NuMb

I was listening to my Ipod on my way to work this AM (at 6:55 AM I might add! Crazy earlier) anyways, the song Numb came on by Linkin Park. THis is a song I have heard over and over, but for some reason, the words just seemed to click now...perhaps explain partially what I am feeling. Check it out and note comments at the end

"Numb"

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I should add that not all the lyrics describe it, but some, such as the ones that are bolded, do. The first line, about being faithless-really stuck out. Now let me explain this a it-its not that I am losing my faith-cause I am not- but the whole idea that just cause I go to Bible school-I have it all together and life is great and all-but really, its a lot tougher then most people think. Who am I? Who are you? Who do we want to be in this world that calls us to put on masks and not be ourselves, to instead confirm to the world and its standards. WHen really, who are we to set standards? God has set the standards for living-read it its called the Bible-right now, i'll admit, I have been slacking on my bible reading and devo time, and am still working through Psalms...but I am still learning, still growing. Last night I had an amazing discussion with a good friend of mine-just listening and talking through problems with her, it was awesome-God is still at work, he still is reaching people and being Who He is!

Pondering a thought

One thing that I have come to enjoy is just sitting back and watching the people around me. This evening was no different. I was at my brothers Junior high spring concert and just walking out, listening to other peoples conversations around me (in a non creepy type way). A group of girls were talking about flats (shoes) and the arches they have-this short cameo converstation put a ponder of a thought in my head. When do we start caring about the things around us and realize how huge the world is? I think back to a year a go where I was...June 5 2007 I flew home after my stint in Europe. I left in March having no idea what to expect, and came home still now knowing where the next section in life would take me, but I came home different-changed even. I can never fully described what happended inside of me while I was in Europe. I gained so much-new expereinces, new knowledge both bibilically and just in life, new understanding and appreciation for old things, new culture and an appreciation for my own,new faces and friends (Who I still treasure dearly).
THere is so much knowledge out there waiting to grasped and learned. I wonder where those girls will be a few years down the road. Will they settle for the life they have here in Altona, Manitoba, or even Canada? Or will the do something phenomenal in todays world? Find a cure? solve the issue of world hunger? Or even things that appear to have smaller effects, but are just as important-help improve the local community, change someones life, say the right thing that needs to be said? I think of the people who have affect my life (waaaaaaaaaay to many to name but I hope you know who you are!) and I dont know where I would be without their love and support.
I wonder where life will take me in a few years. Where will I end up? What will I be doing? I of course, have my hopes and dreams, but again those are mine, not God's. My job is to listen and Obey him.

So thats just a little thought for the day/evening-Take it for what its worth.
It made me pause in my tracks and think

Greetings

Greetings this fine saturday morning! Somewhat blue sky, light breeze, sun poking through, this and that, yah life is decent...oh wait, lets not forget to add flu bug (at least that is what we think) going around. Yah, in girls dorm alone there are around 5 or 6 people sick. There are also a few staff members that are sick as well. When it hit, it hit them. So if you could pray for health and recovery and that the rest of us, myseelf included DONT get sick, that would be awesome, as school is almost done and that would just really suck to end it that way with lots of people sick! Other then that, life is good. We got a group here again so there are once again a lot more people, so again hope they dont all get sick either. I would love to say the weather has been amazing, but it hasnt. Although its not bad at all, in fact i would rather have what we are having here versus it being so very hot at home! Speaking of which, like I said, two weeks from now, school is done, what a scary and crazy thought! That means i will soon be home. How am I feeling with that? humm not sure acutally. Since there is talk of lots of people leaving basically right after school for home, like the 26-28th, i want to go home then also, but on the other note, people are staying on as staff for some of the summer and I think that would eb so much fun and all! So a part of me really wants to stay, and another part really wants to go home. I am still looking forward to Copenhagen adn berlin though, that will be lots of fun! I cant wait to see a few people at home, but come a few days, i know I wil want to come back! IF only it would work to fly home for a day and fly back or someting! how sweet would that be? well I had my stint of adventure, I came and did and still am doign what i want to do and I am so glad i did! Does that make sense? I have Learnt so much about myself, other people, the world in general and God. I wouldnt change it for anything. Sure there are a few things had i known, done differently, but now i know for next time (cause there will be a next time when I Come to europe!) plus I can tell people if they ask! Again all in all its been fabulous and good thing that its not over yet! So until we meet again next month, keep praying, living and just enjoying life, cuase time really does go fast!
cherish it fully!

Today

As I start to type this, once again the song "fear" comes up by Casting Crowns, coincidence? you be the judge. 24 days from now, I wil be on my way to Hamburg! Although I hope we get NO SNOW that whole week, cuase I learnt yesterday that flights were delayed/canceled in chicago due to snow and all. Dont get me wrong, winter and cold is my favorite season, but come on, if it does that the end of march, when I need to go! You will NOT want to mess with me then! be warned! jk, well no not really, oh you get the point. Oh and before I forget, I will try to up date this as much as i can when I am gone, so check back for stories, pics etc etc! Also if you dont get regular emails, casue I dont like Mass emails, so not personal, just check here to see if I am still alive!
Anyways life is going good. Today started off pretty normal, then it got interesting, and then just annoying and not fun. Like anyother morning, I was packing my lunch for the day and I was about half way through cutting an orange when I felt pain in my thumb, yeah sure enough, the knife I was using for cutting slipped and yah now i have a fairly good size deep cut on my thumb. That was um interesting. Mom had to finish cutting the orange so i could stop the bleeding. Off to work I went, thumb in pain and in a bandage. Got to work, and for the first hour or so, had really crummy orders, so that was just annoying. PLus I learnt how much you acutally use a thumb, so i will be glad when its back to normal!After that, around 10:00 the day turned pretty normal again. Fun fun...
14 days of work left, 24 till i leave! Will i miss it? Work and all? umm yah I think so, certain people anyways, and the money hehehe!

So anyways the other day I was thinking, what do i want to do come septemeber? not work locally that i know cuase I want something more. I was thinking school at a local bible collage. Last september, I dont think I was really ready for any sort of secondary schooling, now I am, plus I think that this trip will show me more as well. But we will see. also, These pics are kind of what I have in mind as far as a hair cut goes, let me know what you think!
Cherish life

Lion King

So today at work, I had this totally random moment. I am there, working and all of a sudden, I get this lion king song in my head. "Hakumata" Not spelt right, but the song Timon and Pumba sing shortly after they rescue Simba. Totally random I know. From there, I started to reply the movie from that part in my head, like I have nothing better to do! Going basically word for word, yah i know I have seen it waaaaaaaaaaaay too many times! I get to this point where the 3 of them are lying up looking at the stars (simba has grown). Pumba asks timon what "those are way up there" Timon gives his answer (fireflys stuck in that big blueish black thing-how not true!) So anyways, Pumba ends up giving his answer, which ironically is correct. They end up asking Simba, and he tellls them waht his father said long ago about the great kings up there. Timon and Pumba lauggh and Simba gets up and leave. (timon-"was it something I said?)
So anyways, he ends up plopping down on the ground, which causes dust/leaves to swirl up, and ironically in still moving the next morning, and Rafiki this so called old wise monkey gets a hold of them , and by chance mixes them into something and realizes through taht that simba is still alive! So my question is, this so called wise old monkey, believes scar, simba's bad uncle, when he first tells them Simba and Mufasa are dead. Why would Rafiki believe him in the first place? I mean really, scar is known for you know being bad and all, and if rafiki is so wise, i mean come on. I know totally random like i said, but hey I have 8 hours to think about things like these.

So bringing it to a bit more practical level, i tried relating that thought to Christ and our relationships with him, but its too bad I didnt get that far, got distracted on something else! Maybe that s something to think about tomorrow! I know what you are thinking, I have waaaaaaaay to much time on my hands! I am just enjoying it while i have it! So yah, thats it for now, just a random thought! See what you make from it!