Lost in Translation

If you were to ask me today, where in the world I am, my response would be, “I am sitting in a room that consists of the 6 other girls on my team.  It is our first Sunday morning here in Drăgănești-Olt, Romania.  The Mission House where we are staying, has come alive with the 4 R squad teams who are currently stationed here for the month.  Trying to find quiet time to simply be with God, journal, reflect and, well, blog-is a struggle living in community.  Quiet time sometimes looks like slipping away (with two other people-cause we all know that on the World Race, you can never truly be 100% alone), by 8:00 in the morning for worship and devotional time with Jesus on a local hilltop.  Other times, it’s resting in a hammock-which you’re borrowing from a teammate with a small kitty that a squad mate has officially adopted for the month. 

This morning, quiet time is consisting of waking up early, spending time eating cereal and time with Jesus in the Word, worship music flowing through the ear buds and ‘zoning out’ the happenings around me as I soak in the love God has continually lavished upon me.

Although we have only been at our ministry site here for 6 days, I have already been blessed, challenged, and encouraged by God, through our contact Raul, his family and the rest of the people involved in the ministries here.  They are a group of Believers who are fighting the Good Fight that God has called ALL Believers too.  After school programs for local gypsy kids, visiting local villages, handing out bibles, administrative work, teaching English, office work, spending mornings in prayer and worship, maintenance around the church, bee keeping/gardening, community garbage pickup, and street evangelism are just a few of the ways that ou(R) squad teams are serving here in the area of Drăgănești-Olt.

For the last few days, street ministry/evangelism is what God has been calling me to do. I will be totally honest, when I found out that that is what I would be doing, I did NOT jump for joy.  Yet, even before it was assigned, I knew in my heart that that is what God was wanting me to do as, once again, I could feel the peace and presence from God.  Each day, two World Racers are paired up with one Romanian Translator.

Let me tell you, the struggle is real

Although I’ve been involved in a wide range of ministries/missions before, these last few days of ‘dipping my feet into the waters’ of Street Evangelism, has been a challenged.  There has been a wide range of responses from the local people.  Times when we have gotten ‘shut down’ even before a word left our mouths, to times when we have been invited into a local’s home and served grapes, apples, bread, a mystery juice (we prayed hard for our immune systems as we sipped it down), and peppers.  There have been times when I have been able to talk to 80 year old ladies (through a translator) about their life and about Jesus. 

I know already, that street ministry form of evangelism is not strong point at all, and there are days that are a struggle as far as motivating myself to do it.  There are times when I have wished that I was doing the kids club and even administrative work.  Yet I know that God is growing me through this time.  I am realizing now, how our time in Serbia, was a time for preparing me now.  It was there, that I learned (as crazy as it may sound) how to pray and walk at the same time.  I have learned the value in it, even though I may not fully always understand it.

So if that means heading out each day for a few hours, getting to know the locals on the streets, I will do it.  If it means eating odd foods and drinking a juice that you have no idea what it is, I will do it (and continue to pray harder for our immune systems!).  If it means hugging a gypsy child while we talk with their mom, I will do it.  If it means simply taking a break and lifting up the people of Romania- I will do it.

One of the crazy awesome things about God, is even though we think that things will get lost in translation (whether literally through our translators, or not) God will speak to the person in the way He wants to speak to them.  Holy Spirit You are welcome here.  Pull us deeper.  Pull us closer.  Set a fire in my soul that I cannot contain, that I cannot control. 

I want more of you God.  

Rise on Eagle wings

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

This is a verse that I have read many times in my life.  More often than not, they are simply ‘words on a page that were written long a go’, but this morning, as I read them, something inside of me ‘clicked’.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth

As I read this this morning, I could feel Him telling me “Nikki, how do you not yet know?  Have I not shown you time and time just who I AM?  Let me tell you again, I AM the LORD everlasting.  I created the ends of the earth and
EVERYTHING in it. Do you not think then, that I wouldn’t take care of it?  Do you now know how much I LOVE you? Have you not heard?”
My response: “OK I have heard, but do you know that I am tired? That, as we began month 2 of ministry here in Serbia, I was feeling weary and weak.  I don’t understand why our team was placed here in a place that didn’t have an ‘official’ ministry for us.  I was used to a daily routine coming off kids camp in Albania. I was (am) missing my youth at home and yearning to be with them during this time of mourning. I don’t understand ‘Why the flip I am here’ when I want to be with them.

He (God) will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

My response:  “But God, I don’t have the strength to not be able to understand this at all. I feel weak and powerless and You know that those are two things that I do not like feeling.

He gives strength to the weary and INCREASES the power of the weak

“Yah, but….”
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;…
“See, we DO grow tired and weary….aanndd…

…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

“Sigh, I get it. I may (will) need a reminder daily.  But for now, I am choosing to hear and to trust, those Words. TO trust YOUR words.
Although my mind is still very much processing what is going on at home, I can honestly say that “The peace of God, which transcends all understanding” (Phil. 4:7) is guarding my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. I have been experiencing a peace in my heart that should not have been there.  A peace I have felt SINCE applying for this specific route over a year ago.
He has been re confirming this peace (and love) simply through the people here.  I cannot express in words how truly blessed I am being right where I am.  Yes I still struggle and yes there are days when I question.  However, at the end of each day, I can say for certain that “I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” and that God WILL renew my strength and help me soar on the wings of eagles.

World Race fear Come to life

5 weeks into the race and one of my greatest fears about being away from home, struck me within the last 24 hours.  The fear was (is) this; having someone either close to me, or close to people I know (and love/care for), die. Yesterday, I got word that a local youth, was killed.
I know that life will go on at home no matter where I am (literally) in this world and I know that that is healthy and normal.  Yet something that I know I will never be able to fully understand, is why people have to die so young.  I know the theology and the Truth that God really DOES work for the GOOD of all those who Believe.  I know that He DOES have it in control and that His ways, I will never be able to fully understand or grasp.  I know that, ultimately, there IS victory and it’s already been won when He said “It is finished”.  I know that.  I really really do…

But, truthfully, right now…I am having a really hard time believing, and trusting, it.

Over the last three years, youth ministry at home, has been a huge part of my life.  God has taught me so much through the youth that I have had the honour of spending time with each and every week.  It has not always been easy, but it has always been a blessing.  It has not always been happy, but it has always been a joy.  In fact, my family was not the ‘hardest thing to give up’ coming on the race (sorry mom!), but it was (is) the youth.
So, how do I respond from thousands miles away, when they ask "why", when I myself, am wrestling with that too?  How do I handle knowing that I cannot physically be there now for them in this time of loss and that it is literally shattering my heart in a way that I can’t explain.  It is also hard being here in Serbia, as we don’t really have an ‘official’ ministry this month.  It looks like it will be what we call an “Ask the Lord” (ATL) month on the race.  This basically means spending a lot of time in the Word, prayer walking and following the Holy Spirits leading.
Cool right?

No.

Not when I know the need back at home and here I sit, feeling somewhat ‘useless’. 

Wait, hold on. 

Remember how I said that God really DOES work for the GOOD of all those who believe?  He has shown me especially in the last 24 hours, that team Warriors of Light, are right where we are here in Serbia for a GREAT purpose.  The local church that we have been able to connect with, has rocked my world in their faith and the way they are in constant prayer.  Our main contact and her daughters truly have been a blessing especially in my life.
God knew I would need time with youth this month and He has blessed me extremely, especially through our contacts two teenage daughters.




They are already sisters to me and the love for them, is unexplainable. Another thing God has been teaching me, is to rely on my team.  To tell them I am struggling and to realize that it is okay.  All they want to do is simply hug me, and love me.  Truly I have been (am blessed to be) a “Warrior of Light” alongside them. Ladies, thank you so much.  You have no idea the impact you all have had on my life the last few days especially.  Thank you for allowing me my space, but also making sure I am okay.  Thank you for your prayers and for wrestling alongside me during this time.
I ask that you continue to pray for the loss at home.  For the family mourning the loss of their daughter and sister.  For her friends, missing their friend.  For the community of Altona, mourning yet another loss, of a young person.  For the youth leaders at home, as they mentor, lead and simply, love the youth now in this moment.  Pray for me, that I will be able to remain focused where I am and to love people harder and deeper here.
     

Pray. Pray. Pray.

3:00 AM devos with God

Compelled. Prayer. Rejoice.  1 Peter.  Dearly Loved

Those were a few of the words that God woke me up with a short while a go.   I cannot explain it but I know God is doing something CRAZY within me. Within my heart.  It is a feeling. It is an emotion.  It is simple truth. God has waken me up in the wee hours of morning before, simply to praise Him.  TO dive into the Word and just simply pray. 

Now, was no different.  As I leaned over the side of my bed to grab my bible- I knew God was about to show me more of who HE is.  He is simply awesome like that. 

1 Peter 3:19  reads

^"After being made alive, he went and made proclamation to the imprisoned spirits—"

Honestly, I am not sure why this specific verse reference was in my head when I woke up and as I flipped to it and read it, I am still wondering. Is God making me 'alive' in a way that I have not been before?  Is He preparing my heart for something great? What sort of power, is He waiting/wanting to perform through me? What sort of healing (either within me or through me) is He going to do?

I know the days leading up to launch are literally less then a month away.  My feelings and emotions are 'all over the map'.  I know the World Race will be (has been) a life changer for me.  Yes I have done mission trips before.  Yes this is NOT the first time I have gone international.  Yet I cannot help but feel that this trip, this specific missions trip to these specific countries, with this particular team and squad of people- will (has) forever change (changed) my life. 

Am I crazy?

Have I 'officially gone off the deep end?'

Yes.

God is alive.  

God is VERY ALIVE.  

HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.  

I do not know what this next year of adventure will look like but I have a feeling that it will involve, heartache, healing, forgiveness, passion, community, truth and love that ONLY comes from Our Father God above.

Laying it all down

I've been home from World Race Training Camp now for 3 full days and I still do not know how to process, or 'sum up' what happened last week.  I know that I am not alone in this-as squad mates are wrestling with it too.

How do I convey to other people-what God has taught/shown me this past week, when I MYSELF am still wrestling/trying to figure it out?

How do I take time to process and just 'be still' when other commitments come up and I literally do not have time to just BE?

How does I wrap my head around the fact that in a few short weeks- the journey to the Nations begin?  A journey that I KNOW God will rock my world in a way it has never been rocked before.

How do I go about saying 'goodbye' to my friends and family here who have supported and encouraged me throughout life and especially, this crazy journey thus far?

How do I leave my youth ministry when I feel as though breakthroughs are finally happening?

How do I truly express to others my fears and concerns for the race without feeling as though I am 'doubting' God?

How do I be as 'strong as I can be' going into this race?

How will I respond to situations/experiences in which I my only response will want to be anger?

How do I look into the eyes of a prostitute and tell her that 'God loves you' when I have absolutely NO CLUE the hell that she has gone through?

How do I put down an orphan child-knowing that the hug I just gave them, maybe the only love that they ever receive this side of Heaven?

How do I bring hope and light into a place filled with darkness and hopelessness??

How do I simply BELIEVE that a healing took place with out being skeptical and trying to 'justify' it?

How do I bring freedom to a person caught in bondage?

How do I love the pimps, when every bone in my body screams to 'tear them apart?'

How do I look into the soul of a African Widow who has endured years of abuse and physical hard work?

How do I look love a young girl caught in the sex trade and has experienced nothing but pain from physical touch?

How do I fight the injustice's in this world-without creating more injustice in itself?

How do I allow myself to be completely broken and humble before God to allow HIM to move, to speak in and through me?

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

Change is a happening...

This seems to be a re occuring thing on this blog..asking for prayer!! I leave for training camp on Thursday morning...still not feeling 100%.  I am doing way better than I was, especially over the weekend so that is a huge blessing...but still not up to par like I wish I was! So prayer for continual healing would be awesome!

Also, my world race family went through some more changes today. Ones that I am quite sad about.  As R squad ladies, we had an email sent out to us earlier about considering to switch to a different squad (still leaving in July) just to help balance numbers and all.  We 'lost' a few then but I think most of us thought that that was it and left it.  Well, late last week-we lost a few more (sad about all that we 'lose' but there was two in this group who switched that I was really bummed about).

Then today, I was asked to call our mobilizer (I came home sick from work to sleep...but instead had to deal with a lot of this for some of the afternoon..) and she asked me if I would be interested in switching.  I told her "thanks but no thanks".  God has given me to much peace already with being apart of R squad and with this route and these group of people.  But she told me to be in prayer and so I was.   I got note on our facebook page, that a good friend, super dear to my heart-switched squads.  She is one of the girls I met while in St. Louis and I love her like a sister.  Seriously-I have never met someone who just 'screams' Jesus when you look at them.  She literally radiates HIM!  letting her 'go' was hard/is hard but after talking with her a bit, I know God is calling her to greater things.  Ou(R) lose, Q's gain is what it is.  This girl, is going to knock down spiritual walls.  She is going to heal and restore the lost and broken in Jesus' name.  She is going to bring HOPE and LOVE to the nations. 

I am sad I won't be right there with her as she does it-but OH SO PROUD of her for stepping out, for trusting God and listening to HIS voice and calling upon her life!

Karah-I love you friend! So excited for what God is going to do in your life on Q squad!  You KNOW I will be a praying for you!!

                                                Still R squad tattoo buddies for life!!!

Leadership

Hey lovely friends!

Hope life is a treating you well! Its so hard to believe that I am down to my last few months (weeks) here at home and in Canada...pretty bitter sweet it is as there are lots of mixed emotions going on inside me right about now!

I am sending this out to ask for prayer. I leave in about 6 days to fly down to Atlanta GA to have a week of Training camp (for the World Race) and to meet my squad etc (not really sure what this week will all consist of). So prayer for peace, and that it would all go good, would be fantastic but specifically for what I am going to mention next-as its something I have wrestled with internally for since I signed up.

One thing, from my understanding of how this all works...is that our squad (consisting of roughly 65 people) will be broken down into teams of 5-7...among those smaller teams...there are still team leaders (people with a few more responsibilities/leadership etc i assume?)

Some of you may know-especially those around me in my college SBC days..will know I often 'declined' or 'shyed away' from leadership roles.  Point it, since I first applied to the race-I have been feeling that perhaps God is pushing/showing/leading me to more of a leadership type role...and that thought alone..scares me. SO, I am told that at Training camp-this gets decided/talked about/approached -from day one-I have fought God on this saying "God, if they ask me..my answer is automatically 'thanks by no thanks'" but now...I am not so sure...

I am not sure yet what i will say IF they approach me (NO idea if they will even...and I maybe mis understanding this all too) but prayers for that would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for now friends!! :)

Heartbeats strong

(a recent post I posted on my WR blog)

Simply put

JESUS (and GOD) is AWESOME

 

This past week, I KNOW God has been enjoying watching my jaw literally, almost "hit the floor' in pure excitement, honour and praise to HIM. 

What is crazy though, is that I have only actually MET 4 fellow ou(R) squad racers IN person. Training camp in Georgia, is only 35 days, when I will have the honour of meeting the rest of ou(R) squad in person. Launch in July itself, is only 78 days away...and I still have SO VERY MUCH to do.

But GOD is still amazing and He CLEARLY reminded me of this detail, time and time again lately.  Ou(R) squad has not even LEFT North America yet, and already the evidence of GOD being ALIVE and moving throughout the team, is so very clear.   From GOD providing a squadmate with $12,000 to be FULLY FUNDED (From a church that was NOT her own...seriously...read Ricci's story here) to God restoring family relationships, to physically healing a busted squadmates wrist (Read Marie's adventure HERE), to bringing in a combined fundraising total of $28, 000 in ONE WEEK...it is very clear that God has hand picked this squad.  Read another sqaudmates praises to HIM here, as she sums it up very well!

Although we have lost squadmates (for a various reasons) recently, God is teaching/showing/reminding me that HIS plans, are FAR Greater than my own.  I may not/will not understand a LOT of what He does-but that will NOT change the fact that He loves ME and YOU no matter what we have done, are doing, or will do.  That is one of the wonderful things about the Grace HE offers.

I had the privilage and honour of meeting up with some friends last night.  One of them was a friend from France (you know, that country in Europe?!), who I had not seen in person, in 4 years.  As we sat and enjoyed coffee and cheesecake, we shared about what we learned in the last few years.  As I was listening to them share, and then sharing myself...I realized that, although the majority of the past 4 years I have spent simply living on my home, working in youth ministry as a leader and working a 9-5 paying job, God has used this 'season' in my life to 'refuel' and 'relite' a fire for Him.  This time at home, in a place that I am very comfortable in, has allowed me to secure my faith and become stronger in what I believe and in what I want others to see and believe.  It has allowed me to really look at 'who I am', as a person, but also as a DAUGHTER OF THE KING.


True, the journey has NOT always been easy these last few years.  My two trips to Zambia where a major time when I 'wrestled' with God, His Character and yes, even His love.  Upon returning from my first trip there, I 'lashed' out at Canadian (North American) culture and the greedy driven, materialistic society that we live in.  I hurt family realtionships in this process...for that I am so very sorry.

As much as a joy and blessing youth ministry has been...I have spent a LOT of time in prayer simply crying out to God for a youth, or a particular situation when I had no idea what to do. I asked myself constantly "How can I get it through to this youth, that she is beautiful and thatGod loves her...no matter what anyone else around her says?"  I questioned the fact of 'why didn't God heal a sick little boy...a grandson of a local pastor in the community...when literally the WHOLE COMMUNITY was praying for him?'  I found myself asking, "what does love truely look like, when fear (and hate) is the only response we can come up with? Can we ever actually attain/understand an Agape love?"

There has been a LOT more...yet through it,
Micah 6:6-8 has spoken volumes into my life

⁶ With what shall I come before the Lord
    and bow down before the exalted God?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
    with calves a year old?
⁷ Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams,
    with ten thousand rivers of olive oil?
Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression,
    the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
⁸ He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God.

Psalm 46 has always been a favourite of mine as well--> as it too, has spoken TRUTH into my life in times of need...and I know it will continue to.

God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
  he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spears
he burns the shields with fire.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.
 

GOD BLESS
GO BLESS

400 and counting

I started this blog back in 2006? Roughly something like that I do believe!
And here it is folks! post #400!!!

Although I have been wanting to/needing to blog over this last week...I just have not.  BUT God IS ALIVE and HE IS MOVING.  This last week, was Crazy with different meetings, coffee/supper dates and appointments, youth, etc etc.  Each evening was filled with something.  All good things, but it was still busy. Yet amidst that craziness, God showed up.  He provided for me in some crazy ways for my WR trip.  From financial donations, to having my malaria pills covered, to just a calming sense of peace that ONLY comes from HIM.  He spoke to me through a friend.  He challenged and encouraged me through her.  I discovered aspects of myself that I was not yet fully aware of.  I am continuing to witness HIM freeing a good friend of mine from a bondage she thought she wouldnt ever escape from.  God has not only given HER joy, but I too, could not stop singing HIS praises.  Guys, GOD IS SO ALIVE AND IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!! Seriously, if I didnt live in the middle of FLAT prairies, I would scream that from the mountain tops! 

That being said, American got hit hard this past week.  Boston Bombings and a fertilizer plant that exploded in West Texas..both places in which I have friends in.  There is a lot of pain, a lot of questions, hurt and anger...yet in it-people are turning to God.  He makes ALL things NEW and works for the GOOD in all those who Believe.

So, I could go on but simply put- despite the junk in our own lives and in the world...GOD IS AWESOME. GOD IS ALIVE. AND GOD IS MOVING in AMAZING WAYS! 

The Wondrous Cross (Tattoo)

With Easter being today, Lent season is officially 'over'-however I can still recall the first sermon that my pastor preached when he started the lent series on 'walking with hurting people' back in February.  He started with at the core of our Christian faith.  No, not the Christmas story, but Jesus death on a cross.  He started with the cross, because that is where it all ended.  No matter what we have done/are doing/will do with the sin of our lives--->God loves us SO Much that HE sent JESUS to DIE a horrible death on the cross, for YOUR sins...for MY sins.  Just because He loves YOU and ME so much and desires to have a relationship with us.  Praise God, the story doesnt end there tho...3 days later-HE AROSE from the GRAVE--fulfilling the prophecies of the Old Testament and ultimately showing His love (and Grace) for every single human being who EVER did, does and WILL walk on this earth. Remember that as you read on...
   
Over the span of the last few days, I have been debating whether or not I should (or need too) post a blog like this.  Given the nature of it, I am not sure yet if I am going to actually post this on my WR blog...but perhaps in a week or two depending on how things go.  Okay, I just re read that last statement and it sounds like I am going to confess some deep, dark sin or something...I hope that you actually read the title of this blog and will have realized by now->that I am talking about a small cross tattoo and that is ALL.  Given the (Mennonite) culture, background and the area that I grew up in, and am currently living in...I feel (know) that when some people (s) hear via grapevine that "Did you hear? Nikki got a tattoo!" there could be/maybe some mixed reactions/thoughts.

 Now, just so we are clear right off the hop-this is NOT (again this is NOT) a post of me 'bashing' my own culture, town, beliefs or community or anything along those lines. I want to make that VERY clear, as I know that when people hear the word "Tattoo" we (myself having been included in the past) often tend to think of something huge, obvious and 'out there' and dare I even say 'evil'.  However, this post is rather me simply sharing and explaining when, why and how come I chose to get a small cross on my right index finger.

As some of you perhaps know, I spent March 22-26 in St. Louis meeting/visiting some World Race friends that I will be traveling with/living with starting in July of this year.  I got my tattoo with them, while I was IN St. Louis hanging out.  Yes, this was the first time we had met (other than skyping) in person.  Now, this may seem like a last minute decision, along with being somewhat of an 'impulse' choice and not really 'thinking it through' however, I can assure you, that this was NOT the case.  For the past few months, I  have honestly been thinking about getting a small cross tattoo somewhere on me-so when friends brought it up last week- at first I was a little hesitant about joining them in getting one (not actually thinking they would honestly follow through with it--little did I know!) As they talked about it, about how God could/would use it as a witnessing tool and as I watched the fire and passion in their eyes for CHRIST (not the tattoo), my decision to get one as well, became a whole lot easier. (seriously, if you were to meet these girls-your life will be changed)

So I did (get the tattoo) and I do not regret it at all.

New friends (and matching tattoo buddies!) that quickly became new sisters

Like I said, I had been thinking about getting a small cross tattoo somewhere on me, for quite a while and given the way certain life events/situations have been playing out in my life lately, along with where I am in my OWN walk with Christ-->the timing to have one done now, seemed to be perfect. 
I love the placement of it-the lower part of my right index finger- because I always see it constantly throughout the day no matter what I am doing.  I see it while I am at work, while I am on the computer, eating, texting, picking things up, turning things etc etc.  We constantly use our hands.  This is a visual, daily, consistent reminder to me, to ALWAYS look towards Jesus.  I have found already, that if I am having a bad.tough day, all I need to do is just simply notice the cross on my finger and I am instantly reminded of just how MUCH God loves me.  He loves me!  He loves YOU.

We got matching Cross Tattoos

As you know as well, in a matter of 3 months I am leaving on an 11 month missions trip around the world-where I will be living out Jesus' call in Matthew 28.  I am beyond stoked (and incredibly blessed) to be doing this with some of the most awesome, amazing, craziest, God loving people that I have ever met.  I also know, that the things that I will be seeing and experiencing, will break me in a way that I do not know yet.  It will humble me to a point of complete and utter brokenness and pain for the world around me.  It will bring me to my knees, crying out to YAHWEH even through silent tears.  It will bring a fulness and a joy that can only come from a pure, God centered love. It will teach me how to be vulnerable-when everything inside of me-screams to 'bottle up' It will lead me to admit it when I do not have a clue as to what is going on or how in the world I should respond.  Through it all, my cross tattoo on my finger will remain and will remind me to meet God at the cross, to realize that HE paid for it all and to allow myself to be picked up and put back together again by HIS love and Grace.

Guys, I know (especially locally) there is a lot of controversy about tattoos/piercings.  I know some people may lose respect/look down on me now because of it...but I challenge to watch the following video and take it to heart what is said before you are quick to judge.

 

I also know I am a youth leader in my local church and that youth have already asked/approached me on it and have wanted to see it.  I will be honest, I will show them.  BUT I will also let them know WHY I got it and explain to them my own personal reason for getting it (a few of which I shared here, along with a few others).  Tattoos are not a 'scary' thing.  In fact, God has already used it to witness 2 days after we got them.  One of the girls had an amazing opportunity to witness for  Christ and to just LOVE people because not only did they see her tattoo (same spot as mine is on the hand) and asked her about it, but they saw something different within her...they saw CHRIST and HIS love. HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!!?!!

Thanks Karah for being a blessing, for being bold, for loving people!  Girl, You have already changed the world even without leaving the States!YEAH Ou(R) squad bringing God's love right here...RIGHT NOW.

I hope this post made somewhat sense.  As always, feel free to ask me questions about my tattoo, or about anything.  Please.  I'd way rather have someone do that-even if we agree to disagree, then spread gossip which I know,  is so so destructive. 

Remember God's command to love?  Let's show love and well, simply love!

In Him,
Nikki

25 years young

I am into my last 18 hours (ish) of being 24...tomorrow is another day and another birthday for me...the BIG 25 Quarter of century (as my younger, 18 year old brother likes to remind me!).

Wow, 25 years young (cause I refuse to say the word 'old'!) and what a crazy 25 years it has been!  I had a fantastic day in the city yesterday with my mom and what a blessing it was!   Pedicures (yes in -25 degress C weather!), Mongo's for lunch, MEC for WR shopping (got lots done and spent a lot of money!! Is it July yet?!), starbucks and a movie to finish off the day! What a blessing and a joy!! here are just a few pictures from our pedicures off my itouch!

mom and I-love her!

In the movie theater

yes I wore sandals...it was AWESOME!

 For real though, one of the best things about 'mother/daughter days', is the car ride in.  Just being able to simply talk for that hour/hour and a half in and then again back home, is something I hope I will never take for granted!  It is something I know already I will miss TONS when I am racing next year on the WR. 

With my birthday around the corner, and with the race right around the next corner-It doesn't happen that often, but there are days/times when I DO compare myself to those around me..especially friends that I grew up.  Friends who have been married for a few years already, with a kid or two or one on the way.  Friends who are planning their weddings or recently got engaged, or buying a house or 'moving on' with life.  I cannot help but think to myself...'why is that not me?' Am I that far behind on life?' What the HECK am I doing with my life?  Questions like that, that I KNOW God has figured out and knows HIS plan for my life...so  God likes to remind me of the things that I HAVE done in my short life of 25 years...and wow what a list/adventure/ride its been!

As I was talking with my mom last night, I realized that yah maybe I dont have a PHD or masters, or a husband, or kids or things like that...things that people really 'push for' in this area...things that are the 'norm' but thats okay with me (And just for the record, this is NOT a post bashing ANY of those things...I realize that God calls us each to our own walk/path in HIS time..so please understand me on that!)

Yes I do have a 3 year BA 'under my belt' through SBC but what is way more, in the last 7 years of being out of high school...I have had the honour of traveling international not once...but 5 times to 4 different, but equally amazing for their own way, places.  Each trip overseas-whether it was for school in Sweden, or my second time back to Seeds of Hope in Zambia, has helped shaped who I AM today.  You do not need a degree to go and love...you just have to be willing to be God's hands and feet and to be broken for Him.  You need to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and take a risk on that person, or child that the world deems as 'untouchable' and 'unloveable' because that is where Christ is.  The people that I have met in my travels--will always hold a very special place in my life.  I know God has placed each one of them in my life, when I needed them the most-even though I may not have known it at the time.  I can honestly say I have brothers and sisters in Christ around the world, lifting me up and prayin for me...now THAT is a humbling experience!

To bring it down to more of a 'local level' my three years at SBC challenge/blessed and encouraged me in a way that I never could have dreamed.  That too, GREATLY shaped who I am today through solid biblical teaching done by amazing professors who love Jesus, to older women in dorm who were willing to take a 'chance' on me by investing their time and energy into me, to classmates, roomates and friends--the list goes on


Basically-here is to 24 amazing, hard, challenging, joyful, stressful, broken, healed, years of living!! Thanks Jesus for each and every one of them.  Thank you for the greatest gift of all...to be called YOUR Child!!!

Love you Jesus!

Who is this Jesus?

When you think of a picture of  Jesus and what He must have looked liked...what comes to mind? Is He white? Black? Brown? Oriental?  Is He tall? Short? Skinny? Fat?  Does He have a beard? Goatee?  Clean Shaven?  What is He doing in your 'image' of Him? What is He wearing? what style of clothes?
Take a moment and think about it--what 'image' of Jesus comes to your mind?

Try 'googling' (yes I used the word 'googling' it on my blog :P) it after and and see what comes up..VERY North American looking am I right?


To be totally honest (as I like to do on this blog)...when I think of what Jesus must have looked like...I get a very 'typical North American' image.  White guy, average height, average build with a long beard and TONS of facial hair.  You know the image..the one we ALL see (at least here in North America) in Sunday School.  He is where a white robe, blue/purple sash...and He is sitting down-a bunch of kids around Him and He has this beautiful smile on His face.

This photo..only in my mind..Jesus would be smiling :)

HELLO REALITY.  This image of Jesus couldn't be more wrong.  Well, the fact that He has kids around Him..probably true as He talked a LOT about having a 'child like faith'  (Matthew 18:2-4 ) and the fact that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to these (children) and those who do not see the Kingdom as a child-will not enter it ((Mark 10:13-16 NASB)

But a "white' Jesus?  umm really North American church? He was a Jew...scripture is quite clear on that  (Matt. 2:1, Micah 5:2) and where He was born/grew up (Luke 2:39-40) ...so it SHOULD click in on what nationality He was born into. Does it make sense yet North American Church?

Again I ask you- WHO IS THIS JESUS?

It is a question that has been on my heart over this last while.  I am not sure where the question came from, or what 'sparked' it, but its something I hope to get a better 'grasp' on in the days/months to come.  With the World Race coming in a mere 4 MONTHS (STOKED!!!!!!!!!!!), I am quite sure that this will be a question that I (we) will be asked on the race-whether its by fellow squad mates (look out R squad- I WILL be asking YOU!), the locals we come into contact with whether that's out in the bush of Africa, to the green hills of Ireland-to the the red light district of Thailand, to the snowy (yes hopefully SNOWY) mountains of Nepal, chances are it may come up.

Perhaps another question is this...HAVE YOU SEEN JESUS?

or maybe they are 'one in the same'....that call-is yours.

When I truly stop, and think about 'who is this Jesus' my mind is taken to those who have positively influenced me in my own walk with Christ-from sunday school teacher, youth leaders, parents, friends, college profs, and especially the kids/people I've met internationally--->I have totally seen aspects of WHO Jesus is.  Through their words.  Through their actions.  Through their LOVE and encouragement.  They have come in ALL shapes, sizes, colour, backgrounds and nationalities-but they have ALL touched my life in their own unique way.  They have allowed me to see the world (and better understand it) in a way that has totally rocked my world.

currently, my mind is back in zambia-especially on a little girl named "Little Nikki" who I only knew for a day this side of Heaven...but I think/know it was a day when I TRULY met Jesus the most-->through this little girl..through this child. I wish I could say I knew what happened to her after she got taken from us...but I dont and chances are I will NEVER know what happened to her.  I can only pray that I WILL see her in Heaven...kneeling at our Creators feet, soaking in HIS love.

Although I only knew her for a day--I saw Jesus in her smile.  In her joy. In her laughter.  In her awe of what was around her. I saw Jesus in her hope of a new day, new adventure and life.

I saw Jesus in her pain.  In her sorrow as she turned around that last time and looked at me with those eyes that are forever burned in my mind.  I saw Jesus in her tears as she tried to compose herself, knowing what was coming.  I saw Jesus in her anger.  I saw Jesus in her hopelessness and complete brokenness.      

The ironic thing that I just realized...is in EVERYONE of those statements... I could replace "her' with "I".  Jesus saw ME in my pain, in MY sorrow, in MY tears, Anger, hopelessness and complete brokenness.  Jesus saw ME in MY smile, my joy, my laughter, awe and HOPE.

How AMAZING is that?!?!? Jesus not only SEES little Nikki right now where she is, but He never has left her and He NEVER will.  The same goes for me and you.  

Who is this Jesus?  HE is the best friend I have ever had.  He knows me inside and out and loves me no matter what I say or do.  He doesnt care about my past, or the sins that filled (fill) it.  When He said "IT IS FINISHED" He meant "IT IS FINISHED".  thats the amazing thing about Grace...about this time leading up to Easter and the work HE did on the cross for me and you.  

Guys...HE LOVES US and is JEALOUS for us.  

Who is this Jesus? 
 HE is the Great I AM                 and
                                                                     He is my best friend.