leaders.
Pray for a ride home once I am done (little nervous bout that) but I am giving it to God! Pray he provides 9which I know he will)
FUN! that thecamperswill enjoy themeselves!
Thats it from here!

Last update from home before I leave

Tomorrow morning, I am getting a ride to camp... How am I feeling? Similar feelings to Europe acutally, little nervous and a lot excited! It will be a brand new adventure and here is a very quick layout for the next two weeks.
Arrive at camp tomorrow by 2. Campers come at 3:30. I will be senior counsalling ages 12-14 girls the week of July 6-12 and ages 10-12 from July 13-19. Little nervous about the junior high age, but also excited as that should be a good age for connecting with them and having some solid deep conversations but will also lead to some tough questions, where I hope to be stretched as well. But yah I hope to update my blogspot
(http://troubled-heart.blogspot.com/) while I am gone, but no for sures, so remember to check that out so often and comment so I know people read it please. But yah a few prayer requests as I am sure more peeople will read this:
Prayer for saftey and health-that God will prevent sickness and injuries and all and that it will just be fun and safe
Pray for Guidence for me-this is my first time at camp for leading a cabin-like I said a little nervous-pray the Holy Spirit will work through me and that God will be glorifed
Pray for protection-Spiritual protection
Pray for friendships-one week goes quick and is hard to develop friendships and connect-pray God breaks down walls earlier on in the week and that friendships with campers and other staff will just connect and "mesh"
Pray for peace of mind-to calm not only campers nerves but mine as well when I feel overwhelmed
Pray for renewal for myself especially- I have gotten into much of a routine of working here at home that my focus is on that and not on God always like it should be. Pray this time will draw me closer to God and relight that fire for him for the rest of the summer and onward.
Pray for unity and commmunity-something SBC has taught me-pray for that
pray for the ride down to the camp-my folks are bringing me tomorrow- so prayer for a safe ride there and back for them
Thats alll I can think of now, hope to update and get one facebook at least once or twice while I am gone. Heres the site of the camp as well
http://tucktime.ca/
But yah heres too the next too weeks! Don;t forget to GIVE LIVE LOVE
God Bless

Wanting to Go when God Says "Wait"

God's Timing-I am learning more and more (especially these last few days) about God's perfect timing. Deep down, I know its true as I have been told over and over about it, or have heard stories from other people about God's perfect timing in their lives, but when Things start to click for plans that are in the making, or you realize why you should do another year of Bible school after it was a hard descision to make, it feels pretty goood. (hope that made sense).
Let me back track a bit-earlier this year (like in Feb.) I was really struggling with what to do this summer and fall. Do I stay and work locally, or do I go on some sort of international trip? Do I go back to SBC come fall or should I work and then travel in Jan? Should I go with an organization or just solo again? These questions were building up and I had no idea what to do with them.
A friend of mine made me this little collage (you know who you are!) late one night after DQ in -30 weather! and yah basically it was a map of half the world with stickers on it, different quotes and sayins on the back. On one side, it it broke down these myths about God and went on to say "what I know for sure" There was also a picture of a sketched plane that had an X through it- almost saying "not yet". Basically, now that I look at it, and think about it, the individual and poster was telling me to wait, to attend another year at least of school and just wait.
Now, a few months later, I am learning why. People through church, ironically, or part of God's plan, are getting involved with the country of Belize, either through CCI, or teaching down there. I have never thought about traveling to Belize, it was always just Europe, but now, questions like "why this year are all these connections working out when I have made good friends who live down there? Is God telling me this is where he wants me yet?
I was mentioning this all to mom this weekend at the beach and she said, "who knows, maybe this is why you had to wait, to allow all these connections to fall into place". Regardless I am pumped about it. God is good. Though I know right now, my focus needs to be on work and especially camp these next two weeks, I will keep on praying about all of this, and I ask that you do as well. Pray that God will open doors, that I will be willing to follow, even if I dont always know where I am going. Pray that I remember to wait when God says wait and GO when God says GO!

2 weeks, New experience and Junior high kids?!

Ok So I was just doing some checking on the website of the camp I am going to counsel at in a week and a half-just checking out pictures and dates and things like that-well now they had ages with their categories. I knew I am working with Intermediate and junior but didnt know which ages those implied, well anyways guess which ages I will be working with...yah thats right ages 10-14! THe First group are the junior high. Ages 12-14. Though I am stoked at this oppotunity because connecting with them should be really good and all-but at the same time, just the thought makes me more nervous for it. I worked with Junior Youth 2 years back so I have some experince, but can we ever really have enough? but yah check out main site of the camp!
http://www.tucktime.ca/

But one that note- here are just a few prayer requests prior to it and while I am at camp
-Pray that God prepares my heart for the two weeks there
-Pray that I will be able to be a witness-that God will use me for his work there
-Pray for strength and guidence- again this will be my first time at camp so chances are i will be a little clueless in some area I am sure and alos tired and not knowing what to do
-Pray for fun-that it will just be a time of learning and growing and all of that

Yah thats it for now-I hope to update as I am at camp-but no gaureentees!
until next time have a great rest of week and enjoy the long weekend!
(we are going camping! Woot!)

Thank you's and a challenge

Ok so computer messed up so this is attempt number two for this post. But here is a quick summary of what I had written-I was a part of a conversation this weekend that was on role models and mentorship-either intentially or unintentially. Looking back upon my life and the people who have impacted it-wow there are so many from all areas and walks of life! I know the best thing would be to tell them this personally, but due to some physical distance (as in not living in the area) its tough. THough Family has also impacted me-this will relfect more on the friends throughout my life. But here is a A quick example of mentorship is my little 13 year old brother and this guy heading into grade 12. He was the leader for my little brothers small groups in jr youth (which he loved). Just the time and committment and fun he put into it for that group-sounded like a great time! They acutally had a sleepover this last weekend-I mean really how many grade 12 guys will give up their fridays to hang out with grade 8 boys for a sleepover? I thought it was awesome!
I will start with the first name that pops into my head-
Mrs. Leah Perez! Leah-not sure if you read this-but if you do-thank you! Although I have only known you for a year (not even) what you have shown me and taught me-words can not describe my thanks! I am still blown away at how you, as a third year-took time to connect with me-a first year-this last year at SBC. Our walks and talks-timmy's runs, quarky moments, serious moments-hugs, smiles, all of it. You taught me to be honest with one another-to open up and share worries and thoughts and concerns. You encouraged me my gifts and challenged me to use them for God. You reminded me of my own dreams and destintations and challenged me to never give up on them. My goal for this next year at school- is too connect with a frist year the way you connected with me Leah. I pray that God will allow that! There are days when Belize is just to far! Leah I miss you like crazy! I hope and pray God has Belize in my near future! Thank you so much for everything!

Shelby Rose Third! Shelbs-life was so boring before I met you over a year a go at good ol Holsby! Since then we have gotten to know each other and its been a blast! It feels like I have known you my entire life! Through emails and this past time we spent in ontario and sweden last year-you have challenged me. You have been open and honest with me in your struggles and questions and I thank you for that! Shelbs I see a lot of myself in you in the area of those questions-I too have and continue to struggle with those! Keep looking heavenly and pressing on friend and to quote our good friend Johnny B "See ya at the wedding!"

Lisa Klassen! Oh lisa lisa lisa-when we first met back in grade 7 like I said-you totally intimidated me! Here I thought you were another "brat" and would join the group of "cool" people, but you didnt. I am so glad I got to know you through Ball and become friends! You have been a blessing in my life! My prayer sis! Our talks about God and life have been priceless. You continue to share thoughts and experiences with me and dreams and I thank you for that. I know life isnt always easy, but hang in there! God will use you to do awesome things! I am enjoying working withyou this summer! Always great to see a happy face at work (even when its tough!) Keep on praying friend! Love ya lots

Carleen, Allison, Little Landis and Char! Going into your dorm room at school, always invovled some sort of adventure! Char-I loved our talks and time spent together! Keep your spunk and joy for life! Alli-GO BOMBERS GO! hehehehe-my die hard sask. roughriders fan! What are we to do with you?! jk. Your honesty with me and willinglyness to share-thank you so much! I am eagerly anticipating what next year will bring! Little Landis-always a smile on your face! you challenge me girl-you challenge me to be me-thank you for that. Heres to a great year next year! Carleen! ROOMIE TO BE! I cant wait! We are gonna have a great year! Its been awesome getting to know you! Our love of travel will take us places! Italy sounds great!

Olivia-coffee sometime k? We shared struggles together and there were times when I knew you knew exactually how I felt! Thanks for being someone I could talk to! Really appreciate it! Keep on being you! Hang in there and if you are around steinbach at all next year-come visit! Miss ya

Niki McCorkindale (just so people know I am refering to another niki!) Lets take the dogs out again sometime k? Thank you so much for being someone to confide in! Your honesty about not knowing answers to questions I have given you-at the time annoyed me, but now I am so thank ful for-it showed me I dont need to know everything in life! It is a continuing process-we are always learning! You are an amazing women of God and are doing super awesome things with our youth here in town! KEep up the awesome work! Praying for ya!

Kelsey and Jayne-when I think of Ontario- along with other things- I think of how the weekend was "all about Jayne" and the crazy car rides from Kelsey! You guys challenged me to be me-no matter who I am with or where I am! I am glad you got to see me at a different level. Thank you for everyting

Becca! oh becca! I miss you! I too, saw a lot of myself in you. I feel I could relate to you. We both had our bubbles but we also both managed to invaded each others and become really good friends! I will totally miss you in dorm next year! You HAVE to come visit! Keep being you and remember no ring till you are 20! hehehehe!

Erin-Oh erin-what about you! You have helped me out so much-i dont know where to start! God is and will continue to use you! Keep on letting him! Thanks for being the person I could turn to regarding my inital worries about school, but also thank you for forcing me to get out and make my own connections and not allowing you to be someone I could fall back on if all else failed-I credit a lot of this last year to you for that reason! You are totally in your comfort role as head CGL next year! Keep it up! (though I take not reponsibilty if I cause trouble hehehehe! It was carleen, not me!)


That is just a small list of people-there are so many more- My goal for this next year at SBC and even for camp-is to become a mentor for those around me. To hopefully influence others the way these people have influence me. I can not do it alone. But with God and prayer I can!
Have a great night and a great week!

I don't understand...

So short story...one thing I do not get...ok so there are many things, but here is one thing that I dont think I will ever understand-really-what is the point of getting drunk?
Theres one person who I work with at work, that I know will be very tring yet come the rest of the summer, and has been already... But back to the original question. Last week this idividual was talking about this one party going on at a local club in winnipeg-this person would NOT stop talkingabout it all week-there were a few people who were having parties there-so whatever yesterday I asked her how it was- and she said "good-as far as I can remember..." ok so keep that in mind, then today this person shows up more tired then usual and I asked her about last night (there was a slow pitch game going on and they sometimes play) anyways turns out a few of them went to someone's house and sat in their hot tub outside till 1AM-with a few drinks and all. First my question is-why-if you are gonna do it anyways-would you on a monday night especially when yo know work is busy and you are working the next day? I just dont get it. So this individual was complaining all day about how sore they were and tired etc etc Like really-if any one should be tired- it should be me-working 10hours a day etc-but anyways it was just so annoying listening all day to that and everything...how am I suppose to last all summer if I have that sort of attitude around me for a fair chunk of the day? I know we are suppose to love our neighbours-we are called to, but why is it that peopel we know and went to school with (this person is close to my age)harder to love and get along with then total complete strangers? I dont know...its just a thought- in the mean time..you could pray for me about this individual...thanks

food, rain, sunsets and rainbows!

Just a few pictures from friday night hanging out with SBC friends! DIdnt take a lot of pictures but here are a few! REally good time!

Blogspots.

Here are a few blogspots from friends that I follow-often really good insight, prayer requests or pictures! Just for interest sake
http://www.daughterofchrist85.blogspot.com/
http://mccorkindale.blogspot.com/
http://thinkingandmusings.blogspot.com/
http://alexandereport.blogspot.com/
http://summeradventures2008.blogspot.com/
http://janineandrea.blogspot.com/

Yah so check those out! If I forgot someone-let me know!

NuMb

I was listening to my Ipod on my way to work this AM (at 6:55 AM I might add! Crazy earlier) anyways, the song Numb came on by Linkin Park. THis is a song I have heard over and over, but for some reason, the words just seemed to click now...perhaps explain partially what I am feeling. Check it out and note comments at the end

"Numb"

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I should add that not all the lyrics describe it, but some, such as the ones that are bolded, do. The first line, about being faithless-really stuck out. Now let me explain this a it-its not that I am losing my faith-cause I am not- but the whole idea that just cause I go to Bible school-I have it all together and life is great and all-but really, its a lot tougher then most people think. Who am I? Who are you? Who do we want to be in this world that calls us to put on masks and not be ourselves, to instead confirm to the world and its standards. WHen really, who are we to set standards? God has set the standards for living-read it its called the Bible-right now, i'll admit, I have been slacking on my bible reading and devo time, and am still working through Psalms...but I am still learning, still growing. Last night I had an amazing discussion with a good friend of mine-just listening and talking through problems with her, it was awesome-God is still at work, he still is reaching people and being Who He is!

Masks

One thing I have been struggling with lately are masks- not the kind that you physically put over your face like at olden day parties or dress up but the kind that other people dont see, but that you know are there. Why have I been struggling with this? this post kind of goes hand in hand with the post titled "Who am I"- who am I? Does it depend who I am around? Co-workers? family? Friends? WHich set of friends? I feel at times that I am putting on the mask of what people expect of me, depending who I am with. I am not sure if you get what I am saying, but I KNOW other people struggle with this as well. I am trying to figure out not necessary with who, but where I feel most like me and honestly...I am not sure. Work is so much a routine that yah I feel like a robot (well not always, but somedays), home too is a routine-nothing that exciting (which is just fine). I hung out with friends which I grew up with today in the city-it was good for what it was (wedding shower) but I've said it before and will say it again-we are all at such different spots in life (not necessarily a bad thing and in some cases, its a good thing), but it makes connecting and realiting to each other a lot harder then I initally thought it would be out of high school. again I am blown away at how quickly people can change. Again Ontario was amazing May Long-but that too its an experince that I find really hard to explain because no one else here knows those people or the things that we experience together both in Sweden and Ontario-which is great in sense that its our own special connection-but its hard knowing how to act becuase that is the only area of life in which we know each other. Then THere is SBC-we basically spent 8 months together-growing,laughing, learning, struggling all together- I think just for that reason-I am the most my self there. Just becuase we are around each other 24/7. Though it did take me a while to open up and become myself as well (which I think is normal)
THis doesnt apply to to just different friends, but family as well. Gatherings and all. Its like there is some sort of expectations perhaps? I am not sure
The question is which mask will i put on today?
WHen it should be; How can I work at breaking down those masks when All I really want is to just to be me always?

Pondering a thought

One thing that I have come to enjoy is just sitting back and watching the people around me. This evening was no different. I was at my brothers Junior high spring concert and just walking out, listening to other peoples conversations around me (in a non creepy type way). A group of girls were talking about flats (shoes) and the arches they have-this short cameo converstation put a ponder of a thought in my head. When do we start caring about the things around us and realize how huge the world is? I think back to a year a go where I was...June 5 2007 I flew home after my stint in Europe. I left in March having no idea what to expect, and came home still now knowing where the next section in life would take me, but I came home different-changed even. I can never fully described what happended inside of me while I was in Europe. I gained so much-new expereinces, new knowledge both bibilically and just in life, new understanding and appreciation for old things, new culture and an appreciation for my own,new faces and friends (Who I still treasure dearly).
THere is so much knowledge out there waiting to grasped and learned. I wonder where those girls will be a few years down the road. Will they settle for the life they have here in Altona, Manitoba, or even Canada? Or will the do something phenomenal in todays world? Find a cure? solve the issue of world hunger? Or even things that appear to have smaller effects, but are just as important-help improve the local community, change someones life, say the right thing that needs to be said? I think of the people who have affect my life (waaaaaaaaaay to many to name but I hope you know who you are!) and I dont know where I would be without their love and support.
I wonder where life will take me in a few years. Where will I end up? What will I be doing? I of course, have my hopes and dreams, but again those are mine, not God's. My job is to listen and Obey him.

So thats just a little thought for the day/evening-Take it for what its worth.
It made me pause in my tracks and think