Wrecked.

Living abroad changes your life
 
I read a blog the other day written by a World Race friend of mine, who recently returned from India on a short term mission trip.  She has a heart of gold for missions and for giving a voice to the voiceless.  She entitled her blog “Just Go” and I love how she starts it.

“We need to leave.  Yup, that’s it.  We need to leave. Adios, sayonara, bon voyage, just get out of here. Leave. Go away.  Sorry to be so blunt but it’s really a blunt truth”.  

One of the things that I love about it; is that she says she is not going to “over-spiritualize” going simply because she ‘has no verses to give you’.  Rather, she is sharing from her heart.  You should pause this moment and go give her blog a read.  Seriously.  Go do it

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Living in Zambia over the past three months has rocked my world in a way I was not expecting and the hardest part of the journey is yet to come…returning home… 

Now you may be thinking, “How can returning home be the hardest part?  Friends, youth and family are there.  Its ‘safe’ and familiar.  Foods are ‘normal’ and you have a comfy bed to sleep on.  You have all of the North American necessities.  I don’t understand you.  What is your problem?”  Truth is; there is no problem.  Outside of my friends, youth and family, I really couldn’t care less about the above things.  After all, they are simply things.

Allow me to explain

Upon returning home, the top three questions people ask are, “How was your trip?” (Indescribable) “What was your favourite part?” (my kids) And finally, “What’s next?” (I just got home.  I am an emotional wreck so how the flip am I supposed to know?)  My answer to those questions, are in brackets to save you time from asking them and me time from having to answer.  That being said, I thought it was only fair that I give you a ‘heads up’ into where my own head space maybe in a few short weeks.  Bear with me as this is simply me speaking from the heart. 

When I see TV commercials filled with faces of children living in extreme poverty, simply hug me.  In my mind, I will be taken back to the moment of attending the funeral of a month old baby boy who was ‘dumped’ by his own mother because of that poverty.  If I hear you say you’re hungry because you haven’t eaten in an hour?  I may say to you, “Suck it up.  We do not know what ‘hunger’ truly means”.  Oh, and that waitress who made a mistake on your order?  Please do me a favour and simply smile and say thanks; instead of being an idiot and complaining for the 10^th time.  Be thankful you have the money to go out for a meal.  

If I hear you complaining about ‘having to go to school’ and ‘how much you hate it’, honestly my response to you maybe, ‘You spoiled brat, suck it up.’  What you should know is that the faces of my grade 10 English students will be in my mind.  These are the students whose parents, if they have parents, had to choose between providing money for their education or a meal to fill their stomachs that evening.  Pray that that is a choice you will never have to make for your own family.  Oh; and that teacher who is driving you bonkers? Next time instead of disrespecting them by lipping off, tell them how thankful you are that they are there to educate you.  You may be surprised at their response to you.  When I read reports of corruptions within governments (locally and abroad); don’t condemned me for being pissed off.  When I say I don’t want to vote in the upcoming election in Canada, please force me out of the house and remind me of the voice that I AM privileged to have within our country of Canada. 

If you forget all of the above, that’s fine.  I will deal with it.  However, the next few paragraphs are the ones in which I want you to understand the most.  It is the thing that has rocked my world the most while in Zambia and because of it, it has become a very personal ‘fight’ to me.  I am talking about HIV/AIDS, specifically in regards to those ‘orphaned’ because of it. 

When I hear statistics given out about the number of kids who die from HIV/AIDS each day; allow me time to weep as I do not hear a statistic.  I hear a child’s voice.  I see the face of a youth whom I have grown to know, care for and love.  I will be remembering their joyous personality and unique character that brought many special moments of innocence to my soul.  When I see an advertisement about the latest drug used in the fight against HIV/AIDS; rejoice with me as I shout out, in joy, at the top of my lungs.  A glimpse of hope, in the battle against a raging disease, as the faces of over 150+ kids will be on my heart.  You should know that, to me, HIV/AIDS is no longer a disease that is ‘out there’.  Instead, it has become a very personal battle to me and the 150+ kids who have stolen my heart in a way words cannot describe.  All it takes, is a young girl here, to develop full blown AIDS, a ticking ‘time bomb’, to truly realize how fragile life is.  I cannot wrap my head around the fact that the same could happen, at any given moment, to the rest of my kids here.  It could happen to the students in my class or to that precious 8 year old who comes running into my arms each and every day.  It could happen to the girls that my church sponsors, the team of kids coming to Canada on tour later this summer, or to the youth who has had the single most, greatest impact upon my own life.  

We, in Canada, have developed a very wrong stigma/fear about HIV/AIDS, isolating those who battle it every day from us.  Enough is enough.  It is time to ‘wake up’ and truly become educated on it and to realize that people ARE still people. 

  

So, I warn you.
My kids are NOT some statistics.
Don’t you dare ever call them that or refer to them as that. 

MY kids are people with names, faces and personalities.  Youth who have bright futures ahead of them and who are more active (and healthier) than North American kids ever will be.  They are the students who I have adored teaching.  Teenagers whose hands I have held as we have spent time praying together.  They are the faces of young boys and girls whom I have seen the tears come, as they share their stories of abandonment, neglect and abuse. However, these are also the same faces in which the love of Jesus shines brighter than the sun.  

Also, when you talk about my kids, please don’t refer to them as “orphans”.  True, they maybe ‘fatherless’ on our human standards, but they know who their true Father is in a way you and I never will.  Their Father is more powerful and just, than any earthly father ever will be.  My kids also understand love in a way you and I simply cannot.  They know what it is like to go through ‘hell and back’ but they also know what it means to rise above their circumstance even when all odds are against them.  They are not victims.  They survivors.  They are warriors. 

"Subbing" in the Grade 5 class

Please know that my heart is broken in a million little pieces and it is going to take time heal.

 

In time, it will heal but it will never be fully complete again simply because of who my Grace kids have become, to me.  Though we do not share the same skin colour or blood; that is completely irrelevant.  Truly they have become my family.  A family that I did not know I was looking for.

Simply put, until you experience this place for yourself, you won’t ‘get’ who these kids have become to me.  My prayer for you is; through my stories, photos, and videos, God will give you an understanding and a passion for those abroad. One moment; one life at a time.

Some of the smiles of the girls who have stolen my heart

See you soon Canada!  

One of "those days'

Today was one of those days:

Where nothing goes right

Where controlling your tongue is super hard

Where you feel like smacking a few people on their heads

Where you realize just how pathetic the world has become

Where you have to remind yourself that politics are just that...politics and nothing more

Where you wished you never got out of bed this morning

Where  you wonder "is anything ever going to change?"

Where you realized, the drama you left behind in high school-is back-only in 'adult form'

Where you thought "adults' knew better

where you just wanna throw up your hands and quit


Where I realize just how badly I need God

Where I am thankful for another day and the ability to get up and Go to work

Where I see God's Amazing Grace shine through the morning sunrise

Where I can not do anything, but stand back in awe of my Lord

Where, instead of angry words, there is a prayer off my lips instead

Where I remember that I am "fearfully and Wonderfully made"

Where I recall how Christ died, so that I may live

Where I remember God's Crazy awesome, powerful Love is all I ever need

Where I think of what a fool I am to have ever doubted God

Where I know, that come tomorrow-life will happen and all the bad may happen again...
...but for now...I remember God's Love and how I am created in HIS image, made by Him and FOR Him for HIS good works.

Thank you God for today.  Thank you for closing my mouth when it needed to be close.  For opening it up in a prayer.  Lead me God-walk before me now, tomorrow and each day of my life!

Politics and missions

Ever been caught in the middle?  why is does everything boil down to politics?  In the church, outside of church, in ministry, in different organizations.  Is there ever any real escape from it?  I guess we are only human, so we will always fail (thank goodness for the cross), but really people- a little common sense never hurts yah know?

I've been told before, when I have gone on different trips (especially international) to never talk politics (government etc) with the locals or in public areas.  I get why-in that sense I do and yes it does make sense.  What I dont get, is when it comes down to 'representing'.  I've had it told to me  by a specific organization to remember who I was/am representing.  Oh wait, thats an easy "A" answer..like duh-my life is suppose to/should represent God and God alone-isnt that what all that matters?  Oh wait Nikki, lets not forget about your town, your local church, your college, the organization, your country, your government etc etc and the list goes on.  There are rules and regulations to follow-some stricter than others, reports that must be made and yes, even gathering 'infromation' on campers to be used by who knows who to keep track and see if  a certain program is working..

COME ON PEOPLE! No kidding Christ when into the church and over turned tables!  way to show emotion!

Now I get why it is important to remember who we are represting but hey, just a thought-if we (like we should be) strived to represent Christ and Christ alone in our every day lifes-there should be no need for this constant reminder.
I know I wrestled quite abit with this prior to heading out on a missions trip a few years back.  dont get me wrong, I loved the country  I was in and fell in love with the local missionaries and people alike-but what I did NOT like, was the politics behind it-politics that I felt from the main office (not the local people I spent time with) and yes, even from my college at the time

No kidding this world is so confusing.  NO kidding our youth are struggling with their identity in Christ.  We (as the church, organizations, groups and people who claim to be Christ followers) are failing. 
Perhaps the main singer from Skillet (music group) said it best last week at their concert0 there IS a war going on each and every day...and no its not iraq or anything..its a war for our souls, for our entire being and body. 
I know for myself, there are days the enemy is definatly winning and that I hate.  But each day is a choice right, a new start?  Whose side were you on today? whose side will be winning tomorrow?  Personally, I hope that tomorrow I can/will wake up and say, "Ok God, I dont know what today will bring, but today-with YOUR strength alone, I am fighting this battle for you.  I am choosing YOU"