Worship

So, here it is...an update..one i have been meaning to do for a while.  How am I doing now, compared to last post?  Honestly?  Better.  Still not 100% but I know that that will take time.  since I last posted, I have had a number of chats with people in person, through email, skype, telephone and facebook and all of them have been really good and a lot of them have been super encouraging as well.  It is good to know that in this battle we are fighting, we are NOT alone...Praise be to God for that and so much more!  Work has proven to be a blessing other that the fact that its a job and I am getting paid there. and yes, there are days when i do not want to be there, but it has proven to be a blessing in the sense that I have a lot of time to think, which some days is not good, but others, it allows time for me to spend it in prayer.  To really pray for family and friends  and for those around me.  Through that, what I have discovered is that I need to be in constant communication with God.  like Hello "duh" nikki, the Bible mentions that, doesnt take a genius to figure that out...well actually it was a song by Big Daddy Weave to remind me of that.  I also realized that having the latest Christian song in my head during work isnt a bad thing either (though side note, sometimes it is really annoying having a certain song in your head that you just cant get out!), because I mean after all...that is worship as well, singing praises to God.

So then what the heck has been "wrong" with me lately?  Though i still think it has been a number of litttle different things (which after a while just add up) the biggest thing is My relationship with God.  Now, not sure if I have ever experienced spiritual warfare but honestly, thats what i think a big thing of it was...thats the only thing that makessense.  There was one day last week where I just lost it.  I was literally on my knees crying.  No, God did not miraculousy speak to me or anything like that, but after that, I just had this sense of peace, like it would be ok.  A few days after that, my aunt called for something and she mentioned/asked somethign on the phone which struck me....it was something along the lines of, "you sound better, you sound happy!".  now this struck me cause I dont recall even talking to my aunt at all during my "down time" so how would she know how I sounded then? but yah since then, things havegotten better.  Yes there are still moments, but those moments will always be there.  But so will faith, and so will God.  With Him, I know anything is possible and I just gotta keep believing that, hold strong to my faith and never let go