praying. I have been journaling a lot lately in my own books (thank goodness for that relief!), so that is also why I haven't updated this as well. So whats the deal with me? Physically, I am fine. Work is going good, and people are in, and staying in, the Christmas mood as well, so that's all good. Mentally and more importantly Spiritually, I have a lot on my mind. Questions are coming full force and lots of them aren't easy answers. Lots of it has to do with what is coming in March-Capernwray. Things like, will that short while be worth all that money, even though that will put me behind again for the following year. What if I get there and realizes that I can;t do this? Things like that. But I think the biggest one is that, do I want to go because I want to go, or Because GOD wants me to go? Out of all the options that I looked at before applying, this one, this capernwray in sweden stuck out, so I guess I can find comfort in that as well. I guess i just got thinking and am now questioning my motives,
or at least some. Is that good or bad? Is it Satan messing with my head? Or are these sincere thoughts? One of the bigger reasons why I want to go is, no not to get away from town like some people may think it is, but it is to find answers, not only to these questions, but to other ones. THings like Baptism, school in the future, where I want my life to take me, and to just stretch my faith, or thereof lack of 
faith. IF that makes sense. I want something more then what I am getting. Church and JR youth and all is good, dont get me wrong-they are also stretching me, but I want something more, real answers, not just the same Biblical answers or "Sunday School" answers that I have been getting/giving, all my life. Is that wrong? Does that make sense? Part of me feels guilty for even asking/posting this, but hey, its how I feel now. So yah, maybe that gives you a bit better idea of what I need prayer for. leave a comment, or pull me aside next time to chat, whatever works.Oh yah, the pictures; the horror frost from the other day, with the sunset the day before, so amazing! Oh and those candies! I have NO idea what they are called, but come Christmas, those are basically my favorite favorite candies! Everyone else that i talk to, cant understand why i like them so much, but I just do and besides, more for me then!! Perhaps its becuase I only get them once a year (if the stores have them even), and they are made from PURE Sugar! Yummy! Time to go get another one!
2 comments:
I can't agree with you on the candy topic...I once got a whole tin box of candies like that, and I ended up giving most of them away. Guess I once ate too many or something. Oh well.
Keep searching and praying for answers. They'll come. Some say that this stage of life (between grad and 25/30) is the hardest part of your life. I'd believe it. There's lots of thinking and confusion and changes...even more than adolescence!!!
Hey Nikki, I happened to check your blog, this may be a biased answer, but nonetheless...devoting a part of your life to your relationship with Jesus and that being the only focus was huge in my life...experiencing other cultures was an added bonus! It is pretty normal for people to go through a period of second-guessing before starting such a big adventure, everyone I know has gone through the same thought pattern! You need to be sure in your own mind though, and just because it's something that you want to do doesn't make it wrong...God often chooses to use our passions and desires to deepen our relationship with Him! Have a good one! ~Justin
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