God IS Good (2015 in review)

Early 2015 Family Photo

It is hard to believe that, in a few short weeks, 2015 will be only a memory and a new year will be upon us.  Often, it is this time of year where people pause and reflect back over the past 350+ days.  As I stop and think about 2015, I realize that there is not one word that can describe it as it has been a whirlwind year full of emotions and adventures, locally and afar.  

Here are just a few highlights and photos that made my 2015 a year to remember!

Love my Prov TESOL girls!!

2015 began with the winter semester (January-April) back of Providence University College.  2014 fall semester had passed and the initial ‘fear’ of making new friends and re-learning how to write essays had passed.  I now knew what I was doing and had a goal set in mind.  The semester was not without its struggles though.  My second practicum required 20 hours of in class teaching, which meant constant lesson planning on top of the daily assignments and university life.  Along with that, I knew I would have to "put together" an international practicum as well for the near future in order to complete my TESOL B.A.  February, less than a month into second semester, I realized God already had put a motion into play through one simply phone call.  Ironically enough, I was sitting in the library at Prov working on a group project and waiting for class to start, when my phone buzzed.  After a whirlwind conversation, I realized I was offered a short term teaching position at Grace Academy in Zambia starting as early as May 1.  The stunned looked on my face must have said more than I realized as my classmates asked what had just happened and if I was okay.  Words escaped me as I fumbled along, trying to explain the conversation that just took place.  In my heart, I instantly knew what my answer would be (yes!) but I also knew that I would especially need God's wisdom, strength and guidance for the new 'battle' that was yet to come.

Always an adventure with this group!

Now, along with being a full time student and planning for Africa, I continued to commute home every Wednesday to be a part of local youth ministry.  In fall 2014, I was given the task of welcoming a brand new group of grade 9 girls to senior youth, through becoming their youth leader.  When youth started up again in 2015, my role didn’t change.  Although there were challenges that came with being a student living on campus and really only being around for Wednesday evenings and on weekends, I found myself quickly being drawn to this group.  Though the sheer size of the group (15:1 at the time) was intimidating (and overwhelming) at points, I knew the passion God had placed within me for this specific group.  I recall earlier this year, during a small group discussion after a weekly youth bible study, looking at the faces before me and feeling an incredible power within the room.  Despite things going on, I knew that God had incredible plans for each and every one of the lives before me and I was honoured that He was allowing me a small part in His journey with them.  However, I was not anticipating having to 'leave' them at all and so, when I was offered to go back to Africa for 3 months, it is their faces that came to my mind.  I knew that leaving family/friends, fundraising and finishing up the semester assignments and exams would be the 'easy' part; but having to 'step back' for the final 6 weeks of youth, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  I also knew I'd be missing many coffee opportunities and an opportunity to serve alongside a youth team in Mexico this past summer as well.  It was through this that I realized I would be getting a very quick lesson/reminder in trusting God and 'handing' them over to Him' in a whole different way. 

TESOL 2015 Certificate Grads!

The end of April came quicker than it ever had before.  Exams passed (some better than others) and I soon found myself at the TESOL certificate ceremony.  What a crazy school year it was, but I was so thankful for my incredible profs who had shared their knowledge, stories and wisdom with us students.  God also gave me some pretty amazing friends through TESOL, with shared hearts and passions for missions and for language.

From the time college ended to the time I found myself on a  jet plane heading for Zambia, was less than two weeks.
 Those 14 days were quickly filled between last minute packing (both for my trip and my stuff in my apartment), family/friend time, and last minute coffee's/walks with youth.  I flew out early morning on April 30 from Winnipeg, after a short night and very emotional evening the night prior.  My mom and my aunt saw me off at the airport and as I sat on my first flight over to Toronto, I could finally allow the realization of what was happening, to sink it.  What a wonderful feeling it was! I was on my way back to Africa! Back to a place that changed my life.  Although I didn't know the struggle that laid ahead, I was soaking in the fact that I would be gone long enough to actually be able to establish deeper/more meaningful relationships with the kids there, that I couldn't do during my 2 week visits, twice prior.

Zambia at last!

36 hours, 2 major connections, one 'touch down', 7 movies, and one too many airplane food meals later hours later; my feet finally hit the soil of 'MY Africa' on May 1 and, before I knew it, I was about to enter through the gates of Seeds of Hope.

I waited 3 years to get a hand photo with
this particular hand!!

Words cannot describe the emotion running through my body. Although there was still a 'unknown' about exactly what I would be doing (outside of teaching English), I was beyond stoked to simply be back.  Upon throwing my stuff inside the house, I ventured out to find 'my kids', eagerly anticipating the looks on their faces when they saw me.  One word comes to mind...PRICELESS.  One by one, as the kids realized I was 'back', the expressions on their faces got bigger and brighter.  For the first time in over 2.5 years, and many countries in between, my heart finally felt at 'home'.

May-July FLEW by.  Too much happened to include on this particular blog (check earlier posts from my time in Zambia) but God was definitely present in everything. From teaching English, to building upon previously established friendships and making new friends along the way, God's fingerprints were ever so evident along the way.  I quickly came to adore/love my 10 grade 10's in my English class and I eventually came to even like the grade 5 class I helped in.  Through the death of a month old 'dump baby' and the rescue/take in of a 15 month old baby boy; I came to understand the writer of Ecclesiastes when he talked about there being a 'time to mourn' and a time to 'rejoice' (read about this journey HERE). I learned what it meant to be in constant prayer, when I felt utterly helpless to help those back at home.  I realized that prayer truly is the only thing you can do, regardless of if your there in person or not, in any situation.  I was able pour into the lives before me and, in turn, God used them to speak incredible truth back into me.  He used their lives, to renew and restore mine.  He used their love and joy, to heal hurts within me that I did not even know I was holding onto.  He used them, to help make me a better person.

Once again, God also put the right Musungo's (Bemba for 'white people') in my life.
Although we were complete strangers at first, from day one Alexa was a HUGE blessing.  She helped to keep me sane and I quickly realized that God had given each of us, a very similar heart and passion for the kids at Grace.  Very quickly, she became a sister to me.  Thank you Alexa, for your friendship and the continual encouragement.  Prior to this trip, I truly thought that my time with Africa had come to an 'end' and I had spent a good chunk of 2014, learning struggling to accept that fact.  I thought I had to 'let it go' but this trip further confirmed the special part Zambia (especially the people) will ALWAYS have in my life and heart.

Upon coming home, many hours were spent
walking around this park, catching up on life!!

Due to visa issues, I had to leave 2 weeks earlier than planned.  As hard as this was for me to accept, I knew God had a reason for it.  July 27 came all to quickly and with it, hundreds of good-byes.  As I stepped onto that little plane that would take me away from Ndola and a place called Grace, a whole different wave of emotions hit me.  Already my heart felt incomplete and lost.  I was leaving my 'home' but more importantly, I was leaving my family behind.  It hurt. It hurt so very much that words cannot explain.
On the flip side of that hurt, was incredible joy within my heart for the anticipation of reconnecting with those God placed in my life in Canada. I was stoked to see 'my girls' once again and I found a renewed fire within me, for them.  I knew the lessons God taught me through the Grace kids and I could only hope and pray that their love, would shine through me as 'year two' with my same group was about to begin.  3 months was a long time.  When I left for Africa, they were still in grade 9 but I knew that, by the time I would get home, they would be a few short weeks away from entering grade 10.  The adventure with them, has not stopped.

I've learned I don't have to travel far to
find international community!

Along with simply having to adjust to life back in Canada, I also knew I would have to find a job pretty quick.  I did not even know where to begin but I knew God brought me back for a reason when he did and I just had to trust Him on that.  This past month marked 4 months at my job, a job that I now know God brought me specifically home early for.  Ironically enough, the day I was originally scheduled to leave Africa, was the day I got the phone call offering me the job.  Had I not come home when I did, I would have completely missed this opportunity.  Once again, God proved his faithfulness and His Goodness.  I can still say that I LOVE my job and the people with whom I work with/for.  Monday mornings no longer bother me (like they did at my job previously) and I don't mind waking up each morning knowing the job I am off too (unlike my last job which I did not like and it was a struggle to motivate myself to go too).  God is GOOD!

September (and Youth kickoff) came and went and it felt so good to be back with my girls again.  I loved having the chance to see them multiple times in the week, something that I did not have the year earlier simply being in school.  It is hard to believe that, at the time of writing, we are on Christmas break as it feels as though we just started this youth year.  Already, it has been an on-going adventure.  I now have a co-leader who I know God has placed very specifically alongside me and the girls and she continues to be a huge blessing.  Already this youth year, our yearly camp Arnes youth retreat weekend has passed, along with two specific small group evenings, many bible studies, fun evenings and service nights.  The 'battles' remain and there are some that are harder to 'fight' than others, but through it God truly is God and I am excited for the journey He continues to take them on.  In Africa, it was easy to see living miracles before me each and everyday and I questioned why I never saw them that clearly here at home in Altona...needless to say, I no longer question it.  I see miracles everyday, every-time I spend time with one of the girls God has placed before me.  Yes, their stories are all different than those I heard in Africa, but the power is just as present.  The witness to WHO God is, just as powerful and I am so thankful that my eyes have been opened to this in a brand new way.  God continues to be a God who redeems and restores no matter the situation.

Youth 2015 KICKOFF!

Camp Arnes Youth retreat 2015

Highlights from the weekend

Yep we are awesome like this! 

 The season of Fall, also brought about a set of family challenges that no one saw coming.  Through a change of events, we got word that my uncle had a rare disease called Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (click link for more detail on it).  Basically this disease was/is a death sentence as there is no cure and no treatment for it and once you contract it, you have about a year to live maximum.  It is so rare that only 1 in a million people have it which means that out of 35 million people in Canada, there are only 35 Canadians who have it.  In hindsight, we now realize the symptoms my uncle had earlier this year (when we 'passed it off' as 'depression'), was early signs of what was really going on.  By the time it was officially diagnosed, we did not realize that my uncle was on his last 2.5 months of life.  To give you some perspective of how quickly things went down, I got home from Africa at the end of July and my uncle was still up and walking/talking on his own.  He died Nov. 5 and we buried him November 12/2015.  Despite the fact we knew, short of a miracle, he would die, his death still hit the family extremely hard.  I recall a conversation I had with my aunt (his wife) as I walked with her home from the hospital one evening.  We were talking at the frailness of life and in her questioning of what was happening/going to happen, she made a statement/ asked a question that I continue to wrestle with to this day.  "Here I am, fighting for my spouses life and yet young people are so quick to 'give up' theirs.  How do I make sense of this all?"  November 12, I stood before a full congregation of people who showed up in support of my aunt, my cousins and my family as a whole.  A church FULL of people who had been touched in one way, shape or form, by the life of one man...Uncle Jerry, you are so very loved.  You are incredibly missed.  Save a spot for me in Heaven.

Christmas 2015 has now passed and as I wrap up this blog, all I can do is give God the glory for pulling me through another year.  It was a crazy year of many adventures, emotions, 'letting go', friendships, heartaches and intense healing and forgiveness.  If 2015 taught me anything, it is this.  God is Good.  No matter the situation.  God is Good.  His LOVE truly endures forever.

Life with Jesus is NEVER Boring...here's why!

Yesterday marked 6 months of being home from the World Race.  6 months.  It feels like ‘yesterday’ that my squad and I was stepping off that plane in Chicago.  With anticipation and eagerness, we still had one more security and customs to clear before we were back in the arms of loved ones.  6 months, yet the feelings and emotions tied with it, are still fresh in my mind and on my heart.  Feelings of joy, of pure happiness and the sense of ‘Whew I actually made it through…” as the realization was only just beginning to unfold of what we had just truly accomplished.  

Today, I am 9 days, 6 classes, one take home exam and 3 in class exams, away from being done my first semester back in University College- an idea that was NOT in my plans 6 months ago as I embraced my mom in a hug for the first time in just under a year.

Who ever said being a Christian was ‘boring’?  Can I just smack (out of love of course) that person silly?!? It is anything BUT boring!! Seriously.  

From Holding the hand of my
favourite child in Swaziland...

I thought that, when I got home, life would go back to ‘normal’ (whatever that looked like).  I quickly learned that just because I was officially ‘off’ the race, did not mean I was ‘off the race’.  World Race, yes.  The race/journey of life?  NEVER.  Oh how I wish I knew, what I know now, when I stepped off that plane.  Actually, truth is, I probably would have gotten right back on that plane and headed to a destination unknown.  THAT was familiar, the last 6 months have NOT been familiar.  What? Nikki that doesn’t even make sense.  Your at home.  In a place, a climate, a language, a country that you KNOW! How is that NOT familiar?  Yes, that is a conversation I had in my head.  The answer? I was (am) wrecked.  God wrecked me for the Nations, for the unknown and the journey of walking on foreign soil.  Life back at home, in my mind, was ‘boring’. 

...To holding the small hand of my
brand new nephew
for the first time

Needless to say, life the last 3 months, has been anything BUT boring.  Without going into too much detail, I have seen (and felt) the Holy Spirit move in ways in which I never did on the race.  I have seen God bring healing- in my own life, and in the lives of those around me, in a way I didn’t on the race.  Although I miss holding orphan’s hands, and hugging widows daily, there is nothing truly greater in this world, than holding your own nephew as he falls asleep in your arms and seeing your grandma’s face light up, because of a simple ice cream cone that you brought her.   

Truth is, I miss the freedom that the youth had to lead worship and dance, in the Philippines, yet it is so good to back in my own youth group.  Reconnecting with ‘my girls’ (and seeing them graduate) from the year previous, and seeing the current grade 11/12 group on a more mature level-has been a joy words cannot describe (so proud of you all!).  It has been a gift I was waiting for since I LEFT for the race.

A new journey in youth, has been getting to know those that God has now placed within my life to love, lead and (hopefully) ‘be Jesus’ too…an awesome group of 10-12 grade 9 girls.
  I am so very excited to now join in on the journey God is taking them each on through this phase of their life.  I am praying I can be a small light, in their journey’s. I missed simply being able to serve (and love) the way God has called me too, the way He has equipped me to, and to NOT be challenged/corrected on it.  What a freedom!!!!!!!

I miss my two best pals from the race and the physical distance between us, drives me crazy every day.  Yet their constant texts, reminds me daily that I am loved and missed (despite the “Canadian jokes” that happen daily as well! Love you guys!)  

However, reconnecting with my friends here at home, has been an incredible blessing I cannot even begin to describe.  I am loving spending time with one of my best friends and her kids.  Hearing the kids call out “Nikki”, or in the case of the 3 year old, “Micky”, warms my heart every time.  Spending time with their mom (my friend) is always an encouragement and a continual blessing to me on so many levels.  Working alongside her in youth ministry, has definitely been an added bonus.  I love serving with people who truly love to serve.

School itself, were do I start?! I LOVE the international community here at Prov. Again, the world is literally at my door!  What a blessing! TESOL itself, incredible and I cannot wait to get out and use it in this world! Thank you LORD, for leading me here!

Needless to say, it has been a crazy last 6 months.  The first semester is nearly over, with the second one starting in just over a month. 6 months from now, who knows where I will be! It will be summer, and although I hope to be on my practicum overseas somewhere, I KNOW that the journey that lies ahead, will continue to be an adventure of a life time!

After all, to quote a good (East) Indian/Cambodian friend of mine, “life with Jesus, is NEVER boring!!”

Finding "Me"

This weekend, will mark 3 months upon returning from the World Race. Within those 3 months, I have experienced every emotion possible (and then some).  Re-entry is seriously NO JOKE.  Name an emotion and, chances are, I have experienced it. Seriously…culture shock…who knew?

The ‘Honey moon’ stage of being home, quickly ended and my heart yearned for the days of ministry on the race.  It missed the strangers that quickly became friends and, even quicker, became my family for 11 months. They “got” me.  They knew where I was coming from and they knew of the struggles I faced while on the race.  They were also well aware, of the similar struggles we had since being home.

Truth be told, I was angry. I was hurt, lost and I felt completely alone.  I KNEW KNOW who I am on “the missions field”, but I struggled with finding out just, ‘who I am now’ at home.  Back in life where a “9-5 job’ is ‘normal.  Where we drive on the right side of the road and where people actually use laundry machines to wash their clothes (instead of by hand that I was so used to doing).  As complex as it was at times, life on the race was ‘simple’.  I wanted people to ‘get’ me like they once did. Yet I wrestled inwardly because, how were they, supposed to ‘get’ me when I MYSELF was still trying to figure stuff out? It wasn’t fair to them and it certainly wasn’t fair to me.

As you may know, my original plans upon returning home, literally got thrown out the window with one email. All of a sudden, I was jobless, school-less and had 3 full months to ‘kill’ and to figure out the next step in life.  I felt as though I had just finished high school and was once again in that, “now what?” stage of life.

God works in interesting ways though. Even here at home.  As I was wrestling in my own self doubt and lack of confidence, I could feel God telling me to, “REST.” “REST Nikki. REST IN ME.  MY plans for YOU are great. You trusted me while overseas…but that trust doesn’t stop now that you are ‘home’.  In fact, your ‘battle’ is only starting, but you KNOW I AM WITH YOU. So rest.”

So I did. 

I spent time with friends, family, youth and simply learning to be ‘me’ again.  I allowed myself to sleep in and to stay in my PJ’s all day without feeling bad.  I watched more NCIS than I care to admit and I realized that I really would be ‘okay’ as God did not forget about me.

This past month, has been one of the BEST months since being home.  God has totally brought things ‘full circle’ and continues to break my heart for what breaks His right here.  I was able to be a part of my youth mission’s team to a small Metis community for a week of VBS and ministry.  I was going ‘home’.  Back to the start of where God began to truly stir my heart for missions.  The week FLEW by and I so wasn’t ready to leave.  I LOVED seeing my youth, ‘in action’ serving the kids, playing with them, teaching stories, and singing songs.  Watching them encourage, build up and support one another…is a moment I know I won’t be forgetting. God is raising up leaders among our youth people and I’ve never been prouder to be a part of something so great happening here at home.  Hearing their God stories. Taking risks and telling things as they were, blessed, encouraged and strengthened us as a whole.  The thought of, “if ONLY church was truly like this…” crossed my mind a number of times.  God didn’t speak that week in a roaring fire, or mighty Wind.  He spoke through HIS people. His chosen, holy, yet broken, young people.   

And boy, did I listen. 

Yet God still wasn’t done.  He knew I craved World Race community and brought me back to the place where THAT all began…LONG before I even knew I would someday go on my own race with a crazy group of radicals.  He brought me back to TMBC, a camp I worked at one summer 6 years ago for two weeks.  He brought me back to the directors who spoke an incredible Truth into my life and, in doing so, stirred my heart once again for youth and youth ministry.  The stories I heard while at camp, simply said…wrecked me. My co cabin leader and I, had the BEST group of 14-19 year olds possible for a cabin at camp.  Our evening “5 minute” devotionals quickly became an hour long discussion on everything and anything.  Mornings rolled around all to quickly, but God always provided strength that was needed for the day.

At the end of the week at our Friday night campfire, God humbled me time and time

again through the stories and testimonies of what happened that week.  Lives were literally changed (and saved) in a span of a week.  One of the girls stood up and flat out admitted to wanting to come to camp to commit suicide, yet God grabbed hold of her heart and soon, she accepted Jesus into her own life as her personal Saviour.  Another girl stood up and talked about how she didn’t know where she would be sleeping once camp was done, but she trusted Jesus to provide a bed for her.  

Faith. Incredible. Deep rooted. Faith.

Faith that I thought was ‘lost’ upon landing back in North America.  Faith that I thought was only possible overseas and in cultures that are not my own.  Yet here it was.  Shining through the lives of campers during a high school week of camp.

As I step into becoming a student and going back to university in a few short days…I don’t know what lies ahead.  Truth is, I am scared. If I could, I’d rather hop on a plane to take me away to a place unknown. Yet I know, God has called me here.  Right now, He has called me to a season of schooling.  The next chapter within a life that is simply trying to follow after her Creator.