June 1 Ramblings

To Go...or not to go?  THAT is the question.  It is time to do a "self' Check.  Why do I /am I going on this experience? WHO am I doing it for?What reasons?  Am I over analyzing this all?

Whoa ok Nikki, back up.  I have applied/been accepted to "the World Race" .  What it basically is, is serving God in 11 different countries, for 11 months-that is the short of it.  I have prayed about it,  I have talked to people about it and part of me is like "yep ok I am so ready to go!" then reality kicks it (or rather, fear) and I do not know what to do. 

Honestly- I am quite surprised at myself that I have not gotten "antsy" sooner-and the fact that I am debating/wrestling this hard now to with deciding yes or no-has me quite curious.  I did not think I would be around Altona this long, AND to make things even more odd-I also didnt think I would be ENJOYING it here either.  I know God says "Go" but what if He also says "Stay?". 

I love working with youth- I love youth ministry.  I never thought I would think that.  I knew youth are awesome and fun to hang around and what not-but I didnt think that God would "break my heart" right here at home like He has.  This has me quite torn because I know the need for missions overseas, but I have also been opened to the need right here at home- Discipling the next generation to be strong Christian Leaders.
I still feel as tho God is using me here.  Just from the different feedback I have heard from second hand, as well as first hand-has me encouraged and gives me the drive to want to keep going.  I know it takes a year or two to get situated in it/build relationships-but after those first two years or so-its awesome.  I am one week away from finishing my second year of being involved in youth ministry and like I said, I can see how relationships with the youth have changed from "having fun and being silly" or deep God talks and really connecting (course it depends on the youth as well) and i feel that my third year, will just bring more of it (hopefully).  Dare I say I feel CONTENT?!!?  Scary thought coming from me.

and Yes my job isnt ideal (nor fun always, nor do I always like going in to work) and I dont want to be there my entire life, but it is a job and it is/can be a ministry all in itself. 

Now, I am not shutting the World RACE idea down-but instead-maybe just postponing it.  They send out different teams 3 times a year (Jan. July. Sept) and the one I have been accepted for-leaves in Jan.  This means oonly doing a little less then half a youth year (less still cause I am gone to Africa in Nov. with my church again) and I am not sure how I feel about that. 

SO SOLUTION:  start/finish another youth year and then leave next july! best of both worlds! :)