Dear Cambodia (a message from my heart)

Dear Cambodia

You’ve wrecked me.  I left your soil just over 2.5 years ago, yet my heart remains broken for you.  My feet yearns for the day that they will walk upon your land once again.  My eyes cannot wait to look upon the beautiful faces of your people. My soul is restless, begging me to return to you and share with you, the hope in which you have renewed in me.  I’ll be honest- I never thought I would fall in love with you in the way that I have.  Truth be told, at the time I thought you were ‘just another country’ in South East Asia.  A country in which I had to spend time in before returning to the red soils of Africa.

Isn’t that how God works though? Revealing Himself to us in ways we sometimes least expect it?  Ironic isn’t it? That you, Cambodia, were the one country in which I spent 2 months in?

Cambodia, I miss walking among your streets; taking in the many sites and smells.  I miss buying fresh pineapple for 10 cents from local vendors and walking among the rice fields.  As the rain hits the ground outside my home here in Canada, I recall sitting beneath the shadows of palm trees, sipping fresh coconut milk while enjoying the company of the local people.  Oh the lengths I’d go for a roadside smoothies consisting of dragon fruit/pineapple and apples and to taste a deep friend banana for breakfast once again.  Playing hide n seek among a Buddhist temple (opps!) and even hearing off tune karaoke…praying that it would end, now becomes a moment in which I yearn for.  Waking up early, reviewing the English lesson for the morning and then finishing up the day with worship, songs and testimonies from local Khmer university students, renewed my soul in a powerful way.  Time spent with my Phnom Penh Cambodian contacts, turned family, at “Beautiful Feet” dorm, are precious precious moments that I will forever be grateful for.  Words cannot express how they changed the course of my life in 3 short weeks.  To Ango, Asui and Kaka…thank you.  From the bottom of my heart, with everything that I got, thank you so very much.  Your friendship, your mentorship, means the world to me.   

Is this all Ironic? Coincidence? Perhaps a ‘freak thing’ that the one country that I had to spend two months in, is the one country in which I yearn to return to the most?

Or is it a part of God’s continual plan to break my heart for what breaks His? 

Cambodia through you, God began to begin to stir a passion deep within me, not only for a foreign land and its people, but a future career as well. Yes Cambodia, it is because of those two months of teaching English to your people, that God revealed another calling within my life, to me. A calling that came full circle in just over a year, when God led me back to Zambia to teach English.  February 18, 2014 while I was in the middle of my second month teaching English to local Cambodian university students, I journal the line, “I want to use my TESOL to be able to go back to Zambia, and teach at Seeds of Hope.”  May 1, 2015 I found myself back at Seeds of Hope at the start of a 3 month term of teaching English.  So Cambodia, today is April 16, 2016 and I cannot help but wonder at what point I will look back upon this entry and realize that it has once again come ‘full circle’.

James 2:14-19 says, “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.  But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”  Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.  You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder."

Cambodia, you are no longer simply a place on the map to check off that I have been too…rather you have become a ‘home away from home’ and one day I will return.  More so, now that I have seen, I know that I am responsible.  I know that my faith also requires action.  I know that it will be a few years yet before I return, but know that God is preparing me during this season of my life to better able to serve HIM among your people and your land.

You have captured my heart, Cambodia, in a very unique way.  You’ve captured my heart in a way that I thought only Zambia would ever hold.  I don’t know when God will lead me back to you, but I am praying and believing that He will…all in His due time.  Until that day; know that I am praying for you.  That God will continue to move through you and your people; to bring darkness into light, bringing about rescue and restoring justice in places of injustice.  Until that day we meet again, I promise I will continue to do all that I can right here and right now, trusting God each and every step of the way.

Cambodia

(* I was not originally going to post this, as I wrote it for a scrapbook that my mom has been putting together for me, of my entire 11 months on the World Race, but I have realized that, in writing this for her...it has served as a good 'tool' for me to continue to 'process' my experience.  I would like to share it with you as well, because sometimes feelings and emotions are easier to explain through words like these*)

Cambodia.  Prior to coming to small South East Asian country, all I knew of it, was the story of a Cambodian that I had to read for a class while at Steinbach Bible College.  The author shared his story of witnessing his family being murdered right before his eyes, before he too, was hacked at by machetes and fell atop of his slain mother and siblings.  This was a time in Cambodian history, where The Khmer Rouge was following orders under their leader, Pol Pot.  At the time of reading this account, “The Khmer Rouge”, “Pol Pot” and “Cambodia” seemed like a far off land.  A land that I would never personally experience within my life time, let alone walk on the grounds of where a complete generation was annihilated simply for having an education.  Not only was I able to spend one month here, but 2 months there as part of the World Race experience  

It was during my time IN Cambodia that God began to really direct me to His calling for my life.  January 2014, I spent teaching English at a rural (private) Christian YWAM base school.  My team and I also spent a few hours a week teaching at a local public school.  We taught the children their 123’s, ABC’s and grammar structure (for the older grades) and we spent hours going over the pronunciation of sounds while repeating rules to them time and time again.  Our rural classrooms were made of bamboo, surrounded by palm trees and rice fields.  The public school was just off a ‘major’ road and they used the grounds of an old Hindu temple, for their school grounds.  During our time teaching the private school kids, we shared Jesus with them through songs, skits and games all in English.

The following month (February) my team and I were re-located to Phenom Phen, the capital city of Cambodia.  This city, was also were the heart of the Khmer Rouge Regime, took place.  Our ‘mission’ for the month was to help kick-start an after school English program for the female and male dorm students.  These students where under the care of a married couple and a sister, who had chosen to give up their life in Northern India, to become missionaries in Cambodia.  It was easy to see their vision and heart were they were.  It was simple quite simple really.  Mentor and disciple the students under their care, while providing access to English lessons to help the students in their own university studies to become bankers, doctors and lawyers. 

While in PP in particular, God really began to speak to my heart specifically with furthering my own education to become an ESL teacher.  Through ‘teaching’, and talking with these students, I began to see (and realize) their push to learn English as a second language.  Their replies were simple, “Teacher, I want to help my family.  I want to help build back my country”. Something so basic as a language, yet powerful enough to convict a generation thus enabling them to change a Nation, was a new ‘revelation’ for me.  I found myself thinking, “I could be a part of this change’, on a daily basis.  God further opened my eyes beyond my English classroom in PP, into a world of culture, custom and the Khmer language itself found on the streets and in the markets.

I did not ‘go into the race’ expecting to ‘come out’ of it with such a direct, personal, career choice.  Instead, my prayers were that, through daily interactions with the people God was to place in my path, that He would lead me and give me a possible direction.  Beyond that, God broke my heart for a part of the world, I never even had any desire to even visit.  He used the young people from the nation of Cambodia, to speak this Truth into my heart and life.  He used missionaries consisting of both local Cambodians, North Americans and especially, the individual stories (and later, combined story) the married couple, to convict me and to truly break my heart in a brand new way.

Teaching English for those two months in Cambodia, changed my life in a way I do not think I will ever fully be able to understand.  It’s a Nation of people that have found its way into a special part of my heart, a part that I thought only the children of Zambia, would ever hold.  Yet, the letters of two simple, blue bolded words, remind me of a different Truth.  A Truth that rung true to me to me that day, and words that have stuck with me since.  BEAUTIFUL FEET.  BEAUTIFUL FEET, a calling upon my life to live different. TO push the boundaries of society’s ‘norms’.  To live, to laugh, to teach, to LOVE.

Truth be told, I do not know if I will end up back in Cambodia for the rest of my life.  I wish I could give a 'for sure' answer, but I cannot.  What I do know is that, God is currently shaping and molding me right here and now, to BE a better teacher regardless of where I end up teaching.  One thing is clear, I am a teacher.  Not only a TESOL 'in training' teacher, but a teacher of life and ultimately, of God's Truth in this world. 

Regardless of where I am in this world, that will not change.

Some of my 'Students' in PP.

Life with Jesus is NEVER Boring...here's why!

Yesterday marked 6 months of being home from the World Race.  6 months.  It feels like ‘yesterday’ that my squad and I was stepping off that plane in Chicago.  With anticipation and eagerness, we still had one more security and customs to clear before we were back in the arms of loved ones.  6 months, yet the feelings and emotions tied with it, are still fresh in my mind and on my heart.  Feelings of joy, of pure happiness and the sense of ‘Whew I actually made it through…” as the realization was only just beginning to unfold of what we had just truly accomplished.  

Today, I am 9 days, 6 classes, one take home exam and 3 in class exams, away from being done my first semester back in University College- an idea that was NOT in my plans 6 months ago as I embraced my mom in a hug for the first time in just under a year.

Who ever said being a Christian was ‘boring’?  Can I just smack (out of love of course) that person silly?!? It is anything BUT boring!! Seriously.  

From Holding the hand of my
favourite child in Swaziland...

I thought that, when I got home, life would go back to ‘normal’ (whatever that looked like).  I quickly learned that just because I was officially ‘off’ the race, did not mean I was ‘off the race’.  World Race, yes.  The race/journey of life?  NEVER.  Oh how I wish I knew, what I know now, when I stepped off that plane.  Actually, truth is, I probably would have gotten right back on that plane and headed to a destination unknown.  THAT was familiar, the last 6 months have NOT been familiar.  What? Nikki that doesn’t even make sense.  Your at home.  In a place, a climate, a language, a country that you KNOW! How is that NOT familiar?  Yes, that is a conversation I had in my head.  The answer? I was (am) wrecked.  God wrecked me for the Nations, for the unknown and the journey of walking on foreign soil.  Life back at home, in my mind, was ‘boring’. 

...To holding the small hand of my
brand new nephew
for the first time

Needless to say, life the last 3 months, has been anything BUT boring.  Without going into too much detail, I have seen (and felt) the Holy Spirit move in ways in which I never did on the race.  I have seen God bring healing- in my own life, and in the lives of those around me, in a way I didn’t on the race.  Although I miss holding orphan’s hands, and hugging widows daily, there is nothing truly greater in this world, than holding your own nephew as he falls asleep in your arms and seeing your grandma’s face light up, because of a simple ice cream cone that you brought her.   

Truth is, I miss the freedom that the youth had to lead worship and dance, in the Philippines, yet it is so good to back in my own youth group.  Reconnecting with ‘my girls’ (and seeing them graduate) from the year previous, and seeing the current grade 11/12 group on a more mature level-has been a joy words cannot describe (so proud of you all!).  It has been a gift I was waiting for since I LEFT for the race.

A new journey in youth, has been getting to know those that God has now placed within my life to love, lead and (hopefully) ‘be Jesus’ too…an awesome group of 10-12 grade 9 girls.
  I am so very excited to now join in on the journey God is taking them each on through this phase of their life.  I am praying I can be a small light, in their journey’s. I missed simply being able to serve (and love) the way God has called me too, the way He has equipped me to, and to NOT be challenged/corrected on it.  What a freedom!!!!!!!

I miss my two best pals from the race and the physical distance between us, drives me crazy every day.  Yet their constant texts, reminds me daily that I am loved and missed (despite the “Canadian jokes” that happen daily as well! Love you guys!)  

However, reconnecting with my friends here at home, has been an incredible blessing I cannot even begin to describe.  I am loving spending time with one of my best friends and her kids.  Hearing the kids call out “Nikki”, or in the case of the 3 year old, “Micky”, warms my heart every time.  Spending time with their mom (my friend) is always an encouragement and a continual blessing to me on so many levels.  Working alongside her in youth ministry, has definitely been an added bonus.  I love serving with people who truly love to serve.

School itself, were do I start?! I LOVE the international community here at Prov. Again, the world is literally at my door!  What a blessing! TESOL itself, incredible and I cannot wait to get out and use it in this world! Thank you LORD, for leading me here!

Needless to say, it has been a crazy last 6 months.  The first semester is nearly over, with the second one starting in just over a month. 6 months from now, who knows where I will be! It will be summer, and although I hope to be on my practicum overseas somewhere, I KNOW that the journey that lies ahead, will continue to be an adventure of a life time!

After all, to quote a good (East) Indian/Cambodian friend of mine, “life with Jesus, is NEVER boring!!”