A Sea of Faces

I am a sea of ever changing faces. 

From day to day, every morning when I wake up, I decided which ‘face’ I am going to wear.  Some days when I am at home, it’s the face of a daughter. Other days, a youth leader.  The next, a friend.  Still others, it’s a sister, cousin, auntie and… a STUDENT?

My first week back as a Student came with a whole array of mixed emotions and feelings.  As my younger brother was getting excited for returning to school, I wore the face of a sister, ‘calm and collective’ and ‘been there, done that’.  Yet inside, returning to school as a student had me more terrified that traveling abroad with a group of strangers, for 11 months.  

As my Language and Culture prof so boldly stated, in response to my choice of adjectives used to describe myself, I am a “walking oxymoron”.  (I did use the words “traveler” and “introvert” to describe myself).  On one hand, deep down, I was (am) excited to be back in the class room as a student, being taught by one older and, presumably, smarter than myself.  A year of ‘practical’ life knowledge has been filled (thank you 24/7 community living World Race style), and I soon realized the desire within, to continue my book knowledge.  I have discovered the practicality, and simple need in the world, for those who crave the English Language.  I had experienced this, not ONCE on the race but time and time again.  

It doesn’t matter if one is Canadian, American, Eastern European, (East) Indian, Asian or African.

It is universal.

This knowledge, brought me back to the classroom.  Back to classes, syllabi’s, assignments, exams, professors and *gah* meeting new people…back to wearing the face of a student.  As I wandered around campus this past week, I must have had on the look of ‘a lost puppy’ time and time again as I tried to figure out where the LT was and which classroom I was supposed to be in when.  As I stumbled around my new apartment building style of living, I did not realize that the person who was in the kitchen with me, is also in ALL my TESOL classes…yep the face of a freshman.   

  

I thought to myself…isn’t this sort of how we walk through life? Always putting on a ‘face’ (or, better yet, a ‘mask’) of who we truly are?  Never really letting people get truly close to us, in fear of them leaving (or judging) us?

I know I am guilty of this. 

So this September, yes I WILL be putting on the face of a student…for the simple reason that, by definition, I AM A STUDENT in a post-secondary setting.  I have professors who DO know more than me and I am going to take this opportunity to allow their book knowledge (and personal experiences) to soak within my brain, heart and soul.  In turn, I will try to use that, to teach those around me…whether through day to day interactions, or future ministry.

More so, I am going to try and prevent the ‘fear’ within me, of putting on a ‘mask’ around fellow classmates and students.  I want them to see me, to ‘know me’ as me.  True, somedays will be easier than others, yet already, God has proven Himself faithful and GOOD through the people I in which I have already met and am starting to get to know.  In turn, I am going to do my best to see them for who THEY are.

Within the last few years of my life, God has put some (a lot of) incredible people in my life.  From friends that I grew up with, to college (round one) and, most recently, the World Race.  Each of those separate steps, was a part of the journey in who I am today when I walk down the halls at Providence.  It’s their faces, voices, prayers and memories that I am carrying with me to help me through.

So here is too a year of only a few ‘faces’.  A year of change, growth and being a student!!

25 years young

I am into my last 18 hours (ish) of being 24...tomorrow is another day and another birthday for me...the BIG 25 Quarter of century (as my younger, 18 year old brother likes to remind me!).

Wow, 25 years young (cause I refuse to say the word 'old'!) and what a crazy 25 years it has been!  I had a fantastic day in the city yesterday with my mom and what a blessing it was!   Pedicures (yes in -25 degress C weather!), Mongo's for lunch, MEC for WR shopping (got lots done and spent a lot of money!! Is it July yet?!), starbucks and a movie to finish off the day! What a blessing and a joy!! here are just a few pictures from our pedicures off my itouch!

mom and I-love her!

In the movie theater

yes I wore sandals...it was AWESOME!

 For real though, one of the best things about 'mother/daughter days', is the car ride in.  Just being able to simply talk for that hour/hour and a half in and then again back home, is something I hope I will never take for granted!  It is something I know already I will miss TONS when I am racing next year on the WR. 

With my birthday around the corner, and with the race right around the next corner-It doesn't happen that often, but there are days/times when I DO compare myself to those around me..especially friends that I grew up.  Friends who have been married for a few years already, with a kid or two or one on the way.  Friends who are planning their weddings or recently got engaged, or buying a house or 'moving on' with life.  I cannot help but think to myself...'why is that not me?' Am I that far behind on life?' What the HECK am I doing with my life?  Questions like that, that I KNOW God has figured out and knows HIS plan for my life...so  God likes to remind me of the things that I HAVE done in my short life of 25 years...and wow what a list/adventure/ride its been!

As I was talking with my mom last night, I realized that yah maybe I dont have a PHD or masters, or a husband, or kids or things like that...things that people really 'push for' in this area...things that are the 'norm' but thats okay with me (And just for the record, this is NOT a post bashing ANY of those things...I realize that God calls us each to our own walk/path in HIS time..so please understand me on that!)

Yes I do have a 3 year BA 'under my belt' through SBC but what is way more, in the last 7 years of being out of high school...I have had the honour of traveling international not once...but 5 times to 4 different, but equally amazing for their own way, places.  Each trip overseas-whether it was for school in Sweden, or my second time back to Seeds of Hope in Zambia, has helped shaped who I AM today.  You do not need a degree to go and love...you just have to be willing to be God's hands and feet and to be broken for Him.  You need to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and take a risk on that person, or child that the world deems as 'untouchable' and 'unloveable' because that is where Christ is.  The people that I have met in my travels--will always hold a very special place in my life.  I know God has placed each one of them in my life, when I needed them the most-even though I may not have known it at the time.  I can honestly say I have brothers and sisters in Christ around the world, lifting me up and prayin for me...now THAT is a humbling experience!

To bring it down to more of a 'local level' my three years at SBC challenge/blessed and encouraged me in a way that I never could have dreamed.  That too, GREATLY shaped who I am today through solid biblical teaching done by amazing professors who love Jesus, to older women in dorm who were willing to take a 'chance' on me by investing their time and energy into me, to classmates, roomates and friends--the list goes on


Basically-here is to 24 amazing, hard, challenging, joyful, stressful, broken, healed, years of living!! Thanks Jesus for each and every one of them.  Thank you for the greatest gift of all...to be called YOUR Child!!!

Love you Jesus!

Encouraged

Had a good day, admists the craziness, sadness of this past week (its been a heavy week....) I was encouraged today by a friend and a nice cold ice capp from tims! I love having solid Christian friends to whom I can take my thoughts, questions and yes even doubts, too and know I will get an honest reply back from. Friends that I know love and care for me and share the same faith I do.  I am So thankful for them.God has blessed me incrediablly with them in my life.  Thanks does not seem enough to say! Even through all thats gone on, through all that will go on now and in days to come-God has given me this incredible peace that I dont understand, but that I know will only come from Him (and prayers from those around me to Him).  Like although the questions are there, my heart is at peace-unlike other times when questions have been there and my heart was restless-not cool. I thank God for that too.


Thank you for who you are God.  For what you are doing IN and through me.  Thank you for your love and grace during this time of incredible need and desire. "In you I am complete"