Laying it all down

I've been home from World Race Training Camp now for 3 full days and I still do not know how to process, or 'sum up' what happened last week.  I know that I am not alone in this-as squad mates are wrestling with it too.

How do I convey to other people-what God has taught/shown me this past week, when I MYSELF am still wrestling/trying to figure it out?

How do I take time to process and just 'be still' when other commitments come up and I literally do not have time to just BE?

How does I wrap my head around the fact that in a few short weeks- the journey to the Nations begin?  A journey that I KNOW God will rock my world in a way it has never been rocked before.

How do I go about saying 'goodbye' to my friends and family here who have supported and encouraged me throughout life and especially, this crazy journey thus far?

How do I leave my youth ministry when I feel as though breakthroughs are finally happening?

How do I truly express to others my fears and concerns for the race without feeling as though I am 'doubting' God?

How do I be as 'strong as I can be' going into this race?

How will I respond to situations/experiences in which I my only response will want to be anger?

How do I look into the eyes of a prostitute and tell her that 'God loves you' when I have absolutely NO CLUE the hell that she has gone through?

How do I put down an orphan child-knowing that the hug I just gave them, maybe the only love that they ever receive this side of Heaven?

How do I bring hope and light into a place filled with darkness and hopelessness??

How do I simply BELIEVE that a healing took place with out being skeptical and trying to 'justify' it?

How do I bring freedom to a person caught in bondage?

How do I love the pimps, when every bone in my body screams to 'tear them apart?'

How do I look into the soul of a African Widow who has endured years of abuse and physical hard work?

How do I look love a young girl caught in the sex trade and has experienced nothing but pain from physical touch?

How do I fight the injustice's in this world-without creating more injustice in itself?

How do I allow myself to be completely broken and humble before God to allow HIM to move, to speak in and through me?

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

Change is a happening...

This seems to be a re occuring thing on this blog..asking for prayer!! I leave for training camp on Thursday morning...still not feeling 100%.  I am doing way better than I was, especially over the weekend so that is a huge blessing...but still not up to par like I wish I was! So prayer for continual healing would be awesome!

Also, my world race family went through some more changes today. Ones that I am quite sad about.  As R squad ladies, we had an email sent out to us earlier about considering to switch to a different squad (still leaving in July) just to help balance numbers and all.  We 'lost' a few then but I think most of us thought that that was it and left it.  Well, late last week-we lost a few more (sad about all that we 'lose' but there was two in this group who switched that I was really bummed about).

Then today, I was asked to call our mobilizer (I came home sick from work to sleep...but instead had to deal with a lot of this for some of the afternoon..) and she asked me if I would be interested in switching.  I told her "thanks but no thanks".  God has given me to much peace already with being apart of R squad and with this route and these group of people.  But she told me to be in prayer and so I was.   I got note on our facebook page, that a good friend, super dear to my heart-switched squads.  She is one of the girls I met while in St. Louis and I love her like a sister.  Seriously-I have never met someone who just 'screams' Jesus when you look at them.  She literally radiates HIM!  letting her 'go' was hard/is hard but after talking with her a bit, I know God is calling her to greater things.  Ou(R) lose, Q's gain is what it is.  This girl, is going to knock down spiritual walls.  She is going to heal and restore the lost and broken in Jesus' name.  She is going to bring HOPE and LOVE to the nations. 

I am sad I won't be right there with her as she does it-but OH SO PROUD of her for stepping out, for trusting God and listening to HIS voice and calling upon her life!

Karah-I love you friend! So excited for what God is going to do in your life on Q squad!  You KNOW I will be a praying for you!!

                                                Still R squad tattoo buddies for life!!!

Leadership

Hey lovely friends!

Hope life is a treating you well! Its so hard to believe that I am down to my last few months (weeks) here at home and in Canada...pretty bitter sweet it is as there are lots of mixed emotions going on inside me right about now!

I am sending this out to ask for prayer. I leave in about 6 days to fly down to Atlanta GA to have a week of Training camp (for the World Race) and to meet my squad etc (not really sure what this week will all consist of). So prayer for peace, and that it would all go good, would be fantastic but specifically for what I am going to mention next-as its something I have wrestled with internally for since I signed up.

One thing, from my understanding of how this all works...is that our squad (consisting of roughly 65 people) will be broken down into teams of 5-7...among those smaller teams...there are still team leaders (people with a few more responsibilities/leadership etc i assume?)

Some of you may know-especially those around me in my college SBC days..will know I often 'declined' or 'shyed away' from leadership roles.  Point it, since I first applied to the race-I have been feeling that perhaps God is pushing/showing/leading me to more of a leadership type role...and that thought alone..scares me. SO, I am told that at Training camp-this gets decided/talked about/approached -from day one-I have fought God on this saying "God, if they ask me..my answer is automatically 'thanks by no thanks'" but now...I am not so sure...

I am not sure yet what i will say IF they approach me (NO idea if they will even...and I maybe mis understanding this all too) but prayers for that would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for now friends!! :)