Holiday from God

So the following is copied off something I sent to a good friend of mine from college...figured it sort of spoke to what I was/am going to write about anyways

Honestly-God and I are ok. Not really a low and not really a 'high' so to speak. Reading my bible daily is/has been harder again (not sure why cause when I DO read it, its awesome and i can feel the fire growing-so why I dont keep reading- I am not sure..devos always have been hard for me to maintain daily). I know God is still alive and moving, but lately-I've been asked some tougher questions by those around me (good questions) but they got me wondering. I have lots to pray for-but I fear my prayer life is drying up (which is scary for me as its something I have/do rely on.) I am finding that I am having to "remind myself" to focus and pray but I am also re learning that prayer and worshiping God comes in lots of different forms as well.



So with my title "Holiday from God"-it is NOT like I have called it "quits" on God..cause I've been close to that in the past and well, lets just say-never again will I be that close...


I once heard a sermon about taking a 'vacation from God'-the pastor's main point was that summer is a change of routine..there is little (if any) routine in most people's lives (cause its summer) BUT what he did say tho was, to take a 'vacation' from God, isnt good.  That too often, we do just that-put "God on hold" for the summer. 


I feel that perhaps-this is whats happening to me.  I dont want it to.  I need to/have to fight harder to draw close to GOd.  To seek HIS face. To pray more. To worship more. To read more. 


So if you can-pray. Pray that I will not fall away further from God, but that I will draw to Him.  Pray for yourself too-that you may feel and experience God in a new way this summer.  I KNOW God is very much alive and moving as even today, I saw/heard evidence of this, this evening.  Right now-its thundering and lightening like crazy out there...that in itself, is a testimony to the power of my God!


Holiday from God? I am crazy.  I am totally and completely lost without Him.  This is one holiday that I do NOT want to be on.

"Argh" moment with God

Honestly-God and I, we have our moments.  Its all about having a relationship with Him right? And relationships are not perfect, so why should my relationship with God, be any different? (I mean, other than the fact that HE created ME in HIS image...*stops and ponders that thought*)

If I could talk to God "face to face" here is how I see/feel my side of the conversation would be right about now....

"Ok God, what the heck.  You KNOW I do not like Hospitals.  Yes yes I know you gifted people with the gift of healing and medicine and well hospitals come with that territory, but really I am SO SICK of visiting my grandma, and my grandpa-one from each of the family-in there! Like what the heck. I know I know-You are God and I am not (thank goodness!).  But how am I suppose to respond when I am there, visiting them-when another older lady comes up to me (a patient there as well) and begins speakign to me in low german but switches to english when you realizes I have no idea what she is talking about and then she goes on to say "I dont know where I am or why I am here".  Or when I am told of a young boy-battling cancer a few rooms down..a kid who should be out playing hockey with friends, learning in school and fighting with siblings instead of lying there sick. How do I (if its possible) mend the tension in the extended family because of all of this hospital stuff going on? How do I tell my mom "it will be ok" when really, I have no freaking clue.  what do I say to my grandma when she asks me why is she still here-when all her friends are rejoicing along side you right now? How am I suppose to respond when all she wants-is to just go HOME to be with you?  What am I suppose to feel when I walk out and see the stars and moon shining bright-a very visible sign to me that you are indeed, right next to me-holding me and holding out Your hand to me with the look in Your eyes asking me to trust You.  How am I suppose to act or feel. Part of me just wants to give up. Yet a greater part of me just wants to hold on tighter and tighter and never let go.  God I know  the amazing things and wonders you have done throughout the bible.  You sent YOUR SON to DIE for me.  How DARE i even question Your amazing love for me.  I have NO RIGHT to.  God you are the same God now, as you were when you heard Moses' cries of deliverance for the Israelites, or sara and abraham's cry for a child when they were old.  You stuck beside David-a Shepard boy-as he defeated Goliath and went on to rule.  You were there with Job as everythign was taken from him yet he still praised you through it all.  Your hand was upon mary as she learned of the child she was carrying.  You were with Christ as He hung on the cross.  YOU WERE THERE through it all.  And I know, despite me being angry with You and despite me having my "moments" with you-that YOU ARE HERE NOW. 

Through it-I will praise you O my LORD.  Use these hands for Your Glory.  Work through me to touch the lives that you put in my life.

God I may not get everything and it may/will take me a while to catch on-but I am learning. I am learning from the Creator who is totally and 100% completely in control. Praise God for that!

Spring Break

Well, I am officially on my spring break! woot woot! though I am on break, I got a lot of work to do this week..well namely one major paper...13-15 pages...on Jeremiah 33...any good thoughts on it which I could use in my paper?  I dont even know where to begin with that! It is a fourth year level course at school...crazy..but yeah it should be good but I just have no motivation to do it..hmmm...pray for me that it works to get it done this week...cause homewokr wise, that is my plan for this week...Other than that, the plan this week is to hang out with a number of friends and family and all...should be good, but I am tired already...also pray that it will be refreshing and somewhat rejuvenating!

also, random question well not so random..but a question to get you tihnking....

"How do you go about loving someone who is just so hard to love and somedays, it seems next to impossible?"

• start with "like" and move to love?
• or are 'like' and 'love' different?
• can one love from afar?
• is it a daily choice?

Local VS. Cross Cultural Missions

There is that age old debate about where to "do" missions. I have been challenged/asked the question/ before that in order to be able to "go abroad" and "Do" missions-What AM I doing HERE at home? In my own "Backyard"? "WHy do I think I need to go overseas to do missions, when the world is coming to me? (SO to speak...) These are all really good, legitamate questions and I myself have wrestled with them before as well. The debate has gone back and forth in myhead lots of times. Do I have a 100% right answer? No I do not, but is there a right answer anyways??? Anyways, with that, here are just a few thoughts to the question about going overseas VS. staying at home (practicum, travel etc everything aside...here is what I have learned

I have totally seen the need for missions here at home in MB and Canada...I have been a part of numerous different youth mission trips/volunteer time etc and the time has been

SO rewarding and I have learned SO much. Mission eXposure North is a latest one that sticks out...(see post on in from January). ICYA-having family involved with that, as well as first year mission X in the Inner City, and volunteering my time for a year there as well..all VERY eye opening and rewarding/hard-but I do not (at this point) feel called to those area.

Cliche sounding? perhaps-but its also 100% truthful. I have done some overseas traveling-never missions-but I have had a taste for what cross culture missions would be llike as to being immeresd in a new culture and having to get to know the local people and all and I love it. Again-the argument could be thrown at me that, "UP north and in the city are two totally different cultures as well" This is true-they totally are-no denying that-but they are still "too North Americanized" Even up North-the kids on a remote reserve-were walking around with the latest technology and all of that. SO different culture yes, but in a sense, not really..

THrough different classes here at school-I have also realized that it is the international opportunities that "fire me up". As my missions prof puts it, it is "how I am wired" God gave me these passions, interest and desires. My prof has 20+ years of missionary experience both in Mexico and NIcargua and he said that there are days that he craves to head back...but yet teaching gets him wired now...passing on that experience and knowledge to us students. Through classes and chatting and assignments, he has too seen my passions for missions abroad. While some are called to stay at home and work in the Inner city, others ARE called to go over seas cause there is so much work out there as well. God gave us different passions for different reasons, just like He made each and everyone of us Unique in HIS image. What is ultimately important, is that we follow HIS calling, HIS voice.

I am not saying that my future is set, that I am hard core focused on becoming a life long missionary overseas...though leaving the option oopen...what I am saying is that no matter where I end up in life-missions will always be around-at home or overseas. The opportunity is endless..when ever you are around people-you have the opportunity to "do" missions. I know what I'd like to do someday...that is hook up with an organization like MCC, or MDS or any other one, and take their "promo" photo pictures. To get down to the people in the gutters, where most people fear to go and capture the beauty that is there. To capture God's image (HIS people) in the gutters and ghettos of large cities. To get it on film, bring it back to the local church and through the pictures, show people the beauty that is there, and to make peopel here go "WOW..." and get them excited for missions (either abroad or here at home) through those pictures....How awesome would that be??!

That would get me excited!!

I've Been Told...

I've Been Told...

I've Been told that 2 comes after 1 and 1+1 is 2.

As a young Kid I was told that once you grow up-you wanna been small again...
THough some days, this is very true, other days I wish I were older....Well still some days I just want time to stop cause I am having too much fun (I guess this is where the contentness comes in)

I've Been told that Life doesnt get easier as you get older, in fact some say harder...though this maybe true, I think life is what you make of it/how you deal with things which occur in your life.

I've been told that maintaining friendships (especially distant relationships) is difficult and require more work- This too, I have come is find is true, however personally I find it easier keeping in contact with friends who are farther away physically, then friends who live near by (this may have to do with a few other factors which I do not care to go into now)

I've Been told that the 3-4th weeks of camp (if you do all summer) are the most difficult. This I will take their word for as I have never experienced a full summer of camp (those which have, is this true?)

I've been told that the second year of school (any sschool potentially, but in my case, second year at SBC) is the most difficult. With that point, it will lead me into a short entry which may have a part two (if I rememember...)

REasons which apparently second year is hardest is because (hopefully) after a stellar first year, you come back sort of expecting it to be the same as when you left, but you forget that the third years are gone and there is a new batch of first years. Buildings change (which will be a case this year with the dorms) so that will be different. New routine of classes. Familiar, old faces, yet faces that may look different then they did four months a go.
I stoked cause a fairly good portion of my class is heading back for year two, however 4 months have passed, things happend, people change, we learn we grow...it will be interesting to see how we have/havent changed. We, as a class, step more into a leadership role of leading the first years (and to some degree the third years) we MIss those who are not back (whether they graduated earlier or are on some other path)
I know for myself, I am excited to return, to catch up. But at the same time, little nervous. I miss last years third years already and the dynamics they brought as a class. How have my friends changed? how have I changed? I know its only 4 months, but still that can be a long, drastic time for some...
Just a few thoughts...

Hej

4 more sleeps till Holsby reunion! Woot Woot! I am so stoked I can not wait! It will be a party:D:D
So I have been at work for a full week now. Lets just say that it should be an interesting summer. Let me define that. Interesting in the sake that it is already insanely busy which means that it will get even more busy come later in the summer. Lots of overtime, but that also means those hours need to be out in as well and sometimes already, its been hard so yah strength will be much needed. However I am already enjoyin my ride to work in the AM, listening to music and just enjoying the coolnest of the morning (heres hoping it doesnt rain tomorrow like its suppose to!!)
Anyways, each summer, dynmanics at work changes do to the people who are hired on, and this summer might have its challenges with a few, but I did ask God too lead me this summer so then maybe this is why.

One thing that has been hard already is just being satisfied with what I am doing this summer. I look around and know of a lot of people do international missions/camp all summer and this and athat, and yah I am a little jealous. Dont get me wrong I am super pumped about camp for two weeks in July, but yah other then that, I am just working. I am already making plans for next summer...dont think that is a good thing, becuase lots of things can change, and I am forgetting the here and now.

But back to the reunion in a few days. I am so stoked for that! It will be so good to see friends from Europe again and just to personally reconnect in personal versus over the internet. That said, it will also be really hard insense that that is another group of friends that I will have to say good bye to after a few days. I really dont like saying bye!!!

Anyways, that is just a little update from here! Hope things are well and hope you are enjoying your summer!

Spiritual Gifts

so this last week our lecturer talked on spiritual gifts and also on the church doctrine. GOing in I thought oh great, same things I always hear but acutally it was really good. I learnt a lot this week and I also think a lot of practical things. We talked alot on spiritual gifts and all and took a few "tests" to see what our gifts or passions where. I came out sort of with what i was expecting. kids are a passion, kids to youth age. Give me anything with that age group and yah good times. My spiritual gifts, as according to the test include Intercession (prayer), Faith and Mercy, those were the top 3. My personal style was half way between structured and unstructerd and then a bit more people person versus tasks and all. It was interesting and we went through now at the end what we all learnt from it or one thing that we really picked up out of the course. Lots of people want to head home now and get involved in their own churches. I think that that is so awesome. I for sure want to get more involoved in mine as well and yah continue with youth work and helping out where i can. One thing that we also talked about were elders and deacons and the roles they play. Personally when ever they would get talked about in church i would tone out, as to me it was just a list of names, now that i know what the bible says about theem, the respect is so much more They really do have a big job. Something else i also found interesting was that the bible never mentions a pastoral position so to speak just elders and deacons so did we make that up ourselves over time? Another thing that sort of jumped out is not only the qualifications of elders and deacons, but the fact that if there isnt someoen with a passion to lead a certain area, such as say adult SS or 3-5 years olds or someting, you would be better off calling it off verus throwing someone int ehre who doesnt want to be in there. The lecturer gave a few examples of when that happend and how that part was meaningless and fell apart. He then also gave a few examples on churches that did call somethings off, one callin off Sunday school, and how when someonew ith a passion for it started it back up it thrived and is still thriving. Interesting thought. So yah, thats my tid bit for the week. lLet me know what you think, leave a post, email or something and then aslo think about your spiritual gifts and passions and ask, Are you using them the way GOd wants you to? Think about it

Fear

This was one of the songs that I was listening today at work. Usually I just skip over it, why I am not sure but I do, anyways So fear. What does that mean to you? A scary movie? Being home alone? what else? I have thought about this before, in terms of biblical "fear" and all. The fear paul must had have stepping out into the water, or David approaching the giant. What about my fear? The part about stepping out of my comfort zone, I can relate to that fear. That is one of the reason for my little adventure coming up.
I wonder what was going through Paul and David;s mind when they came across those challenges? What a conversation it will be to have with them! Although I have never failed at travling (cause I have never traveld like I am about to), I have failed at other things though, we all have somewhere or another in life.I love the part in the song about "soaring on wings of eagles". What a great sight, or picture that gives!
I am hoping and praying that I will be able to soar on eagles wings during my trip. Anyways read the lyrics, let them speak to you, challenge you or just make you think! Enjoy
Oh,what I would do

To have the kind of faith it takes

To climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

Into the realm of the unknown

Where Jesus is,

And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me time and time again

"Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win, you'll never win."

Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes

To stand before a giant with just a sling and stone

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armour

Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me time and time again

"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the stone was just the right size to take the giant down

And the waves don't seem so high when
I'm standing on top of them looking down

And I'd soar with the wings of eagles

if I could just ignore the sound

Of the waves and the giants, the waves and the giants in my mind

Lord, you've not given me a spirit of fear

But of power and of love,and of a sound mind

So from now on, I won't let the tempter's lies turn my eyes away from the prize

That you have set before me.

That you have set before me.

Oh, on a side note totally unrelated-I am cutting my hair, any idea for styles etc etc? let me know. I want something quick and easy

Changes

39 days to go! Yeah I am on the countdown! Its coming, slowly, but coming none the less. So today, I helped in my dads sunday school class, and the topic was change. It was a lesson based out of Matthew, when Jesus first called Matthew the tax collector to leave everything follow, and thats what he did. So thinking, what or how do I need to change to be a better servent of God? What do I need to surrender? Well my trip for starters, but that aside, in my everyday, normal, comfortable life? Perhaps that is the problem, its too comfortable. I am not looking for anything dramatic to happen, cause chances are it wouldnt be something good, but I dont something. Even to have a conversation with someone who can really stretch me, or make me think "outside the box". I look back to where I was spiritually before Christmas, I was in A spiritually low point, but now I am glad I had it, becuase it made me think, it made me question things that otherwise I perhaps wouldnt have questioned. It helped me define who and what I believe in and so now come travels, I think if someone would ask me why i Believe in God, I would have a firm answer, where as before, it might have been something as simple as "Cause that is what I was brought up with", not really an answer at all.

But going back to Matthew the tax collector, towards the end of the story when Jesus is eating with matthew, the pharisess question, "When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, 'Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and "sinners"?' On hearing this, Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners'" (matthew 10: 9-13)

So my question is the part that I have bolded, what does that mean? He desires mercy, not sacrifice.. Yah, I really dont know how to explain it, so if you have any ideas that would help, leave a comment and let me know and maybe I can figure it out better.
So the post was kind of random, but yah, that is what was on my mind!
Have a good week!