Meeting Jesus (O Death where is your sting?)

I have started this blog over about 5 times already- never quite sure what will become of it or how to properly express the turmoil going on inside my head and the peace within my heart. 

It’s Sunday afternoon and I am at my parents.  The song “Magnify” by We are Messengers is on repeat, playing through my computer speakers.  Around me, my eyes pick up glimmers of white mini lights, hidden in the greenery, that mom has put up for this Christmas season.  To my right, flowery displays of exotic plants capture my sense of smell as I am drawn back to faraway lands; trying to forget the reason why the house seems to have suddenly become a mini flower shop in the matter of 48 hours…but more about that later.  Outside, nature is doing its part in helping bring a ‘white Christmas’, as I watch the frozen mix of rain/snow fall from the sky.  On the ground below, there are still remnants of summer days passed as the green grass is struggling to poke through the thin layer of snow that has fallen.  I find myself smirking; realizing the irony of it.  As much as I would like a snowy/cold white Christmas, I hate the crappy driving conditions and the debate of ‘should I go out on the road tonight…if I don’t have too’, that comes with weather like this.  

 Jesus.  Even in a season that has just passed…You were still GOOD.  In the season yet to come, Jesus you WILL still be GOOD.  Jesus, right here and now- you ARE GOOD.

Little did I know that a simple text Tuesday afternoon at 3:07 from my mom-asking for me to say a simple prayer for Grandpa-would be the start of a crazy, unexpected ending to an otherwise ‘normal’ week.  27 hours later, instead of finding myself getting ready for another evening of youth, I found myself caught up in a moment that I never thought I would ever have to experience.  With all the experiences that God has brought me to, and through, I had never experienced HIM quite like I did between 6:00-6:20 that Wednesday evening and I am having a hard time explaining it.   

Perhaps, one of the greatest honour's this side of Heaven, is to be in the same room when someone takes their final breath of their earthly life.  That moment when you realize that they are now face to face with Jesus…words cannot express it.  It is a humbling, tender and a very raw experience.  It is a HOLY moment like nothing I’ve ever felt before.  The power within the room, as a person is released from a broken body and a hurting world…into a complete healing and a pure FREEDOM…wow…

Death isn’t new.  In my own way, I’ve experienced it many times before.  Through the eyes of a 4 year old, not able to understand why mommy was so sad and why visiting Grandma and Grandpa on the farm now, would be different because Grandma wouldn’t be there.  Instead being told that, “Grandma would be with Jesus, watching you play and grow up, from Heaven”.  As a child, experiencing the first loss of a pet and the anger that came with that.  As a pre-teen; seeing the pain in close friends as they lost their grandparents but being jealous at the fact they HAD their grandparents with them for many more years than I did mine.  As a teenager, slowly learning to try and understand the death Jesus chose to die on the cross for me.  As a college-aged young adult-cramming through endless hours of papers and exams; discovering more of more of WHO Jesus is.  

As a college graduate with a B.A. in Mission, ready to ‘take on the world’, only to have to learn how to walk through the experience of death once again, as my brother dealt with the death of a high school classmate in a freak accident.  Being told while on my first mission’s trip to Africa, that the young child I held in my arms, would probably be dead within the week due to lack of human contact.  A year and a half later, being back in that same hospital in Africa and hearing the wails of a mother down the hall, whose baby was just born stillborn.  Losing my first niece to miscarriage and learning that 50% of (first) pregnancies end in miscarriages. Learning to deal with death from afar while in Serbia, when I got news of one of my youth girls dying in an accident.  Wrestling with wanting to hop on the next flight home, to be with my other girls who I knew were struggling, but knowing that God had placed me where I was for a reason.  Praying for a sick grandma to be healed while in the Philippians, only to hear that she passed away while we were on our way back to our contacts a short while later, brought about an anger within me towards God.  While back teaching in Africa, hearing news that the baby boy we literally just rescued, died due to constipation… tore at my heart.  Bumping along to his funeral…seeing mounds upon mounds of grave sights…it does something to a person.  It changes how one views life and death. Arriving home and learning my uncle was sick with an incurable disease that only 1 in a million Canadians have…seeing his health quickly decline in a matter of months.  Yet, having the honour of being asked to read his obituary at his funeral.  I will never forget that.  I took a moment to look up from the pulpit as I read-there was not a dry eye in that packed church.  One life but the impact it had on many…over a year later and those feelings are still hard to explain what I felt flow through me in that moment.  

Perhaps all those (and more) prepared me for that Holy moment on Wednesday.  

While I don’t ‘wish’ that experience on anyone, I am thankful to God that I was able to experience it.  In its own way, even in death, God revealed His ultimate love to us (me) in a very real, tangible way.  After all, wasn’t it God’s ultimate display of love for you and I that sent Jesus to the cross to die?  I know what I felt on Wednesday evening…how much more powerful, more HOLY, more filled with LOVE must it have been when the Son of God died.       

Although there is a season to mourn and grieve, I rejoice knowing that someday I too will experience an earthly death.  It is in that moment, that I look forward to seeing all those who have passed on, before me.  More importantly, it is in that moment that I await, with great anticipation, to hear the words spoken to me (a servant) by my Master…words that I know my Grandpa heard Wednesday evening… “Well done good and faithful servant.  You have fought the GOOD fight to the very end.  Welcome home to eternal glory”. 

Once Upon a time- Romania (Raul and Ana)

Adventures in Missions (AIM) has contacts located around the world.  It is to these various contacts (local Nationals/missionaries of those countries) that the World Race sends ‘World Racers’.  *For clarification; ‘World racers’ are those who have/had signed up (like myself) for the World Race (11 countries in 11 months).   As a world racer, you hear of these contacts through alumni racers, squad leaders, coaches (an older couple who ‘parent’ the squad), and through AIM’s social media blogs and hash tags.Truth be told; some contacts get 'higher reviews' than others.  Nestled in the small southern Romanian town of Drăgănești-Olt, lives one of these phenomenal contacts that AIM has developed over the years.  It is also in this town of Drăgănești-Olt, that I found myself during September 2013 for my third month.

Shopping for 30+ people becomes
a little easier with lots of extra hands

I had just come off of a personally hard month, the month before in Serbia.  Although living conditions that we had in Serbia, where great…I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and every fiber of my being craved to be at home, ALONE and in my OWN apartment.

Grilled cheese and soup

I was most definitely NOT in the mood to live in a 2 story high ‘mission house’ with over ¾ of the entire squad.  We had all but 2 teams living under the same roof.  For 30+ people (guys and girls alike), there was a total of 4 showers and, if you woke up early enough, there was a slight chance you would potentially get a warmish shower. Oh and lets not forget the mass amount of cooking and food prep that took place that month.For each supper, it was up to one specific team to figure out the supper menu, then shop for the food and prepare it. Never had I ever cooked for that amount of people before!

As much as I loved my team of ladies that I was with, it took every ounce of strength within me to not ‘run scared’ at the sight of the tiny room that the 7 of us would be sharing/sleeping in.  To give you a mental image…even with a large bunk bed, 3 beds high (so think of a normal bunk bed…now add another layer to that), I still found myself sleeping on a foam mat on the floor.  In reality, I realized quickly that the 3X6 foam mat would be the only ‘me’ space I’d be getting that month.  Truth be told, even a space that small, quickly got ‘taken over’ by teammates and their things as the month went on.  I recall one night lying awake in bed, listening to teammates snore, gazing up at the moon and wondering how I was going to make it through and wishing to be anywhere but there. 

Little did I know the lessons God has in stored for me that month; many of which would be taught through local Romanian Pastor Raul Costea, his wife Ana Costea, their family and their church.  

Raul and Ana and their kids

Truthfully, I am having a hard time even in knowing HOW to explain Raul and Ana Costea’s heart, passion, vision and LOVE for their people and ultimately, for God. They are a couple who are so ‘Holy Spirit’ led, that simply by being in their presence…you know you are in the presence of God.  The church that they pastor, maybe small but it is one of the most powerful churches I know.  In a country caught in the traditions of old orthodox rituals and beliefs, there is a younger generation who remain ‘unchurched/unreached’.  Among that generation, is a high number of children growing up as orphans in a part of the world that is widely known for sex trafficking.  Raul and Ana (along with their church family) are well aware of this all and are doing all they humanly can to be God’s hands and feet right where they are. 

Sunday Morning Worship at HOPE church.  Raul is in blue on
the right of the photo

From kid’s clubs, to street ministry, to venturing into nearby villages to hand out Tracks (despite the fact that you can literally get arrested for it-which some on my squad almost did; another story for another day), to hosting world race teams…the people of Drăgănești-Olt are hearing the Word of God through Raul, Ana and the local church.  BIG things are happening.  God is very much alive and moving in Romania, through HOPE church and the people who pass in and out of its doors.

One of the things I LOVED about being with Raul and Ana is that, every morning before the official ‘ministry’ would start for the day, we would all make our way up to the church for the entire MORNING of praise, focused prayer, meditation, and scripture.  The ENTIRE MORNING, EVERY MORNING was devoted to this.  It was also during this time that Raul, being led by the Holy Spirit, would ‘speak Truth’ into the life of a squad mate.  I recall one morning when this was happening.  I was sitting in the back, hoping to avoid eye contact with him in fear that God had something to say through him, to me.  God chose that morning, to use him to speak to a squad mate.

Morning Focused Prayer and Worship

Raul spoke to things in my squad mates life that none of us knew about, despite having now lived with her in tight quarters for 2+ months already.  As I was watching her react to what he was saying, I knew she was just as shocked/amazed/speechless as I was about what was happening before our eyes.  It was later confirmed to me that what Raul had said, was EXACTLY what was going on.  It was so precise that he even described what she was feeling inwardly towards it.  Remember, we had only met Raul a few days prior to this and there was NO way he could have known how accurate he was, without the Holy Spirit working.  Spiritually, my eyes were opened through this experience and it began a journey of learning to become aware of the Holy Spirit in a brand new, exciting and empowering, way.  Each month that followed; whether through biblical study, conversations with trusted friends and other ‘Spirit Led contacts- my knowledge of The Holy Spirit and who He is, grew.

Despite crazy living conditions and ministry that stretched me to the core; my time in the presence of the Costea’s and the local church, will not be forgotten. 

To Raul and Ana.  To Hope Church.  Thank YOU for restoring my personal hope in Jesus.  Thank you for opening up my eyes to the supernatural world around me.  I know the journey isn’t over as I continue to face battles and grow within this area, but I thank you for allowing God to use you, to provide me the spiritual milk that I needed to begin to grow. Thank you for your care and encouragement during a rough time for me, my team and my squad.  Please know that there are prayers going up for you, from a Mennonite girl, in a small Mennonite town nestled in the heart of Canada.

Sunrise View from my bedroom window

Me with one of the gypsy kids I met
during a day of street ministry

 

Common everyday sights in Romania

So very cool seeing Biblical parables 'come to life'