Baptism

As of today, I am just not ready. There I said it. Why is always so hard to admit to something when you are wrong, or just not ready for something? Once again, Baptism is really pressing on my mind. For those of you who remember, before Christmas, I took Christian Growth class at church and I think through that and seeing almost all my friends get baptized, the questions started to come. Questions that deal around church, membership and belonging to a certian church/family, what does it mean, Why are there so many churches in our town? Why are there major shortages of Sunday school teachers, when our church is so huge? Why is teh church not being held accountable in some situations. Why are we so quick to judge some, and then openly welcome others? You know, things like that.

I know that I am not the only one who struggles with these issues. Like I mentioned in my last post (Baptism is another huge issue that I struggled with. I took Christian Growth class (aka Baptism class), but I didn't get baptized. I talked for hours with a numerous of different people about it and I came to a conclusion that I wanted to get baptized, but I didnt want to belong to a church, not yet anyways, and I didnt feel that my church gave me that option.) Baptism is still an issue for me. Its kind of interesting how for the last 6 months or so, I really didnt think about it, until last night when a friend asked me where I was with it (I had talked with her briefly before). This got me thinking again so today I spent two hours talking with my aunt and uncle, just hearing their thoughts and stories. I always think that I Have more of my dad's side in me, but now, I think my mom's side is just as much dominant. For those that know me, not sure if this is good or bad...I like it.

Anyways, through talking with them, I have come to the conclusion that as of Today, June 10/06 I am not ready for Baptism. That may change tomorrow, next week, month or 10 years from now, but not now. I keep using these different issues as excuses, and maybe they are more then just excuses, but they are also something for me to "hide beind" My aunt mentioned about having this power as a youth giving my testimony wherever, or if and when behind the pulpit, about my concerns and questions. I never really thought about that, but for those few minutes or however long, my voice will be heard. It may not be agreed with or followed, but it will be heard non the less and that is a start and that is power. The generation gap is there, its a fact of life and chances are will always be there. So many things have already changed in the churches here, women now have more of a voice, the acceptance is becoming greater and things are changing. My aunt listed numerous of things that have changed in her church these last 30 years. So what's holding me back? Is it just human nature? Am I just the sort of person who likes to know what they are getting into before they do it? Is it Satan putting these thoughts in my head, making my self question my faith? I have also realized that what I need is too sit down with a pastor or someone higher up in the church and ask them these questions; and NOT get a biblical based answer. I could get that with a click of the internet, or from one of the Many help books and all out there. Again, dont get me wrong, bible answers are good, but I wwant a present day answer, someone who wont hide behind biblical answers and will give me their honest thoughts on it. that would help.

Nathan, I hope you dont mind that I am using a quote of your blog but I thought it was really good; Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that’s a tough call. That’s rebellion. -Alice Cooper


"Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you." Matthew 7:7
So maybe the push and questions are coming from God, just another step in my spiritual journey, one which I am sure will have questions through out my whole life- thats how you grown, thats how you learn. You wont' find the buried treasure if you dont look for it, and I guess the same obviously goes with my walk that I am walking. So in the end I guess i am asking, seeking for answers, for the truth, and if you think you could help, I would love to have a conversation with you, just hear thoughts and ideas.