Today is Ash Wednesday
which also means that today is the start of the Lent season; the 40 days
leading up to Christ’s Crucifixion and Resurrection (Easter). It is during this 40 day period that (some) Believers
(Christians) ‘give up’ something in their lives. It doesn’t have to be something bad that they
give up; in fact, it is often something that is good. The point is to use that time to reflect on
just how much we need Jesus in our lives each and every moment of each and
every day. Other Believers may choose to
‘add’ something to their daily schedules that will also help pull them closer
to Jesus. Waking up earlier to read the
Bible, fasting, spending more time in conscious prayer are a few things that I
have heard of people purposely ‘adding’ to their days during Lent season. In the past, I have done both of these. I have both ‘given up’ things and have ‘added’
things as well (separate years of course).
Like most things, I am really good at it for a while but keeping up that
stamina is hard.
This year, I knew from
the start that I would not be doing either one of them. When I made that choice, I felt at peace
about it. After all, Jesus is supposed
to be a part of our every waking moment of our lives 365 days a year…not just
the 40 days before lent right?
Enter Holy Spirit.
I’ve come to know myself
(who I am) pretty well; especially over the last few years. I have come to know how God speaks to me and
I have come to trust those ‘feelings’ within me. Learning to trusting those feelings has NOT
come ‘overnight’ as it has been a long, hard, frustrating, rewarding, easy, and
an incredible journey along the way with plenty ups and downs.
Lately I have been having
‘one of those feelings’ and because I know the situation attached to it; the
word ‘conviction’ is better suited in this case. When God is trying to speak to me, His voice
is constantly in the back of my head and I cannot ‘let it go’ no matter how
hard I try. NO matter how hard I attempt
to distract myself or to ‘run’ from it (Jonah and the Big Fish anyone?!?!) I had a very honest conversation with a
friend/mentor of mine the other day in which I flat out said, “I know what the
Holy Spirit is calling me to do, but I so don’t want to do it. Jesus can make an exception to this situation
right? And He will allow me to act the
way I (my flesh) wants to respond too right?
I mean, I have been so ‘good’ and have withheld for quite some time…Jesus
can just close His eyes on this one right? I think I’ve earned it”. My friend simply responded with a chuckle as
they could totally relate to what I was/am wrestling with. They also knew that I KNOW what to do because
of how the Holy Spirit is convicting me.
Basically, they were just an ear to vent too. The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!
So what does any of this
have to do with Ash Wednesday and Lent season?
God calls us to be imitators of Him.
To see, feel and act against things in this world that bring Him
pain. To care for those who are
marginalized and to help bring justice in places of injustice. I don’t know how exactly it will look and I
know it will carry on way past Easter (and probably for the rest of my life)
but this Lent season I know God is going to work on me, and my heart, when it
comes to truly learning about justice according to how Christ sees it as. For me, it will have a focus on learning how
to forgive those who I (my flesh) feels as though have no right to be forgiven,
let alone be LOVED by God, when they are the root cause of so much deep pain in so many
people’s lives. Surely God will be 'okay' with it, if I don't forgive them right? (*insert typical sunday school answer here*)
Even though I know it
will not be easy; I am especially excited for the next 40 days to see how God continues
to speak to me and convict me. He may lead
me to have some very difficult conversations with certain individuals that I will especially need your prayers for. He may ask me to simply be silent, something that
is even harder for me, and to trust Him through the process.
In closing I ask that, if
my name crosses your mind, you pray for me and this journey ahead.
Thank you
This song has been on my repeat for many weeks now and every time I hear it; God uses it to speak to my soul. I pray it does the same to you.
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