A Tough Week (re-discovering Jesus' Living Hope)

I cannot remember the last time I wanted a week to be over as much as I did this past week.  Truth be told- it was a crummy week.  I tried to wake up each morning with the notion that ‘yesterday had passed’ and that ‘today is a brand new day’.  That worked for about the first 90 seconds of being awake.  I couldn’t (and still can’t) “peg” exactly what was going on but this past week did remind me that I am very much human and that I need to learn how to deal with whatever  “it” was.

More importantly- I was reminded of the Living HOPE that we have in Jesus through a guest speaker on our weekly senior youth night.  Ironically enough, this guest speaker was also a past youth leader- someone who I served alongside with for 4 years in youth ministry.  Because of this, I knew of some of the pain and hurt that was shared.  I knew their faith was (is) strong and I admire(d) them for it.  

The message for the evening was simply called “hope” based from 1 Peter 1:3-9.  When I read the subheading in the NIV, “Praise to God for a Living Hope”, I knew instantly that this message was directed at me. 

As I listened, I could feel God convicting me.  Now, I should clarify.  I knew that God was NOT judging or condemning me but rather, the conviction that I felt came out of a Holy, loving, and hopeful place.  It was this... “Nikki- I see your hurt and I feel your pain.  In your weakness, allow ME to become your Strength.  Remember, in this world-you WILL have troubles.  Take a step back, relax, breathe and, as hard as it maybe, seek My face.  Or have you forgotten that I have overcome the world (John 16:33).  I won’t leave you.  I never will.  Spend time getting to know ME once again and allow my Living Hope to flow through you and within you”

Sounds simple right? Spend time with God and all will work out.  Never again will I have a bad day, let alone a bad week? Hold on.  STOP. PAUSE.  

Did you (I) miss the reference to how we WILL have troubles in this world? John16:31-33 says “Jesus answered them, “Do you finally believe? In fact, you’re about to make a run for it-saving your own skins and abandoning me.  But I am not abandoned.  The Father is with me.  I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace.  In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties.  But take heart! I’ve conquered the world” (The Message). 

I believe.  I do.  I wouldn’t be where I am today, without Jesus.  Without that Living Hope and that deep peace that He alone offers.  Yet why do I often feel as tho I am running to save my own skin and abandoning that Living Hope and Peace in the process?  I know Jesus but I was reminded that I need to continue to KNOW Jesus each and every day.  I cannot (will not) put my trust, or hope, in someone I do not know.

The question was raised, “How do we get to know someone? How do best friends become best friends when everyone we meet, starts off as a complete stranger?”  Simple.  We spend time together.  We get to KNOW each other through learning about one another.  It can be simple, basic things such as favourite colour or animal.  From there, as we spend time with one another, trust slowly begins to be built.  Soon deeper, more personal, things are shared between the friends, both trusting the other to maintain that level of trust.  Honestly, it’s a risk.  It’s a chance that must be taken for something that is genuine and real.  I want Jesus to, once again, become my best friend. 

I am well aware of what God was convicting me to do in my own relationship with Him.  It is something that I know has been lacking and it has been lacking a LOT.  Honestly, a part of me has lost my ‘zeal’ for all things God related but I also know that the Spirit is very willing but the flesh is so weak.  This past week- my flesh definitely won, but that doesn’t mean I am defeated.  Why?  In Jesus, I have a LIVING HOPE and its time I start to embrace it once again.  

I recently picked up “The Message” version of the Bible and I am LOVING reading it.  I cannot get enough of it.  As I re-discover stories I’ve heard thousands of times before, I learning to re-embrace Jesus’ living Hope inside of me.  

This.  This is what God was calling me to do. 

To slow down.  To Trust Him.

To pray and to spend intimate time with Him.

To rediscover His amazing Love and

To allow His Living Hope to reside in me once again

Meeting Jesus (O Death where is your sting?)

I have started this blog over about 5 times already- never quite sure what will become of it or how to properly express the turmoil going on inside my head and the peace within my heart. 

It’s Sunday afternoon and I am at my parents.  The song “Magnify” by We are Messengers is on repeat, playing through my computer speakers.  Around me, my eyes pick up glimmers of white mini lights, hidden in the greenery, that mom has put up for this Christmas season.  To my right, flowery displays of exotic plants capture my sense of smell as I am drawn back to faraway lands; trying to forget the reason why the house seems to have suddenly become a mini flower shop in the matter of 48 hours…but more about that later.  Outside, nature is doing its part in helping bring a ‘white Christmas’, as I watch the frozen mix of rain/snow fall from the sky.  On the ground below, there are still remnants of summer days passed as the green grass is struggling to poke through the thin layer of snow that has fallen.  I find myself smirking; realizing the irony of it.  As much as I would like a snowy/cold white Christmas, I hate the crappy driving conditions and the debate of ‘should I go out on the road tonight…if I don’t have too’, that comes with weather like this.  

 Jesus.  Even in a season that has just passed…You were still GOOD.  In the season yet to come, Jesus you WILL still be GOOD.  Jesus, right here and now- you ARE GOOD.

Little did I know that a simple text Tuesday afternoon at 3:07 from my mom-asking for me to say a simple prayer for Grandpa-would be the start of a crazy, unexpected ending to an otherwise ‘normal’ week.  27 hours later, instead of finding myself getting ready for another evening of youth, I found myself caught up in a moment that I never thought I would ever have to experience.  With all the experiences that God has brought me to, and through, I had never experienced HIM quite like I did between 6:00-6:20 that Wednesday evening and I am having a hard time explaining it.   

Perhaps, one of the greatest honour's this side of Heaven, is to be in the same room when someone takes their final breath of their earthly life.  That moment when you realize that they are now face to face with Jesus…words cannot express it.  It is a humbling, tender and a very raw experience.  It is a HOLY moment like nothing I’ve ever felt before.  The power within the room, as a person is released from a broken body and a hurting world…into a complete healing and a pure FREEDOM…wow…

Death isn’t new.  In my own way, I’ve experienced it many times before.  Through the eyes of a 4 year old, not able to understand why mommy was so sad and why visiting Grandma and Grandpa on the farm now, would be different because Grandma wouldn’t be there.  Instead being told that, “Grandma would be with Jesus, watching you play and grow up, from Heaven”.  As a child, experiencing the first loss of a pet and the anger that came with that.  As a pre-teen; seeing the pain in close friends as they lost their grandparents but being jealous at the fact they HAD their grandparents with them for many more years than I did mine.  As a teenager, slowly learning to try and understand the death Jesus chose to die on the cross for me.  As a college-aged young adult-cramming through endless hours of papers and exams; discovering more of more of WHO Jesus is.  

As a college graduate with a B.A. in Mission, ready to ‘take on the world’, only to have to learn how to walk through the experience of death once again, as my brother dealt with the death of a high school classmate in a freak accident.  Being told while on my first mission’s trip to Africa, that the young child I held in my arms, would probably be dead within the week due to lack of human contact.  A year and a half later, being back in that same hospital in Africa and hearing the wails of a mother down the hall, whose baby was just born stillborn.  Losing my first niece to miscarriage and learning that 50% of (first) pregnancies end in miscarriages. Learning to deal with death from afar while in Serbia, when I got news of one of my youth girls dying in an accident.  Wrestling with wanting to hop on the next flight home, to be with my other girls who I knew were struggling, but knowing that God had placed me where I was for a reason.  Praying for a sick grandma to be healed while in the Philippians, only to hear that she passed away while we were on our way back to our contacts a short while later, brought about an anger within me towards God.  While back teaching in Africa, hearing news that the baby boy we literally just rescued, died due to constipation… tore at my heart.  Bumping along to his funeral…seeing mounds upon mounds of grave sights…it does something to a person.  It changes how one views life and death. Arriving home and learning my uncle was sick with an incurable disease that only 1 in a million Canadians have…seeing his health quickly decline in a matter of months.  Yet, having the honour of being asked to read his obituary at his funeral.  I will never forget that.  I took a moment to look up from the pulpit as I read-there was not a dry eye in that packed church.  One life but the impact it had on many…over a year later and those feelings are still hard to explain what I felt flow through me in that moment.  

Perhaps all those (and more) prepared me for that Holy moment on Wednesday.  

While I don’t ‘wish’ that experience on anyone, I am thankful to God that I was able to experience it.  In its own way, even in death, God revealed His ultimate love to us (me) in a very real, tangible way.  After all, wasn’t it God’s ultimate display of love for you and I that sent Jesus to the cross to die?  I know what I felt on Wednesday evening…how much more powerful, more HOLY, more filled with LOVE must it have been when the Son of God died.       

Although there is a season to mourn and grieve, I rejoice knowing that someday I too will experience an earthly death.  It is in that moment, that I look forward to seeing all those who have passed on, before me.  More importantly, it is in that moment that I await, with great anticipation, to hear the words spoken to me (a servant) by my Master…words that I know my Grandpa heard Wednesday evening… “Well done good and faithful servant.  You have fought the GOOD fight to the very end.  Welcome home to eternal glory”. 

Once upon a time- Persecution (Romania)

God keeps ‘taking me back’ to Drăgănești-Olt, Romania and three years later, I am only now learning torealize the impact that was made upon my spiritual life, while there.  Truly, it is the place that began to open my eyes to the ‘unseen supernatural’ world that is around us every day. 

*Now, I feel as though I should also place a disclaimer.  When I mention the ‘unseen supernatural world’, I am only referring to that which is talked about throughout scripture, nothing more.  As a point of reference; I would like to highlight Ephesians 6:10-20 but take note of verse 12 specifically.  This is the world that God truly began to open up my eyes to while in Romania.  I pray that Grace and understanding will fall upon you as you continue to read.

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.¹⁹Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,²⁰for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

I would like to share a story with you that involved myself, team-mates, our contacts and local police authority.

September 2013

I remember the day as though it was yesterday.  After spending another morning soaked in prayer, worship and meditation our ‘mission’ for the day was to visit a nearby town and hand out tracks.  Handing out “tracks” is one way in which the local church evangelizes.  The goal was simple.  Break into groups of 2-3 people and go door to door in the village handing these tracks out.  We were too knock on each door and engage the homeowner in conversation (if they were home and open to having a conversation), or place a track at the door if there was no reply and move onto the next homestead.  

Simple and harmless right?

I would think so, however, I have neglected to mention a few key political aspects.  In Romania, you are free to follow Jesus.  You are free to believe what you would like to believe.  However, when it came down to evangelism, local authority (police/ mayor etc) had final say as to it being allowed or not.  Basically, you could end up in jail if you were caught evangelizing in a town/community that deemed it illegal.  

Not so simple anymore is it?

Keeping this in mind, we piled into vans and collectively headed out.  As we drove, I wrestled.  I bargained with God and I pleaded to Him to simply keep me safe.  I am not sure if my contacts or my team could tell how nervous I was about what we were about to do.  Nervous is actually an understatement.  I was flipping scared…Like a broken record, the thought of ‘I could literally get thrown into jail simply for talking about Jesus’ continually filled my brain.  Guilt filled me, as I recalled countless of conversations with friends/family back home in Canada in which I proclaimed that I would ‘die for my faith’. Yet here I was, afraid to simply hand out tracks at the thought of it potentially landing me in jail.  I was so out of my comfort zone and we hadn’t even started.  With the final words of “have fun!” from our contacts, we were dropped off in the middle of the village; with half the teams going right while the rest of the teams took the left side of the village.  Before I knew it, I was walking up to the first house whether I was ready or not.  Truth be told, I don’t remember much of actually handing tracks out or the response from the locals.  It was like time had stopped.  Perhaps what happened next, is why I don’t remember much of anything else.

The group I was with, had run out of tracks and so we headed to our central point for more to keep going.  It was there that we were informed of what was going on by a fellow squad member.  We were asked to stop what we were doing and to pray.  Remember how I mentioned earlier about how the local authority had the final word in evangelism being legal or not?  Turns out, the local authority (police and town council/mayor) of the village we were in, had established a law AGAINST street evangelism.  Basically, we were all committing a ‘crime’, punishable with jail time, by simply handing out pieces of paper that included the Jesus’ work on the cross (aka Tracks).  I think my temperature must have risen about 25 degrees. 

Information was limited about our squad-mates.  We knew that the group of about 10-20, who had gone the opposite direction than my group did, were being held at the local police station.  To our knowledge at the time; local authority was debating what to do with them.  There was talk of simply giving them a fine and releasing them but there was also word about jail time as the mayor wanted to ‘make an example’ of them. By this point, those of us who were able to, were literally on our hands and knees praying.  Not only were we praying but we prayed with the authority in Jesus’ name.  An authority ABOVE ALL authority.  We knew God is LORD and that HE would prevail.  We knew, well I was honestly learning ‘on the fly’, and that our battle wasn’t against flesh or blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Our contacts were actively involved in trying to settle this quickly (while still holding to the Truth of God’s Word).  They knew of the ‘battle’ that laid ahead as they had personally experienced this form of persecution before.  However, my admiration/respect for my contacts, grew as we got word that they refused to ‘back down’.  They were sticking to what they believed, trusting that God would provide what was needed, even if that meant going straight to the USA embassy in the capital. (*side note, I was the only Canadian on my squad so those being held were all American and because of this, I was personally told to try and stay further back from everything-but to continue to pray).

Not only did God provide a supernatural sense of peace to us (and those being held), I truly believed that He opened the eyes of the police and council in a supernatural way.  Before long, EVERYONE was released and we were ALLOWED to KEEP handing out tracks.  We were told later, by team-mates who sat at the police station unsure of what laid before them; of an incredible peace that they felt throughout the ordeal.  A peace that they could only explain came to them through our prayers.  They told of us unbelieving police officers who ridiculed and mocked them at first but who later asked for tracks for themselves and for their families because they too, wanted to know of this JESUS.  They wanted to know of whom these young people were willing to go to jail for!!  Talk about the power in Jesus’ name alone! What satan deemed for evil, GOD magnified into glorious POWER.  Darkness was forced into the light.  Truth became known and God’s Kingdom on earth was established further. 

God would later use an Indian missionary couple in Cambodia; to further teach me about PRAYING FOR persecution among our churches (especially the North American churches) today.  God taught me about trusting in Him in ALL situations; through a Filipino pastor couple confident that God would provide for them, a green roof for their church simply because God is a ‘God of colour’.  God would also reveal to me more of the power of the supernatural realm through a South African believer passionate about early morning prayer and meditation and bringing God’s Word through the game of football (soccer).  For now; God once again affirmed to me of His unfailing love to His children and the true honour it is to lay our lives before Him regardless of our unknown futures. 

Its taken me 3 years to begin to realize the impact this specific experience had on me and my faith.  I am not claiming to ‘know all the answers’ as I am still on this journey with God.  Rather I am simply bearing witness to the supernatural power that God has given every Believer, through the Holy Spirit.  After all, it was Jesus Himself who said that, ‘But I tell you the truth, it is for your benefit that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you” John 16:7. Jesus also spoke these words, “and I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot receive Him, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you do know Him, for He abides with you and He will be in you” John 14:16-17. 

Prayer works.  God hears and He is here.