God IS Good (2015 in review)

Early 2015 Family Photo

It is hard to believe that, in a few short weeks, 2015 will be only a memory and a new year will be upon us.  Often, it is this time of year where people pause and reflect back over the past 350+ days.  As I stop and think about 2015, I realize that there is not one word that can describe it as it has been a whirlwind year full of emotions and adventures, locally and afar.  

Here are just a few highlights and photos that made my 2015 a year to remember!

Love my Prov TESOL girls!!

2015 began with the winter semester (January-April) back of Providence University College.  2014 fall semester had passed and the initial ‘fear’ of making new friends and re-learning how to write essays had passed.  I now knew what I was doing and had a goal set in mind.  The semester was not without its struggles though.  My second practicum required 20 hours of in class teaching, which meant constant lesson planning on top of the daily assignments and university life.  Along with that, I knew I would have to "put together" an international practicum as well for the near future in order to complete my TESOL B.A.  February, less than a month into second semester, I realized God already had put a motion into play through one simply phone call.  Ironically enough, I was sitting in the library at Prov working on a group project and waiting for class to start, when my phone buzzed.  After a whirlwind conversation, I realized I was offered a short term teaching position at Grace Academy in Zambia starting as early as May 1.  The stunned looked on my face must have said more than I realized as my classmates asked what had just happened and if I was okay.  Words escaped me as I fumbled along, trying to explain the conversation that just took place.  In my heart, I instantly knew what my answer would be (yes!) but I also knew that I would especially need God's wisdom, strength and guidance for the new 'battle' that was yet to come.

Always an adventure with this group!

Now, along with being a full time student and planning for Africa, I continued to commute home every Wednesday to be a part of local youth ministry.  In fall 2014, I was given the task of welcoming a brand new group of grade 9 girls to senior youth, through becoming their youth leader.  When youth started up again in 2015, my role didn’t change.  Although there were challenges that came with being a student living on campus and really only being around for Wednesday evenings and on weekends, I found myself quickly being drawn to this group.  Though the sheer size of the group (15:1 at the time) was intimidating (and overwhelming) at points, I knew the passion God had placed within me for this specific group.  I recall earlier this year, during a small group discussion after a weekly youth bible study, looking at the faces before me and feeling an incredible power within the room.  Despite things going on, I knew that God had incredible plans for each and every one of the lives before me and I was honoured that He was allowing me a small part in His journey with them.  However, I was not anticipating having to 'leave' them at all and so, when I was offered to go back to Africa for 3 months, it is their faces that came to my mind.  I knew that leaving family/friends, fundraising and finishing up the semester assignments and exams would be the 'easy' part; but having to 'step back' for the final 6 weeks of youth, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  I also knew I'd be missing many coffee opportunities and an opportunity to serve alongside a youth team in Mexico this past summer as well.  It was through this that I realized I would be getting a very quick lesson/reminder in trusting God and 'handing' them over to Him' in a whole different way. 

TESOL 2015 Certificate Grads!

The end of April came quicker than it ever had before.  Exams passed (some better than others) and I soon found myself at the TESOL certificate ceremony.  What a crazy school year it was, but I was so thankful for my incredible profs who had shared their knowledge, stories and wisdom with us students.  God also gave me some pretty amazing friends through TESOL, with shared hearts and passions for missions and for language.

From the time college ended to the time I found myself on a  jet plane heading for Zambia, was less than two weeks.
 Those 14 days were quickly filled between last minute packing (both for my trip and my stuff in my apartment), family/friend time, and last minute coffee's/walks with youth.  I flew out early morning on April 30 from Winnipeg, after a short night and very emotional evening the night prior.  My mom and my aunt saw me off at the airport and as I sat on my first flight over to Toronto, I could finally allow the realization of what was happening, to sink it.  What a wonderful feeling it was! I was on my way back to Africa! Back to a place that changed my life.  Although I didn't know the struggle that laid ahead, I was soaking in the fact that I would be gone long enough to actually be able to establish deeper/more meaningful relationships with the kids there, that I couldn't do during my 2 week visits, twice prior.

Zambia at last!

36 hours, 2 major connections, one 'touch down', 7 movies, and one too many airplane food meals later hours later; my feet finally hit the soil of 'MY Africa' on May 1 and, before I knew it, I was about to enter through the gates of Seeds of Hope.

I waited 3 years to get a hand photo with
this particular hand!!

Words cannot describe the emotion running through my body. Although there was still a 'unknown' about exactly what I would be doing (outside of teaching English), I was beyond stoked to simply be back.  Upon throwing my stuff inside the house, I ventured out to find 'my kids', eagerly anticipating the looks on their faces when they saw me.  One word comes to mind...PRICELESS.  One by one, as the kids realized I was 'back', the expressions on their faces got bigger and brighter.  For the first time in over 2.5 years, and many countries in between, my heart finally felt at 'home'.

May-July FLEW by.  Too much happened to include on this particular blog (check earlier posts from my time in Zambia) but God was definitely present in everything. From teaching English, to building upon previously established friendships and making new friends along the way, God's fingerprints were ever so evident along the way.  I quickly came to adore/love my 10 grade 10's in my English class and I eventually came to even like the grade 5 class I helped in.  Through the death of a month old 'dump baby' and the rescue/take in of a 15 month old baby boy; I came to understand the writer of Ecclesiastes when he talked about there being a 'time to mourn' and a time to 'rejoice' (read about this journey HERE). I learned what it meant to be in constant prayer, when I felt utterly helpless to help those back at home.  I realized that prayer truly is the only thing you can do, regardless of if your there in person or not, in any situation.  I was able pour into the lives before me and, in turn, God used them to speak incredible truth back into me.  He used their lives, to renew and restore mine.  He used their love and joy, to heal hurts within me that I did not even know I was holding onto.  He used them, to help make me a better person.

Once again, God also put the right Musungo's (Bemba for 'white people') in my life.
Although we were complete strangers at first, from day one Alexa was a HUGE blessing.  She helped to keep me sane and I quickly realized that God had given each of us, a very similar heart and passion for the kids at Grace.  Very quickly, she became a sister to me.  Thank you Alexa, for your friendship and the continual encouragement.  Prior to this trip, I truly thought that my time with Africa had come to an 'end' and I had spent a good chunk of 2014, learning struggling to accept that fact.  I thought I had to 'let it go' but this trip further confirmed the special part Zambia (especially the people) will ALWAYS have in my life and heart.

Upon coming home, many hours were spent
walking around this park, catching up on life!!

Due to visa issues, I had to leave 2 weeks earlier than planned.  As hard as this was for me to accept, I knew God had a reason for it.  July 27 came all to quickly and with it, hundreds of good-byes.  As I stepped onto that little plane that would take me away from Ndola and a place called Grace, a whole different wave of emotions hit me.  Already my heart felt incomplete and lost.  I was leaving my 'home' but more importantly, I was leaving my family behind.  It hurt. It hurt so very much that words cannot explain.
On the flip side of that hurt, was incredible joy within my heart for the anticipation of reconnecting with those God placed in my life in Canada. I was stoked to see 'my girls' once again and I found a renewed fire within me, for them.  I knew the lessons God taught me through the Grace kids and I could only hope and pray that their love, would shine through me as 'year two' with my same group was about to begin.  3 months was a long time.  When I left for Africa, they were still in grade 9 but I knew that, by the time I would get home, they would be a few short weeks away from entering grade 10.  The adventure with them, has not stopped.

I've learned I don't have to travel far to
find international community!

Along with simply having to adjust to life back in Canada, I also knew I would have to find a job pretty quick.  I did not even know where to begin but I knew God brought me back for a reason when he did and I just had to trust Him on that.  This past month marked 4 months at my job, a job that I now know God brought me specifically home early for.  Ironically enough, the day I was originally scheduled to leave Africa, was the day I got the phone call offering me the job.  Had I not come home when I did, I would have completely missed this opportunity.  Once again, God proved his faithfulness and His Goodness.  I can still say that I LOVE my job and the people with whom I work with/for.  Monday mornings no longer bother me (like they did at my job previously) and I don't mind waking up each morning knowing the job I am off too (unlike my last job which I did not like and it was a struggle to motivate myself to go too).  God is GOOD!

September (and Youth kickoff) came and went and it felt so good to be back with my girls again.  I loved having the chance to see them multiple times in the week, something that I did not have the year earlier simply being in school.  It is hard to believe that, at the time of writing, we are on Christmas break as it feels as though we just started this youth year.  Already, it has been an on-going adventure.  I now have a co-leader who I know God has placed very specifically alongside me and the girls and she continues to be a huge blessing.  Already this youth year, our yearly camp Arnes youth retreat weekend has passed, along with two specific small group evenings, many bible studies, fun evenings and service nights.  The 'battles' remain and there are some that are harder to 'fight' than others, but through it God truly is God and I am excited for the journey He continues to take them on.  In Africa, it was easy to see living miracles before me each and everyday and I questioned why I never saw them that clearly here at home in Altona...needless to say, I no longer question it.  I see miracles everyday, every-time I spend time with one of the girls God has placed before me.  Yes, their stories are all different than those I heard in Africa, but the power is just as present.  The witness to WHO God is, just as powerful and I am so thankful that my eyes have been opened to this in a brand new way.  God continues to be a God who redeems and restores no matter the situation.

Youth 2015 KICKOFF!

Camp Arnes Youth retreat 2015

Highlights from the weekend

Yep we are awesome like this! 

 The season of Fall, also brought about a set of family challenges that no one saw coming.  Through a change of events, we got word that my uncle had a rare disease called Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (click link for more detail on it).  Basically this disease was/is a death sentence as there is no cure and no treatment for it and once you contract it, you have about a year to live maximum.  It is so rare that only 1 in a million people have it which means that out of 35 million people in Canada, there are only 35 Canadians who have it.  In hindsight, we now realize the symptoms my uncle had earlier this year (when we 'passed it off' as 'depression'), was early signs of what was really going on.  By the time it was officially diagnosed, we did not realize that my uncle was on his last 2.5 months of life.  To give you some perspective of how quickly things went down, I got home from Africa at the end of July and my uncle was still up and walking/talking on his own.  He died Nov. 5 and we buried him November 12/2015.  Despite the fact we knew, short of a miracle, he would die, his death still hit the family extremely hard.  I recall a conversation I had with my aunt (his wife) as I walked with her home from the hospital one evening.  We were talking at the frailness of life and in her questioning of what was happening/going to happen, she made a statement/ asked a question that I continue to wrestle with to this day.  "Here I am, fighting for my spouses life and yet young people are so quick to 'give up' theirs.  How do I make sense of this all?"  November 12, I stood before a full congregation of people who showed up in support of my aunt, my cousins and my family as a whole.  A church FULL of people who had been touched in one way, shape or form, by the life of one man...Uncle Jerry, you are so very loved.  You are incredibly missed.  Save a spot for me in Heaven.

Christmas 2015 has now passed and as I wrap up this blog, all I can do is give God the glory for pulling me through another year.  It was a crazy year of many adventures, emotions, 'letting go', friendships, heartaches and intense healing and forgiveness.  If 2015 taught me anything, it is this.  God is Good.  No matter the situation.  God is Good.  His LOVE truly endures forever.

When death comes knocking (Eternal Glory) Pt. 2

 ‘I am sorry for your loss but his death is a blessing in disguise.’  

“Are you stupid? I KNOW it was a blessing but right now that is the last thing I want to hear.  Don’t you get it? I knew it would be LONG before you even heard he was sick! Don’t you think I have wrestled with that more times than you can count? Do not even DARE tell me that.  You have no right what so ever.  If I hear that statement one more time, regardless who says it, I am going to flip out and it is not going to be good.”

To cover up the stunned look of disbelief on my face, I quickly found myself politely saying, “Thank you” and doing what I could to end that conversation right then and there instead of saying what was really on my mind.  Welcome to the majority of the way in which conversations started for me this past week.

To say it was an easy week, would be a straight up lie.  In reality, it was one of the hardest weeks that I have had in a long time and I found myself wrestling with the fact that I did not know what to do about it.  Just over a week ago, we buried my uncle.     

A few weeks earlier, during a youth small group discussion on waiting on God, the question was raised, “What if we are waiting for something bad to happen?”  THAT is a good question.  I found myself stumbling for words so instead of even attempting to ‘sugar coat’ it, I was completely honest with the grade 10’s before me.  I shared that I was ‘waiting’ for a funeral.  That, short of a miracle, the entire family knew without a doubt a funeral was in our near future.  Needless to say, this got the groups attention very quickly and I knew that they could see the turmoil upon my face and within my heart.

Death is hard.  Death is very hard.  It is something that I don’t think any one of us will truly ever understand.  On one hand, we lose those we love and the thought of never seeing them again on earth scares us.  On the other hand our ‘goal’, as Jesus followers, IS to be WITH HIM in Eternal Glory (aka Heaven).  A physical death is truly the only way to experience life fullest with Him.

The morning of my uncle’s funeral, I was asked if I would be able to read his obituary.  I’ve done a lot of things in my life but reading my uncle’s obituary was never on my ‘bucket list’, or any list for that matter.  However when my aunt asked me if I could, I instantly replied “I’d be honoured too”.  The burial itself was small and it took place before the service.  Only family and close friends in attendance.  However, I know I’ll never be able to get the look on the grandkids face, out of my mind.  Combine that visual, with the sound of the dirt hitting the casket as my cousin took the first shovel of dirt to cover his dad’s grave, and I knew that my eyes would be in a constant state of ‘wet’ for the day.  Ironically enough, that morning also happened to be the first snow fall of the season as large flakes were falling from the Heavens.  

We arrived at the church and I quickly realized that talking to people was the last thing I wanted to do in that moment.  I found my seat and starred up at the slide show before me.  Before I knew it, time came to share the obituary.  As I started to speak, I could feel my body shaking and my knees feeling like they wanted to give way.  No I wasn’t nervous of the 400+ people before me, I’ve spoken in front of large crowds before.  It was the reality of what I was doing, the reality of the situation before me, that suddenly ‘hit me like a ton of bricks’.  What struck me the most, was the impact one man had on the many lives before me and I found myself asking, “What do I want to be remembered for?  What sort of impact am I having right here, right now?  What am I doing to further the Kingdom of God right here and now?” All I know is that God heard my earlier pleads for steady words.  

If I learned anything through this specific journey, it is that life is so fragile. However, the ripple effect that one life has, has the ability to rock this world locally and abroad.  Life is so precious and it is not something to be taken for granted for. In the end, we will be with Him in Eternity but the time we are given on earth is important.  Jesus came to bring us life and He wants us to live it to fullest.

When Death Come Knocking (Eternal Glory)

There comes a point in one’s life, where we all have no choice but to face death.  It is simply a ‘normal’ part of life.  We are born as babies who grow into toddlers, kids, pre-teens, teens, young adults and, eventually (hopefully) we mature into adults.  For the majority of us, our lives will end sometime during our ‘senior’ years.

But what happens when “death comes knocking” way too early in life?  Miscarriages, still born, cancer, ‘freak’ accidents, and incurable diseases (HIV/AIDS) to name a few, and those we love are ‘taken’ from us before we are ready to let them go?

We (I) are (am) quick to question God.  Quick to ask, ‘where is He?’ ‘Doesn’t He love us?’ and ‘how could He allow this to happen’.  Or, one that I have been asking (saying to) myself a lot lately is, “I though God was/is a God of miracles…this would have been a ‘prime time’ to have shown that.  Way to ‘miss’ this chance God”.

Although there is a freedom in knowing it is ‘okay’ to ask…it doesn’t take the hurt/pain away from losing a loved one…whether they were with us for a few minutes or many many years.  There is never enough time.  Eventually, we all will ‘run out of time’.  

Morbid?? Perhaps.

Reality….absolutely.

Recently, I have been forced to deal with two people who have died, in my opinion, way too early in life.  Although these two people are from two very different sides of my heart…one a blood relative and one not, they are both a part of my family and saying ‘Good-bye’ is never easy.  Although the words, “At least they are in a better place, alive and well” are meant to be a form of an encouragement, they are not.  It hurts and it flat out sucks.  I have also yet to come up with an answer to the question, “How are things going?”  My default answer, “considering the shitty situation at hand, not ‘bad’”.

I am well aware that death is a topic that makes many people (including myself) uncomfortable simply because we do not know how to respond or act to death itself.  Reality also is, that life goes on.  The living are still living and the mundane of everyday life, continues.  Where do we find the balance of mourning the loss of a loved one, yet rejoicing in the life that they DID live…regardless of the number of years they were given here on earth.

Isn’t it interesting how scripture speaks to our hearts in that exact moment in which we need it?  Even though it may be from a passage in which we have read thousands times before?  Psalm 139 is a Psalm that I love and have read countless number of times. Yet recently, when I was reading it to my small group of girls at youth, verse 16-18 struck me in a way that it never has prior.  

It reads…

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you”.

Life is a gift.  It is meant to be treasured and fought for.  What we do with the time we are given here on earth, is so important.  It’s not about having the newest, hottest ‘toy’ or having the biggest house.  It is about the relationships we have with those around us.  More importantly, it is about our relationship with God and trusting Him, to work through our lives and IN everything that we do no matter the situation we may be facing. 

At the end of my life, whatever day that was ordained for me in His book, all I crave, is to see the face of my Maker before me and to hear Him say,

“Welcome to Eternal Glory.  Well done, good and faithful servant.  Welcome Home”.